Regrets

[GettingThere]

The thing which really gets to me more than anything else with SA is the nagging thoughts about not living the life that I would like to have lived.

The fear of not having a past that I can reflect on with satisfaction like remembering my school dance (I didn't go), the missed opportunities that have pasted me, or not having married or fathered any children (I'm middle-aged). Does anyone else struggle with this?

[Apologies for a fairly negative posting.]

 

[nesci]

yes i get sad over this all the time! my whole life ive been 2 scared and just put off things, i didnt go 2 my school formal either or do my deb which all my friends did, never went 2 parties in my teens, n now my friends look back n talk about how fun those times were, it makes me so jealous. i wish away everyday n at the end of every week im just glad another week is over, the only thing that really makes me happy is the thought that life is short n 1 day ill b dead :} its so releiving 2 know this will b over soon. i know i will look back and regret not doing anything.

 

[Shadow]

Yeah I regret alot of things I never did. I never went to parties and I hardly ever spent time with friends. I missed out on alot of things because of my SA.

But what I've realised is that regreting the past doesn't achieve anything. I'm only 23, so I've still got my whole life ahead of me. I didn't believe it before but I now believe that I can achieve anything that I want to achieve. Maybe not right now, but in the not too distant future. I just have to keep pushing myself and doing the things I need to do in order to get where I want to go.

It's never too late to start a new life.

 

[Anonymous]

I used to think that when I was 18, that there was no way I would still be so social phobic 7 years down the line.

Its scary, I'm 25 years old, 26 in April, and I don't feel as if I've even began to live my life. I still feel like that 18 year old.

I have trouble trying to get my head round the fact that the world is changing, my friends and family are moving forward, yet I seem to be stuck in the same situation I was in years ago. I feel as if everyone is just leaving me behind.

 

[miskat]

I am middle-aged as well and my regrets are a constanst source of depression. I missed out on all the events and activities that most people in their teens and twenties experience. I missed out on a quality relationship, marriage and children. I do encourage all those of you that are younger to do whatever it takes to throw yourself out there and enjoy it now. You truly do not want to have to look back at my age and realize its too late

 

[Kaya]

I've just turned 30 and have realise that kids are something I will probably never have. Not only because I cannot hold a relationship, but also because I don't feel that I could be a good parent to a child, because SP is thought to be hereditary, and because the older I get the less maternal I feel.
I also feel that having kids is the final nail in the coffin of the career that I've never been able to get off the ground.
And also I fear children over a certain age because they are experts at pointing out my imperfections!! :lol:

I fear that if I don't have kids I will regret it. But I would rather regret not having kids than regret having kids for the wrong reason.

 

[Anonymous]

do not dwell on the past,this only makes your sa worse.we can't change our past,so what's the point in going over it again and again.even normal happy people will have parts of their past that they would change.it's important that we focus on the here and now and try to have the life we want,by taking small steps forward.

 

[RoboLobster]

My therapist once told me a story I'll share. There was this man with SA, he was in his mid 50's. He lived with his mother his entire life, and was pretty much sheltered. One day his mom decided to move, and she din't want him to go with her. So here he was, a man that had done nothing with his life, barely if ever worked and his mom took care of him. This is a true story, the man went to my therapist after his mother left and got what he could together to live the rest of his life. He had to learn how to live at 50 years old.

This story scared me alot, I din't want to be that man. I was well on my way to it too, but told myself I was going to change, and enjoy the rest of my life.

Do you want to be that man? I'm sure you don't. I don't care who you are, or what you say, you're never too old to change, and you're never too old to go out and live the way you want to. My therapist told me that that man was doing very well, he lived on his own, had a stable job that he enjoyed, he even was in a realationship with someone.

I guess the best advice I can give is to stop regreting what you've missed, and go out and live the things you've missed.

 

[Waybuloo]

I regret not having the guts to bite the bullet and make friends. wif friends comes the offers, and the good times, the memories.

I did goto my formal- aint all that, dancin's not all that's cracked up to be, and why wear a dress for no one special to see, or to show off to?

most of all, i regret not havin the chance to develop a personality??

 

[abc1234]

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[Waybuloo]

you's really shouldnt beat ur self's up over shit like this not having friends is all its made out to me at least it wasnt for me. a few yrs back i had a lot of friends i felt some comfortable around but the ansixtey,shyness and just worring about stuff was thier anyway's i stoped hanging out with them cause they were turning in to ppl i didnt wana be around and now yrs later im a better person for it they got in to drugs,alchol,some ended up in jail,rehab,and one even od and died. my point is if i had stayed with them i would be them and not me if that makes any sense. not sure if this really makes sense it's hard for me to post serious shit im all ways just fucking around so sory if this dosent make much or any sense

dat's alrite, u just fell in wif the wrong crowd, but u got out early. Another social skill is about picking the right people to hang out with, and not just about making friends. also to not lose urself too peer pressure.

 

[Septor]

It seem that my whole life is now just made up of regrets.I tell you the older you get the more the regrets hurt and the more you feel like your drowning in them.

 

[GIOLANDA]

I used to have many regrets for past and present situations,worrying about how I talked or acted but lately I decided to eliminate this, it made me crazy,so I just try to think that things don't come back and that my anxiety doesn't change anything.

 

[scatmantom]

I can relate to this...but im only 20 and its the future i am dreading. I dont want to be in the same situation im in now when I am 30, if that is what i have to look forward to then my life is gonna be so shit. I suppose I can still do something about it...but i feel like ive wasted a fe wof the best years (11-20)

 

[Waybuloo]

I can relate to this...but im only 20 and its the future i am dreading. I dont want to be in the same situation im in now when I am 30, if that is what i have to look forward to then my life is gonna be so shit. I suppose I can still do something about it...but i feel like ive wasted a fe wof the best years (11-20)

ah cheer up, life begins at 30 :wink:

 

[abc1234]

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