Quitting my job and very embarrassed

[bonafide]

Hello all

I feel I have really fell in the pit this time.

I started my first day on the job yesterday as an I.T. Manager (aka computer guy) in a 150 user doctor's clinic.

Today, I called up my supervisor and told her I didn't feel I was the right man for the job. I felt overwhelmed by the responsibilities and scope and resigned. She appeared very understanding.

I feel about as low as I ever been in my life. I realize that things could be much worse. I feel like a coward and p**** for quitting after one day of work. I feel I have let myself down, and have let others who knew about this new opportunity down. I feel like my professional progression has been totally derailed.

I felt overwhelmed by the social implications of my job. The network needed so much improvement...I was supporting a variety of people, including doctors, nurses, and therapists. The day started well enough...but I think it all hit me within the few hours I was there. It's like a feeling that says "Let me the heck out of here." No matter how I tried to reason with myself or calm myself down, I was panicky and felt totally unworthy to stay. Every day I could have stayed on the job, would equal every additional day of worry and anxiety, and I think that was what ultimatley made me want to leave.

I need counsel from those of you who suffer as I do, or can relate to this situation. I believe I have suffered from social anxiety all my life, but only recently have I begun to get help (one session with counselor this past Thursday).

 

[Damien]

I did the EXACT same thing. I had worked for one day, the next day i rang the boss and said "i cant do this." I was honest though. It was the scariest phonecall of my life.

I said "im afraid that in my position you may want me to go into the Hire shop and help out and serve customers. I cant do that. it scares me no end" He got a bit grumpy. Told me to go home. Told me to get over it.

He rang me later in the day and apologised. he said that he had the same thing. the social phobia. That the only way he dealt with it was the "pull your socks up boy" attitude, that his company was his comfort zone, and so it didnt bother him too much. He realised that what he had said earlier was wrong, and that he was impressed i had the guts to just say why i couldnt work.

I said to him "thats cool, because it is no skin off my nose if i quit today, means i can stay home. But your company is well known and i WOULD like to work for you"

To his credit he sat down with my department (with my permission) and told them the story. Told them they were to help me, put up with me whatever it took for me to feel comfortable working for them. If that means when you say "hey damo can you help out in hire?" and he flatly says no.... LEAVE IT.

I worked for them for a year. I left because the work in my department slowly dried up and i said "i love this position, i know you dont have work. There is a job offer with another company doing this very thing." So i took it. regretfully.....

Damien

 

[LilMissTragic]

Yep been there, done that too. One whole day. Worst day of my life, hid it well though but felt like the biggest loser on the planet...until I realised that it was obviously the wrong time for me to do that sort of job, I was a carer for people in thier own homes...lol..not the best job for a socialphohbe, i know that now. I just see it as trial and error. Ya really gotta find something your suited to and something that isn't gonna to make your anxiety levels hit the roof. I hope ya have better luck next time. Just dont go rushing into anything.

 

[maggie]

I've done it too, don't take any promotions at job, in a go-nowhere job, cause can't handle pressure of having authority over others. It sucks :roll:

 

[bonafide]

The biggest struggle through this is having to break this to loved ones, friends. To a certain degree some know of my struggle with fear, but this time I suppose the cat will be completely out of the bag. I am a christian, and do believe God uses all thing for good...I appreciate the response. I think the stigma is harder for men per say because we are expected to "tough it out" and be commandeering. I have a lot of things I have to work out with myself.

thanks

Matt

 

[MPS]

I'm finishing Uni this year and absolutely dreading the prospect of work. I really don't know how I'm gonna cope. :?

I hope things work out for you.

 

[ColdAsIce]

Yep, I have done exactly the same in the past!! One paticular job actually envolved dealing with the public on a regular basis, but I really wanted to take this job in order to rid myself of my SP......and yes I was bloody awful at this job too!!...lol. My manager was aware that I was really shy and un-confident but to my surprise she wanted to take the challenge and make me into a super confident person....and she failed miserably....lol

It was ok at first, I could handle a couple of people but once the big crowds come in I'd just lose it, and you can imagin it was a bloody nightmare!! The worst aspect of the job for me was dealing with the nasty customers, which rather than hang about and find out and resolve the problem I'd just walk away from (I don't do confrontation).....lol....and also when they'd get shirty on the phones, you know the types they think they can give you any kind of shit because 'The customer is always right'....well believe it or not I use to give them shit down the phone too...lol....One thing I can't stand is unfriendly people!!!

I lasted about 3 months doing this job, I was called into the office and I wasn't surprised by what I was told....."I'm very sorry but I'm going to have to let you go, your just too shy and for this job you have to be extremerly confident"........Sounds daft but I was gutted inside although I did agree with her. I can get jobs but I can't keep them for long mainly because I have zero confidence, I have only left one job because it got too much but all the other jobs I have had I have been told that I'm too shy and not confident full stop......so I have no confidence, I am a typical Social Phob...so now what??....I can't be what I'm not, my mum always told me "just be yourself, and do your best"...well I always have but its never got me anywhere.

(Sorry about poor grammer, spellings what not, some thing else I'm not good at.....lol)

 

[Fredscars]

im still at school so i odnt have work, but i have work experience next year..interviews and trying to prove myself in a week, that im good at whatever job ive taken so that i can get a good report which can go on my uni application. Cos i want to take a psychology degree, then one for clinical psychology, i have to show im good with people.
not got the faintest clue how im going to manage that. Im hoping to do a week at a training hospital, then maybe a week as a volunteer helping people...but the Social anxiety is going to be a slight problem i think... :roll:

 

[bonafide]

I'm thinking as to why I lasted as long as I did in my other jobs....

1) Lumber company. I was the "computer guy" for a 70 user lumber company, 6 locations. It really wasn't a complicated setup, and it really wasn't a "corporate" atmosphere I guess. There times when I had conflict with a particular employee, and I would dread having to see her face whenever I went to her location, because I was so afraid of conflict and did not want to fight.

2) Computer company, field tech. This one didn't really require me to manage jack squat. It really wasn't all that bad, except for an employee I worked with. Have you guys ever worked with someone that was always sarcastic, critical, sometimes just mean spirited? It drove me nuts...being around him made me jumpy and I just anticipated his attacks. I hated the Monday morning meetings, and felt bad because I felt i never had anything to contribute. I really didnt want to speak out in that setting period.

I guess this last job spooked me. Maybe I just am not happy in this line of work, and I am going to have to find some answers. I walked in this last job, and by halfway through the day, in the pit of my stomach I felt "you aren't going to stay here." I fought with that feeling as hard as I could, tried to reason with myself...but I had a feeling I would be coming home everyday discouraged and anxious.

 

[Parttimer]

I definetly admire ur courage to make that phone call, personally i've been fired from most jobs rather than quitted, even when i knew i couldn't handle the job. Its easier to absolve urself of responsiblity then

Althought, going from the job description you provided bonafide, it seemed that job would have been very demanding for anyone, let alone someone with SP. Maybe u aimed a LITTLE too high AT THE MOMENT. Maybe u should apply for something a little less demanding until u feel more confident. My apologies if this is useless advice

 

[bonafide]

Thanks for relating your stories everyone. When you isolate yourself, you make yourself think you are the only one going through a particular situation.

I actually received a call from the general manager of the clinic today. I felt lower than dirt when I heard the answering machine message...he was interested in talking with me about my reasons for leaving. My first inclination was to delete the message and not respond to him. However, I knew that avoiding this was not the answer and I had to face up to him with a straight answer, despite what response he may have on the phone. I called him back and explained why I did what I did...I felt I bit into more than I chew, and I jumped into a job that I didn't really think about as to whether I would want this particular responsiblity day to day. I didnt dwell too much into my own misgivings and doubts about myself (which do play a part). But I was honest and told him the truth. He responded kindly and appreciated the truth.

If nothing else, maybe this can serve an example to others...just tell the truth about your problems. It's easy to hide behind a facade and give excuses so that we don't appear to be weak and pathetic. It's easy to run away and not tell the truth...I'm glad in this case I did. I still have a ways to go, but I am seeing a good counselor who is helping me through this transisition.

God Bless everyone

Matt

 

[Damien]

I always find myself in a rock and a hard place. Do i tell the employer i have social phobia? risk they may not employ me or sack me on the spot because i could be an OH&S hazard? (im in the Audio Visual installer field and an electronics service technician)... or do i think "im doing okay, they dont need to know" then i get lumped into things i am sacred of, because i come across as so confident, happy and good with people. Its really a control mechanism: "hey check out the funny man, he likes talking to people"

Err no i make jokes and like making people laugh because i can CONTROL the situation that way so i dont have to do anything outside my comfort zone.

Whats peoples opinions? Do you think we should swallow the lump in our throat and tell out bosses, even in the first week of employment? Make people more aware that it IS a common thing? Or do we do what we always do pinky? Shy away from it?

Damien

 

[maggie]

Good question, Damien, probably good idea to tell employer right off the bat, but it would be really, really hard to do. I have never told anyone of my situation, cause I'm afraid they will watch me for signs of this, and scrutinize me and it will make me feel even more uncomfortable. So I know they think I'm weird and unusual, they just don't know why I'm weird and unusual, or how I'm feeling 8O . I've never told anyone