Reviewing your 2011 as it finishes.

[Gray]

So 2011 is drawing to a close, but how has 2011 treated you in either a good or negative light?

For me it's been about as good as i could have imagined it, one step at a time for the past 12 months.

At the end of December 2010 i "finished" my cognitive therapy with the therapist i was seeing which was quite a monumental moment as i finally felt like i achieved something.

Just a few short weeks after this i ended up getting a job within a customer service environment just taking payments. I didn't want to go back into customer services so my anxiety peaked up a little bit when first starting, however it soon diminished.

I remember having one serious flare up in April/May time to a point i actually needed the help of my therapist, but i was constantly getting let down on appointments, in the end i let myself calm down on my own and i was fine.

Around this time my nephew came to stay on a permanent basis after getting abused by his other grandparents, his mum was unfit to care for him and his brothers/sisters so she lost them and thus we had the opportunity to care for him solely.

Sadly it has been a torrid time with him, mainly because when he first came he never got along with anyone, and my other brothers started to take a disliking to him because he would always shout before thinking, particular instances being when my other nephew came to stay they would always get into arguements, which then filtered through to my brother causing a massive rift.

The rift itself has been slightly fixed, but the scar is still there, one of my other brothers has decided he wants nothing to do with my mum and nephew who are obviously under the same roof as me, as such, causes issues with me too.

It's all a bit hectic and reaffirms my hope that one day i can maybe get out of where i'm living and start new.

Had first night out in years with work for our Christmas party, i've become closer to a lot of people now because of it, and it was a great night, i had the intention of at least having a couple of drinks since i don't drink alcohol at all, but in the end i just didn't.

I'm hoping 2012 starts where 2011 left off, with more plans maybe on what to do for the future, unsure about work because they want me to do proper customer service and i am massively relunctant to do so.

 

[Etbow23]

2011

In January I turned 20 but I don't really remember what I did on my birthday. It's strange. Oh yeah...I remember I had a horrible fever the days before it but in the night I started to feel a little better. Then my boyfriend and me drove down to Alexandria and ate at this place that served buffalo burgers.

My earliest memory was going to Myrtle Beach in March for three days and that includes the driving, lol. On the way back we found a cat on the side of the highway next to a restaurant and took him back to Maryland. It was quite crazy. Unfortunately I couldn't take him in our house because of our other pets and it being the middle of the night, my only option was to take him to the wicked Humane Society. My mother wouldn't let me adopt him though I tried several times throughout the next month, until I found out that he had been adopted by someone else after about a month or so. In some respects I was relieved, but sad I never got to say goodbye or learn who adopted him--I hope they were good people.

Not too long after that I remember I walked out of my shift at Starbucks and shortly thereafter got fired, though I would've liked to just quit with no notice. Those basta*rds.

I was unemployed for a while and worried, then I was hired by Target. The hiring process took a long time so I had a lot of time off. During that time I was hospitalized by an evil psychiatrist who met me once for 15 minutes, then decided I was a danger to myself because of suicidal ideations. So I stayed there a few days and begged to be released because my first day at my new job was coming up. I got released the night before my first day at Target, because I complied with all the drugs they gave me and all the bullsh*t they did. Week later stopped taking those awful drugs.

There was plenty of anxiety working at Target, having to deal with customers and everything. But I'm still working there. Still dealing with anxiety, but trying to improve.

During the summer my boyfriend and I went to Kings Dominion about a thousand times because we had season passes. I have so many fond memories of that place...including the Denny's outside of it after we went all day. I hope we can afford them this summer. My sister visited from France during the summer, just having gotten out of an ugly breakup with her fiance.

In August I was fortunate enough to visit California again after 4 years of not going. It had its ups and downs but all in all I was so happy to see it again. Spent about a week there in the Sierras.

Fall started...I started my last semester at my community college, and successfully graduated with straight A's. But applied too late to the state university and because they ran out of space (and lost my transcript the first time it was sent) I wasn't accepted. Oh well, I didn't want to go there anyways. So I've applied at another small college north of me for the fall--and that way I'll have spring and summer off, my first semester off in a while, which is good because I've always been working and studying for the past few years straight. I'd rather go to a small school without the giant nameless classes and the "social life".

Celebrated my second anniversary with my boyfriend in September, went to Ocean City for a day, the last warm day of the season I think. It was really special.

Now just waiting for things to happen for me. Haven't really worked on therapy at all; don't want to see those people again, so am working on helping myself. Sometimes I don't feel up to it but sometimes I force myself by going for a walk or otherwise trying to avoid depressed feelings when they come. We'll see what 2012 brings. Hopefully a new, better job and more self-confidence.

 

[EscapeArtist]

Good forum idea. Does anybody here keep a journal? Sometimes we don't know how much we've improved until we look back.


First part of the year was when I became a health nut after ridding the anxiety and depression for 30 days, jan 1st was the first day I fell off of that. So I suddenly left my obsession over body and became obsessed about listening to the feeling of the body. Good start.

Then I spent a few months in a big old rut. Basically just using kratom, dreaming as an escape, and eating eating eating, computer. Then my youth counselor person helped me to find a job program, where I went 5 times a week, 6 hours like school, with a group of 9 other people, studying about how to get a job. That was a really awesome place!! There were some cool people in there, a few who even suffered from the social anxiety, but they were better off than me, I barley said anything! Still, that group was so cool, it was a lot like the breakfast club, everybody was around the same age and in the same place of life, but all very different types of people who fit a niche. A lot of people shared personal things there too. And I met a friend there, without talking or anything he was just drawn to me, so I learned the importance of just putting yourself out there.

Then I got a job, was sad that the group ended ... The job sucked. Started working on a farm for 32 hours a week. I hid who I was and acted quiet, happy and quite weirdly. Then my boss left out of anxiety and stress, and I felt like a loser for hiding it! In the end I started to have hypoglycemic episodes (which previously I have not had). Dizziness, confusion, wobbly legs, almost passing out. I discovered here that I had blood sugar issues which was a great little discovery for my anxiety. The farm was hard work! I only lasted there about 3 months, then I stopped going, didn't notify them, told them over an email about the anxiety and blood sugar crashes and they were actually pretty nice about it (well one person was, the rest were scary).

Then began this state of wanting to sink into my old comfort zone, so I just sat on the computer for days because it felt so good after being outside 30 hours a week for like 6 months! It got me right back where I started LOL.... Except I have a better grip health wise, like I now know to control my diet to balance my blood sugar which apparently effects my anxiety, insomnia and my depression a lot.

Discoveries of the year:
1.The destruction of the belief of "perfect place", at least partially.
2. A lot of people are like you, especially the ones who scare you. AKA my boss who left out of 'stress and anxiety', and ended up having the same interests as me (he lived in a commune even)
2.Some health things, like blood sugar issues, B12 deficiency, candida overgrowth.
3.That if you just see yourself as "shy" instead of "I have social anxiety disorder", you will have less excuse to speak out, as some people in the job group did despite looking shyer than I am.
4. I am terrified of jobs. LOL. The social atmosphere is so stressful and full of authority
5. I am an exremist and often try to do too much at once only to go back to the other extreme, only a balanced and slower-than-the extreme progression works for me.
6. If you put yourself out there but say nothing, some people will still be drawn to you

 

[lonely_drummer]

^^^
Your 6th discovery is exactly what I figured out this year, it's soooo true!

 

[da_illest101]

sorry gray but I beat you to it http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/your-2011-in-review-37552/

 

[OceanMist]

I got a part-time job and am more depressed than I have been for a while. Life seems even more boring and depressing.

Discoveries:
1. I don't like talking in most cases.
2. Humans need social interaction.
3. I'm unhappy whether I talk to people or don't talk to people.
4. Not being a virgin is meaningless. It hasn't helped me at all.
5. I may suffer from an anxiety disorder for the rest of my life.

 

[Jegan]

for me the year 2011 has been a string of disappointment after disappointment. I couldnt stay at a job. I was jobless most of the time.. with the debt over $5,000. I had to sell my car in order to pay my rent. I some how got my self in to sighnning a very expensive personal training contract at a gym. I stupidly sighned it without thinking..they have a way of tricking your mind. So im now stuck with a very expnsive contract. My girl friend broke up with me. so it hasnt beeen a very good year for me. ::