Running into People from the Past

[randomguy19]

When you guys go into any semi-social environment such as a store, restaurant, or even school, does it bother you that you may run into ANYBODY in your past? My problem isn't so much people that I don't know, but rather the majority of the people in my past. These are family members that I haven't seen for years, friends in my childhood, and old buddies from high school. I get so worked up and paranoid that I'll see someone I knew. Because I gained weight and lack social skills, I tend to worry TOO much about what they will think. Anybody on this boat as well? ::

 

[atvsamala]

There's a huge difference between what I looked before and how I am today and every time I meet people from the past, all they can say is I've filled out a lot. They keep saying, "You're so fat right now". Some people would be a bit delighted when they say that while others are so amazed at the changes. There were times before that I would find their comments hurtful but eventually, i just came to terms with it. Anyway, my body is my business and no one has the right to tell otherwise.

Regards,
atvsamala

 

[Banvard]

I fear bumping into old friends & people I’ve worked with. I know for a fact that I would walk straight past them & ignore them, hoping they wouldn’t notice. I’d come off as rude, but really I just don’t like stop and go chit chat.

 

[theblank]

A few years back I was at the library and unexpectedly ran into a guy I used to hang out with 20 years ago. He'd lost a ton of weight and I didn't recognize him, but he recognized me immediately. He proudly told me he was married, had 3 kids, a big house, a good job and was doing well. Then he asked me what I was up to and the humiliation fest began. After a LONG, AWKWARD pause I NERVOUSLY told him that I wasn't doing so good and was just trying to get my life together. I was still single, no kids, unemployed, living with my parents and literally losing my mind. I could see a smirk on his face and I knew he thought I was a total loser. God knows I thought I was one too. I wanted to get away from him as quickly as possible so I told him I had to get going (I was at the library doing research). But instead of going back to my research, I jumped into my car and sped off to a different part of town. I went into a drugstore where I walked around aimlessly trying to deal with my feelings. As I walked out who did I run into again? The same guy. He looked at me like he was confused and said I thought you had to do research? After another awkward pause I told him that I had finished it. He smirked again and shook his head. I couldn't believe I'd been humiliated twice within a 10 minute period by a guy I hadn't seen in 20 years. It was awful.

 

[Fighter86]

I'm sorry something like that happened to you, theblank. It must have felt awful, I can't imagine if it happened to me. Well, recently, I started working in a tertiary institution, and when I applied for the job, I didn't think of all the people I could possibly run into who were studying there, but run into I did, I ran into some ex school mates whoI pretend not to notice, and another one who was working there as well. Now, I don't even go to lunch at this canteen I actually like going to for fear of running into her, and oh, she looks great, it just makes me feel really bad when I see her, I feel so ugly compared to her.

 

[NothingElseMatters]

When you guys go into any semi-social environment such as a store, restaurant, or even school, does it bother you that you may run into ANYBODY in your past? My problem isn't so much people that I don't know, but rather the majority of the people in my past. These are family members that I haven't seen for years, friends in my childhood, and old buddies from high school. I get so worked up and paranoid that I'll see someone I knew. Because I gained weight and lack social skills, I tend to worry TOO much about what they will think. Anybody on this boat as well? ::

try not to worry so much about it,whatever it is that they r thinking doesnt' have any effect on you.they r gonna continue living there lives after they meet u and u r living yours.usually people have so many thoughts and problems that u r not even close to think about what they r thinking

I fear bumping into old friends & people I’ve worked with. I know for a fact that I would walk straight past them & ignore them, hoping they wouldn’t notice. I’d come off as rude, but really I just don’t like stop and go chit chat.

i used to do the same.but i didn like it cause although i didn feel like rude that was what i projected.now when i bump into someone i'll just say hi and see where it goes.maybe they'll say it back and have a talk or maybe they'll ignore me.either way i feel better and if someone ignores , they r rude,not me

 

[Rodox]

I used to be afraid,but I am actually better now than I was then,most people I see are fat,with a lot of kids,look much older than they are.

 

[Jannah]

I fear that too. So I always avoid eye contact with people, just in case I may run into someone I don't feel like saying hi to. I'm not so much afraid of someone being rude to me by not saying hi back, but of the humiliation that will come if they don't answer me in front of everybody, that's what I fear the most being humiliated and of course being rejected.

 

[Flowers-Of-Bloom]

I'm paranoid about meeting people who I never really got along with from school... I saw a girl who I used to know at the train station a few times... I dunno if she recognised me, so when I go to the station or to the shops, I'm all paranoid, more than usual.
Thankfully no one from the past has actually *approched* me. That would be bad...

 

[randomguy19]

I'm glad more replied to this post. I'm also glad that I'm not alone. The ironic thing is, a lot of us are probably doing a lot better than those from our past that now have children and married to someone they will eventually divorce.

 

[mogs]

A few years back I was at the library and unexpectedly ran into a guy I used to hang out with 20 years ago. He'd lost a ton of weight and I didn't recognize him, but he recognized me immediately. He proudly told me he was married, had 3 kids, a big house, a good job and was doing well. Then he asked me what I was up to and the humiliation fest began. After a LONG, AWKWARD pause I NERVOUSLY told him that I wasn't doing so good and was just trying to get my life together. I was still single, no kids, unemployed, living with my parents and literally losing my mind. I could see a smirk on his face and I knew he thought I was a total loser. God knows I thought I was one too. I wanted to get away from him as quickly as possible so I told him I had to get going (I was at the library doing research). But instead of going back to my research, I jumped into my car and sped off to a different part of town. I went into a drugstore where I walked around aimlessly trying to deal with my feelings. As I walked out who did I run into again? The same guy. He looked at me like he was confused and said I thought you had to do research? After another awkward pause I told him that I had finished it. He smirked again and shook his head. I couldn't believe I'd been humiliated twice within a 10 minute period by a guy I hadn't seen in 20 years. It was awful.

I'm sorry, but that is not really a "friend" to treat you like that! It reflects badly on him to do that.
You are not a loser if you don't give up trying to fix these things, just in a jam for the moment, temporarily.

 

[Noca]

Running into people I know is one of the most anxiety provoking situations there are for me.

 

[Flowers-Of-Bloom]

The ironic thing is, a lot of us are probably doing a lot better than those from our past that now have children and married to someone they will eventually divorce.

Exactly! If that's a "life" then the world's perception is warped...
Most people regret getting married/kids these days... it just locks them in. But uhh... but that's for another topic...

I met my former-good friend last week. It was only brief, since there were a lot of people and loud music (ok, it was a club) but yeah. We couldn't really hear each other... And then she had to go... But overall it was fine. We've both changed so much that she barely recognised me, which I take as a compliment!

 

[Illusions]

A few years back I was at the library and unexpectedly ran into a guy I used to hang out with 20 years ago. He'd lost a ton of weight and I didn't recognize him, but he recognized me immediately. He proudly told me he was married, had 3 kids, a big house, a good job and was doing well. Then he asked me what I was up to and the humiliation fest began. After a LONG, AWKWARD pause I NERVOUSLY told him that I wasn't doing so good and was just trying to get my life together. I was still single, no kids, unemployed, living with my parents and literally losing my mind. I could see a smirk on his face and I knew he thought I was a total loser. God knows I thought I was one too. I wanted to get away from him as quickly as possible so I told him I had to get going (I was at the library doing research). But instead of going back to my research, I jumped into my car and sped off to a different part of town. I went into a drugstore where I walked around aimlessly trying to deal with my feelings. As I walked out who did I run into again? The same guy. He looked at me like he was confused and said I thought you had to do research? After another awkward pause I told him that I had finished it. He smirked again and shook his head. I couldn't believe I'd been humiliated twice within a 10 minute period by a guy I hadn't seen in 20 years. It was awful.

Well that sucks, sorry you had to face that, he sounds like a real piece of work.

Usually when I see people from my past I either 1) smile at the ones I was previously on good terms with but not stop to talk, 2) ignore them and walk away quickly, hoping they didn't notice I was there. More of (1) though.

 

[NormanBates]

Somebody from my past lives right across the street from me. Haven't spoken to this person in ten years. But it is always soooo awkward if we happen to be outside at the same time. I know it's silly because all I have to do is yell something to break the tension.

 

[theblank]

I'm sorry, but that is not really a "friend" to treat you like that! It reflects badly on him to do that.
You are not a loser if you don't give up trying to fix these things, just in a jam for the moment, temporarily.

Agreed, this person was not a true friend. To me a true friend, whether you see them a lot or barely at all, is someone who is on your side and supportive of you even when you go through hard times. In my life I've found that the majority of my "friends" have been fair weather friends at best because when I've gone through hard times I've looked around and there has been no one there for me.

I have not given up and I will not give up. If the world wants to judge and condemn me that's fine, but I'm going to keep on fighting and try and find a way to make my life better and worth living. I'm 3 years removed from the situation I described and I thank God every day that I'm not in that hellish situation anymore.

Thanks to you and the others who have replied to my post.

 

[WelshOne]

The fear of running into old friends from school is the whole reason Im so terrified of going into my local town. I havent walked through this town in about 6 years... except on 3 occasions fairly recently where my psychologist has "pushed" me into going with her to a cafe lol.

I dont mind seeing old friends when Im just driving past in my car, though, because I dont have to stop and talk. I do worry that people will notice Im always alone in my car though, and talk about that with other people (paranoia?)

 

[hippiechild]

Yeah, I can see how that might be quite disturbing. I mean, you thought that they were gone for good and now they're staring you straight in the eye! Creepy huh? I wouldn't mind meeting Timothy Leary, John Lennon or Charles Guthrie though. Freud too, he seems like a pretty neat guy.

But seriously, I think that I know what you mean. It doesn't even matter if they were friends or people that disliked me, I avoid them all. I think that there are a few reasons for this. Firstly, people want to talk after not having seen you for a long time. It's an unstoppable force! They WILL come and talk. Secondly, They already know me and have preconceived notions about how I am and what I do. I have no chance for a first impression, they already got that. Unless I adopt a totally different persona, they'll still cling to their old experiences. Third and lastly, the interaction with people from the past works as an anchor to the thoughts and emotions that I had when I last saw them... most of which are anxiety, loneliness, self doubt and a general sense of inferiority. Talking to my old friends puts me in the state of mind that I was in when I last knew them. Hell, even driving through the parking lot of my old school brings me a bizarre cocktail of emotion.

On the other hand, I've changed drastically since anyone has known me. It's hard to tell since I haven't made social contact in so long, but I feel oh so much more worthy now. In fact, apart from still being cripplingly shy, most people wouldn't be able to recognize me as the same person. In this way, I keep them from connecting me up with my former self and placing me where I left off; They cannot match the two people, I've created a new foundation for them... I sometimes fantasize about going back and making a totally new impression on the people that I wish I'd known better (or at all). After years of solitude and thought, I might finally have something to talk about..... hahaha yeah right! ::

 

[Riptor]

I don't worry about it most of the time, but when it happens I get a little nervous. It's consoling to know that the other person is usually as uncomfortable as I am though, so hopefully they are as angry at themselves for not initiating as I am. Everyone has a little SA now and then, this is one of the few times I don't feel like the only one getting anxious.

 

[mogs]

Agreed, this person was not a true friend. To me a true friend, whether you see them a lot or barely at all, is someone who is on your side and supportive of you even when you go through hard times. In my life I've found that the majority of my "friends" have been fair weather friends at best because when I've gone through hard times I've looked around and there has been no one there for me.

I have not given up and I will not give up. If the world wants to judge and condemn me that's fine, but I'm going to keep on fighting and try and find a way to make my life better and worth living. I'm 3 years removed from the situation I described and I thank God every day that I'm not in that hellish situation anymore.

Thanks to you and the others who have replied to my post.

You're welcome babes!! ^_^ Congrats on holding it down and thriving again