Rejection?

[Scottish_Player]

How do you deal with rejection?

Rejection for me is one of the worst feelings in the world and thats why i avoid putting myself in situations where it can happen, but this also stops me from doing stuff and moving on for fear of it and ive come to realise recently that this is the next thing i need to work on.

Iam not just talking about rejection with realtionships, even simple stuff like sending someone a msg on MSN and getting no reply or the same with sending txts, and even asking someone if the want to do something at the weekend for fear of them saying "NO" even although they might be genuinly busy i still find it hard not to take too heart, feeling like theres something wrong with me.

How do other people deal with it and not let it bother them as much?

 

[thequietone]

This is not something you should do, but the way I deal with rejection is to reject everyone before they can reject me! 8O Not a solution by any means, but I'll try to offer some advice anyway...

I think in order to deal with it healthily, you must increase your self esteem. You must believe that you are a good, worthwhile person, then such petty "rejections" won't hurt. It will also help to look at the situation logically. don't jump to the conclusion, "This person must hate me, there's something wrong with me." Realistically this is not the case. Try not to let your insecurities boss you around.
I'm going to work on this too, Scottish_Player, it's an important topic.
Anyway, that's my two cents.

 

[corel]

I was thinking about this today and how i need to make more of an effort to get over this fear of rejection i have because i feel like im missing out on so much!

When it comes to asking my friends to do things I am the exact same because of the fear of them saying no. My friends have even commented that in the odd times that i have asked them to do something they have been amazed - thats how bad i am!! Although it doesn't help that in all cases that i can remember that i have asked, they have always said no. I find myself waiting on them to contact me and when they don't i feel even worse! I don't blame them tho because it must be annoying having to make the effort all the time and not getting it in return.

I came to the conclusion that I just take things too personally and should make a point of trying to take small steps towards getting over this. I know its easier said than done to change though.

 

[BrokenSmile]

Rejection?! I can't stand the rejection when is from someone that i care about. In other case this don't mind me. But when someone close that i care about reject me... well this is so hard and i know i start acting stupid and i don't like me in that moment and acting like that will gona worsen the things. I really have to work on that coz i'm ashamed on me when i get a rejection by someone and then i start to act like a big looser even more if i know that i don't deserve that rejection or the person that reject me don't have a good reason that i can accept and deal with...

 

[Skog]

How do you deal with rejection?

Well I don't deal with it well and I am prone to interpreting the conduct of others as. I withdraw. Sometimes for a very long time.

If you want to know what I think one should do, that's different. You should ignore it, if you can. You must know people who never seem to take the hint that others want them to go away or shut up -- they keep on inserting themselves in other people's plans or keep on talking, oblivious to the eye rolling or people walking away. Be like that. Or you can try to see your fear of rejection as irrational and consider whether there aren't rational explanations for the conduct of others that isn't necessarily meant by them to be rejection of you. Sometimes I try that.

 

[Quixote]

i don't let rejection get to me because for one thing I don't want to define my self worth to others disapproval or approval. Genuine self esteem comes from the inside and not from other people's opinions of you.

I'm afraid I disagree with this, I mean I understand the spirit of it, but the facts don't seem right... Just think about it, "self esteem" is a belief in oneself's value and worth. And how are value and worth to be defined, if not in reference to human activities? Our notion of what is valuable and worthy descends directly from what society, or at least a group of people, considers as such. Hence our "self esteem" could actually be better defined as our "rough estimate of potential esteem from a group or relevant others". Note that I say relevant others and not necessarily society as a whole, for obvious reasons.

So in the end one has to care what others think, in some way or another, subconsciously or openly, but there is just no way out

 

[Layla]

i don't let rejection get to me because for one thing I don't want to define my self worth to others disapproval or approval.

This is exactly what my councellor is trying to drill into my head!
My goodness, i am sooo terrified of rejection, because i feel it happens to me so often that i just feel it will continually keep happening. Little things, like the returning of the phone calls, or the wanna hang out? No, ive already got plans...type of deal. ugh. Anyways, is that bad to not go out and party every single weekend? I often just like staying at home, doing my own thing in my apt. A lot of times its cause i dont want to call people, but sometimes its cause i just want to be alone.

 

[styrka]

People who are afraid of rejection have poor self esteem

I know I have very low confidence, and I know I have issues with rejection. people have rejected me in the past and I"m so sensitive I always take it in a bad way. so I built a wall around me to protect myself and now the wall is too high and too thick.
I feel the same way you do, if I email someone or call someone and they don't reply I just assume they're jerks. I think the worst always. I think they don't like me, they don't think I'm worth their time, they're playing with me, they're laughing at me, etc..... somehow, somewhere, sometime it got stuck in my brain that people are mean and they just want to hurt me. its been a huge ordeal to get that thought out of my head and trust people. worst of all, I know these negative thoughts that I believe people have of me are most probably not real..... but I'm too scared to find out. so I prefer to assume that they're real and if I call or email someone and get no reply then I assume the worst and I never contact the person ever again. its like I put the person in my 'black list' of people that I can't trust, people that will hurt me, and to those people I say "f them!" :evil:
I don't know how to trust people again and not think the worst of them.
is it a matter of working on my confidence? don't know....
but yeah, you're not alone.

 

[LittleMissMuffet]

i don't let rejection get to me because for one thing I don't want to define my self worth to others disapproval or approval. Genuine self esteem comes from the inside and not from other people's opinions of you.

I'm afraid I disagree with this, I mean I understand the spirit of it, but the facts don't seem right... Just think about it, "self esteem" is a belief in oneself's value and worth. And how are value and worth to be defined, if not in reference to human activities? Our notion of what is valuable and worthy descends directly from what society, or at least a group of people, considers as such. Hence our "self esteem" could actually be better defined as our "rough estimate of potential esteem from a group or relevant others". Note that I say relevant others and not necessarily society as a whole, for obvious reasons.



LittleMissMuffet says:-
I think that self-esteem/self-worth do depend on others. yet good self-esteem can take a negative opinion of us that others have and put it into perspective. Like being able to accept something negative and see the other person's opinion, but included in a bigger picture. What is the truth?
...When you really think about this, the truth is the sum parts of all opinions put together. So self-esteem etc is about being able to accept a different opinion, a negative opinion within an overall perspective that is able to consider our own position and someone else's.
So, we can never truly be independent of others, yet we can develop the ability to not need unconditional support -some people are uncaring and self-centred, and others simply have their own point of view that we need to be able to accept without feeling that this makes ours insignificant.

 

[chear15]

Hi, I agree with most of you are saying in terms of rejection, and I feel the same way as in instant messages with no replies, emails, phone calls all make me feel rejected.

I have another question for you all, do you feel that you are more caring, don't reject anybody because of your own feeling of rejection. I know if somebody came and asked for a favor or needed help or a friend called I would never reject them because I think that they will feel the same way as me. It turns out that I am always helping people out or going to lunch with someone I may not even like spending time with. I am just messed up I guess, but thats how I feel.

 

[themousethatroared]

Rejection no one likes it. For awhile I thought I was rejected because of my personality, or the way I looked. I had to pick something to justify the rejection. Was I to desparate, or anoying? One rejection after another hammered into me that this is going to be a common thread in my life. It got to the point where if I asked some unimportant question and was supposebly rejected I would go into a funk. Then someone told me that once I had positive experiences then I would not feel this way. I do feel better now after I began to see that I was not rejected every single time. I still do get rejected but I can live with that. Though I still get a little sad.

 

[Tryin]

i often have to deal with rejection. i think that mostly because i expect too much.

 

[Tryin]

I know if somebody came and asked for a favor or needed help or a friend called I would never reject them because I think that they will feel the same way as me. It turns out that I am always helping people out or going to lunch with someone I may not even like spending time with.

me too