Quiteguy11's Journal

[Quietguy11]

Figured, why not! I might as well make a journal seeing how there's been a few others who have decided to make one. I don't really know what to talk about though so much of this is just going to be me ranting and connecting words together. One thing I am a little disappointed about is how I went for my GED, got 4 out of 5 subjects complete, but pretty much dropped school life because of how I feel. The only subject I need to get are my maths, but I find math to be my toughest, most challenging, subject, and I only have a limited time to get it before my test achievements expire and I have to rewrite everything all over again. I went to night classes before but found it really hard to sit there at my desk with anxiety so paralyzing that I'm too afraid to even raise my hand and ask the teacher for help. Needless to say it wasn't a fun experience, even though I got through it. 2014 is when my test achievements expire, so it's almost not worth going back, because it's not like I'm going to actually get my math finished in the time span of 3 months. Not at the pace I go in math.

One thing that keeps me going is that I am working with my doctor, and don't isolate myself from my friends like I use to years ago. I am actually putting the effort in to feel connected and in sync with this world. Once I feel well enough, then I can probably focus on getting my education. It's never too late to go back to school anyway, I've seen old men and women in some of the GED prep classrooms I was in.

 

[jaim38]

That's great! Getting a GED or high school diploma is a basic requirement for many jobs out there. Don't wait too long because I hear some states are dropping the GED, not sure about Canada though. Good luck!

 

[Quietguy11]

So besides school, I am moreso taking smaller steps toward feeling more in sync or fine tuned with the world of people. In middle and high school I had no friends. Well, a few, but they always were a bad influence on me with drugs and stuff. I was always a straight edge, but eventually got sucked into alcohol and cigarettes, which, mind you, I don't bother with anymore. I found that drinking really took away a lot of my anxieties and made me extremely social. But I was out of control at the same time. Everything would make me laugh, and I would randomly talk to people in places like McDonald's about love and peace. XD Something I would and could never do with a sober mind.

Getting together with the group to play Dungeon's and Dragon's once a week has really helped me overcome the phobia of being in a group. I may not be very social in it, but I do participate when it's my turn to play. Sometimes I think I have Selective Mutism though because I can only talk to certain people, others I can't talk to at all. But SM is basically an extreme anxiety disorder. Anxiety is what paralyzes the thoughts and voice so that you can't speak openly and confidently around other people. I just find that I bob my head a lot because it's easier for me to just nod or shake my head than it is to actually use my vocal cords. Like I said this journal is going to be for stuff that comes off the top of my head. It may or may not be interesting. Most of it is just what I think though, I could be totally off base.

 

[Quietguy11]

Well here I am again, I feel really happy at the moment. I just found out from one of Mark Crilley's latest YT videos that his second how-to-draw book (Mastering Manga 2) is finally out in stores!! I own the first book (Mastering Manga) and have learned a lot from it. It has really increased my ability as an artist. I don't know when I'm going to get the chance, but I am going to buy Mastering Manga 2 ASAP! Oh and for anyone who is interested in drawing the manga style artwork, I recommend getting your hands on the Mastering Manga volumes, they are perfect for beginners, and they even teach in the back pages about perspective drawing and where to shade and all that advanced stuff.

 

[Quietguy11]

Well damn, today was kind of brutal. I didn't get much sleep at all and ended up just staying up so I felt very dysfunctional throughout the day with interactions and stuff at stores. I bought Mastering Manga 2, so I will be getting started on my that book whenever it arrives. I watched up to the first 100 episodes of Naruto Shippuden tonight, but because I am still running on hardly any sleep I found it very hard to concentrate on what was going on. Still sponged enough of the plot through! Now I am getting to watch an anime OVA called Butsuzou Kegatte Nise. Anyway I'm off!

 

[Quietguy11]

Started watching Lovely Complex tonight. I would give this one a 9/10 just because I like romance genres with a touch of comedy. (A lot of comedy is also to my likening!) Short summary: Risa is the female lead in the anime and she's taller than your average female. She likes a guy who is fairly short compared to other guys his age, but despite their opposite sizes they like each other, well so far from where I'm at Risa likes this guy (not mentioning name because I forget and too lazy to search it) more than he likes her. The characters are all pretty likeable in this anime, and like I said I love anything that has typical Shoujo romance in it.

Besides that I would like to point out that social anxiety as internally felt as it is - is not apparent or perceived as much as we think by those who are engaged with us in conversation. I realized that even when I was really anxious about not knowing what to say, and feeling like I was just staring at them blankly with a blank mind, they still continued talking to me as if nothing odd from my end was going on. I would then laugh or something and it would break the ice a little bit. One important thing to realize is that even the smallest amount of conversation on the social phobics side is sufficient and is plenty enough for a conversation to continue flowing. But when I run out of things to say and it's evident that the other side of the conversation is exhausted as well, I just bring up something that's in the form of a question. Example: Did you know that Sailor Moon is airing a new season this Winter? - is what I would say to someone who watches anime particularly. It may be difficult and annoying by times for us who have issues with holding up conversations, but communication can be exercised in other ways. Reading enhances the ability to write. Many people with our condition are excellent writers with very creative imaginations. Something that most extroverts only wished they had the ability of.

 

[Sophrosyne-seek]

Sounds like a good story! I'll give it a try! I too like watching those kinda of animes. I've just finished watching The Pet Girl of Sakurasou, I loved it. I hope there will be a second season.

Regarding the matter of social anxiety I think you have a good point! I do love to write and I think that some of the most brilliant writers felt disconnected from their society such as Charles Bukowski, and I really love his writings.

 

[Ithior]

If you like romance genre with a bit of comedy, there's this new anime airing right now called Golden Time. Only 4 episodes so far but I'm really enjoying it, though I've heard that it's very rushed compared to the original light novel. Still, as someone who hasn't read the original material, I find it very entertaining (apparently some volumes of the light novel have been translated, but it's a very rough translation).

There is also this Tonari no Kaibutsu-kun OVA that has been recently subbed, I found the last minutes to be pretty funny. I guess you'd have to watch the rest of the show to enjoy it, but unfortunately the series were made simply to promote the manga and thus the first (and only) season doesn't provide anything close to an ending.

 

[Quietguy11]

The Pet Girl of Sakurasou and Tonari no Kaibutsu-kun are animes I'll have to give a watch real soon. Thanks for bringing them up

Right now I feel so relaxed. I absolutely love being by myself. I am getting a little better at mingling, like I went to Tim Hortons tonight to get a coffee and donut and exchanged some words with the girl behind the desk. (Not in a flirtatious way or anything, just casual words) it made me feel kind of good knowing that I am capable by times to feel in sync with people. I finished Lovely Complex tonight and am about to get into Naruto Shippuden within the next little bit. I just love to binge out on anime!

I plan on taking a night though to re-watch Summer Wars. That and Toki wo Kakeru Shoujo are worth watching more than once.

But here's some questions for all you anime lovers. What is your favorite anime, and why? And who is your favorite anime character, and why? And what do you prefer, short or long animes or both?

 

[Quietguy11]

Finished Summer Wars for the second time, *Spoiler Alert* from this point on. Kenji is the main male lead who is to be married to Natsuke, who has him to live with them in their estate. Kenji is really awkward and a little shy about being around so many strangers, but eventually warms up to them, and feels like he is apart of the family. The grandmother is very intimidating but her laugh breaks the intensity, but unfortunately she passes away. I found that kind of sad, even though it was somewhat to be expected seeing how she was very old. A comet of some kind was heading in the direction of their estate and the only way they could throw it off course was to defeat the hacked online game that was controlling everything from that side of the fence. Kenji punched in all the number codes using memory alone and was able to throw off the course of the space rock. Natsuke seems to be very extroverted in the anime, while Kenji, though extremely intelligent, is very quiet, awkward and shy. I could relate with him throughout the movie moreso than I could with any other character.

My plans to watch Naruto tonight backfired because the streaming on Crunchyroll was acting up, and I wasn't going to waste the night away waiting for it to work. So that's why I watched Summer Wars instead. Hopefully I can continue with Naruto tomorrow.

 

[Quietguy11]

I guess I'm going to use this Journal thread as a place to post some of my artwork as well. Whenever I draw something that I think is decent enough to show everyone, I will post it here. I don't know who this anime character is, she's obviously from an anime (duh!) but I have no idea who she is so I can't attach a name on her. Anyway, enjoy! Anime drawing by tsubasasan11 on deviantART

 

[Nooms]

The drawing looks very nice

 

[Quietguy11]

The drawing looks very nice

Thanks Nooms, appreciate it!

 

[Quietguy11]

Hey all. Well tonight my mom showed me a video on the music industry, and how it's connected to the Illuminati. I thought it was very eye opening, and a lot of it actually made sense, but for people who aren't religious at all I guess it wouldn't have the same impact. Anyway, thought I would bring that up seeing how that was something that I did tonight. Right now I'm watching Naruto, it's shaping out to be my favorite anime series right now. I just can't get enough of it, and I'm happy that Crunchyroll is not acting up much. The streaming videos were lagging off and on throughout some of the episodes and at first I was just going to stop watching and not put up with that, but I waited it out and now the videos are working just fine! Not much to say other than that. I wish everyone a good, relaxing, anxiety-free day!

 

[Quietguy11]

Here's a drawing in color that I did for Sakura from Naruto Shippuden. Hope you all likes! Sakura From Shippuden by tsubasasan11 on deviantART

 

[Quietguy11]

I had a fantastic night tonight. Played D&D, made some good dice roles, leveled up to 4. Actually wasn't stuck in my head the whole night this time around, which was a nice change. Actually gave me some hope. Maybe it was just a good night, and hopefully I have more of them. I find tonight I challenged myself to speak. Like when my mind felt blank I would push a thought out regardless to how tough it was, it was like I was exercising a muscle in my brain. Sometimes when I spoke I was extremely self-conscious of the way I sounded, and sometimes no one replied to what I said, which kind of made me feel self-conscious a little bit, but I applaud myself lol I was a lot more social than I normally am!

Not much else to say, gonna get ready to watch Naruto Shippuden, looking forward to it! Oh and here's a drawing I did tonight Enjoy! Three anime beach girls by tsubasasan11 on deviantART

 

[Quietguy11]

I realized the other night that the brain is a muscle and that it can be exercised in more way than just learning. It can also be used to conquer shyness, as difficult and as crazy as that may sound. Shyness won't go away completely however because its a personality trait that makes up who some people are but in my case I have found a way to force myself to talk even when I feel completely blank minded. It's kind of hard to explain really, but it helps to have someone that you admire, and look up to. Someone who you wish you were "like" without losing touch with your own identity. What helps me for me is anime, I watched Chronicles Of The Going Home Club, an anime that just finished airing not long ago about a group of girls that start a club at school and pretty much just mingle and try new things every day. The way the characters projected social energy in their group discussions by forming opinions and ideas in their conversations with each other made me want to be able to do the same thing when I'm out with my friends. I found that I am now able to search my brain for thoughts and then speak whatever comes to my mind. The blank mind is really deceptive. You think that you are thoughtless, but really the thoughts are there, you just have to search a little deeper for them!

 

[Quietguy11]

Alright it's been a few days since I wrote anything in here, so I will talk about an anime movie that I just finished watching. Actually I saw the anime series for it, the two movies for it were just condensed recaps of the anime. This is actually a spoiler for those who haven't seen the anime Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magica so don't reed on if you don't want to know every last detail about it.

Madoka Kaname is actually the one who is protecting a very shy and physically weak Akemi, who Akemi has a heart for. Madoka is on the verge of dying out to the final boss (Walpergas? I forget the name of it) and Akemi (or Homura to be more correct) wishes to become a stronger magical girl who can protect Madoka instead of Madoka protecting her. That's how is then perceived as a girl who is very confident, intelligent, independent, and skilled at fighting witches. She goes back in time multiple times because the final boss fight always brings her to the point of becoming tainted, so she goes back in time, as her wish was, to when she first met Madoka in school, and sets out to protect her, with fate being the final conclusion every time until Madoka wishes to erase all the witches from ever existing, and to become a god/goddess who purifies tainted soul gems of magical girls throughout the world. Each character had a significant role in the anime series/movies but all had a fatal end, with the exception of Madoka who chose to be a Divine healer. The only thing that I personally did not understand about the series was how Madoka could be healing tainted soul gems of magical girls when Homura's wish was to clear the universe and the Earth from witches? The only explanation I have for it is that their wishes came from different times.

 

[Quietguy11]

Update: Well seeing how I'm back on SPW I might as well continue writing in my journal. Last year I was watching through Naruto, I am now fully caught up with the anime, but haven't watched any of the movies yet for it. I am now watching through another popular and huge anime called Bleach by Shounen Jump that's really good. I'm on episode 111 presently.

Here's a summary of the anime plot for those who haven't seen it but would like to. It's about a 15 year old martial artist by the name of Ichigo Kurosaki. He can see spirits or "Hollows" as they are referred to, and ends up becoming a Soul Reaper Substitute after encountering Rukia Kuchiki from the Soul Society. The Soul Society is the spirtiual dimension in the anime that's beyond time and space. Soul Reapers and Quincies fight against Hollows who try to invade and suck the souls out of humans from the world of the living. Some characters have dolls (they are monster type creatures that fight along side of them in battle.) The anime is primarily about Samurai's, and the fights are pretty intense!

 

[Steiner]

Update: Well seeing how I'm back on SPW I might as well continue writing in my journal. Last year I was watching through Naruto, I am now fully caught up with the anime, but haven't watched any of the movies yet for it. I am now watching through another popular and huge anime called Bleach by Shounen Jump that's really good. I'm on episode 111 presently.

Here's a summary of the anime plot for those who haven't seen it but would like to. It's about a 15 year old martial artist by the name of Ichigo Kurosaki. He can see spirits or "Hollows" as they are referred to, and ends up becoming a Soul Reaper Substitute after encountering Rukia Kuchiki from the Soul Society. The Soul Society is the spirtiual dimension in the anime that's beyond time and space. Soul Reapers and Quincies fight against Hollows who try to invade and suck the souls out of humans from the world of the living. Some characters have dolls (they are monster type creatures that fight along side of them in battle.) The anime is primarily about Samurai's, and the fights are pretty intense!

Oh yeah bleach. I haven't gotten around to picking it back up. Though my favorite park is the soul society arch. I got to like a vampire arch I think but I dropped it around there years ago. I should try to finish it up sometime.