Relationship to parents

[Zod]

Do you think not having a strong or solid relationship with your parents can make people less confident and socially capable and other mental problems?

I lost my parents at an early age and feel that it sort of emotionally left a hole in me, like it left me without a solid basal foundation in this world like most people do. Parents are in a way very important I feel, because they can give children a strong footing in the world in many ways, wether it's financial or emotional support or just steering you in the right direction. At 27 now, I feel that a lot of problems of mine are related to not having had the umbrella of parents since I was 16. I spent a large part of my entire adolescence in avoidant behavior and depression, living on my own. Whereas many of people my age went home to their parents in weekends, I just stayed in my dorm with no where else to go.

I can imagine people who do have parents but have a bad relationship with them (like controlling, or mental or physical abuse in childhood) have something similar, they probably also feel like they're alone in a way.

I would like to hear from you how you feel about this.

 

[Odo]

Wow Zod, I'm sorry to hear that.

I think that yes, having a good relationship with your parents is an advantage... but you're right when you say that sometimes parents can be a toxic influence as well.

I can't really relate to your situation, but I do think that it's important to find role models and inspirational figures elsewhere... it's a good part of figuring out what kind of person you want to be.

 

[Zod]

I've had quite a few role models, but nothing compares to parents I think. I mean you can look up to some hero of yours, but you will never have a close relationship to that person, so it will always eventually feel empty and hollow. The parent-child relationship is something that will always bond you to them and them to you. Wether it's small things like helping you move, or just offering a place to stay in the weekend, it's all quite important.

I think a big mistake we made when my father died was me not moving in with a close friend of my mothers who offered it. Instead I went to live with my 10 year old brother in our dad's house. Although I admire that he went to live with me, I think I would have benefited greatly if I had some sort of positive mother and father figure around that time.

 

[Odo]

Yeah, I don't think anything can make up for the loss of both parents... that must be really rough.

 

[jaim38]

I get along well with my parents but our relationship isn't deep. Even though we see and interact with each other everyday, we don't say much besides the usual hi, what are having for dinner, thanks, good night, etc. I don't feel comfortable talking to my mom about very personal things such as crushes, feelings, friendship troubles, mental problems, etc because I know she wouldn't understand. We don't even have much in common - we have different interests. Same thing with my dad for the same reasons. My parents also don't share much with me. Even when I ask casual questions such as "Any updates on my relatives?" they don't really say much. I tend to keep things light, simple, and positive with my parents, but I don't vent to them about anything personal, which keeps the relationship a bit shallow.