ruining other peoples lifes

[behindcloseddoors]

hi I have suffered social phobia all my life, there have been points in my life where I have had brief relationships with girls, none of my relationships has lasted more than 3 months. Usually the girls I meet are the loud outgoing strong type who do all the work.

But the point is I now have 3 children by different mothers, I see all the kids regularly and try to keep the relationship with their mothers friendly.
I feel my Sp is rubbing of on my two boys one of which is now in counselling and not at all on my daughter. My boys have a very small social circle like two or 3 friends, they don't go out and are akward around others.

This is making me feel very depressed and I often think they would be better off without me. I'm taking time of of work at the moment to see a doctor, get some antidepressants and arrange councelling for myself.

My ex's both say that I have put my life on hold for the last 11 years to be around the children, but as they are growing up they need their space and time. Which I understand as I feel I have been stiffling them with my lack of social life I'm always around them.

I don't know if anyone cares or has anything else to suggest, I just wish god would take me know so it all would be over - no more pain.

 

[Funkymunky]

Kids growing and becoming more independent must be a hard time for any parent.In your circumstance its probably made all the more difficult as they may be the only 'friends' you feel comfortable around.This will be a good thing for you though as it will give you more time to focus on yourself and your already taking some huge steps.

You seem to have alot of normal worries about your children but an abnormal amount of guilt.I guess you have to ask yourself,are they really that bad? Maybe your boys prefer small groups of people as its more personal or for other reasons.Perhaps home life is quite comfortable and like most kids these days they enjoy computers,tv,music etc.

I cant really say as obviously I dont know your kids and you haven't said why your son is in councelling but im sure its all mixed factors.There are two parents involved in a childs growth,plus any new bf's their mums have,school peers,all sorts of influencing factors.Remember though that there are kids on drugs,kids who dont speak at all to their parents or hate them,kids commiting crimes etc etc.You sound like an excellent dad and youve tried to be around as much as possible for all three of your children.A task for any father let alone if they live different places.

Your kids are growing up and this is hard time for them but if you can focus a little more on your own recovery and improving your social life,im sure you'll start to see that alot of your worries are over analyzed.In the long run your life improvements may also strengthen your relationships with them.Your kids will be around for a long time!They may not speak to you much in their teens but you'll have to walk your daughter down the isle,comfort her after her first break up,help your son look for his first car,be a grandad to any children they may have etc etc etc...

Dedicate a bigger chunk of time to yourself and remember they will always need their dad so dont go doing anything stupid or youll really screw them up :wink:

 

[jayo]

Hi

Look on the bright side - you've had 2 wives and 3 children.

How much those of us logging on in our late 20s and 30s would give for that?

J