Anonymous
Well-known member
Did SA hold you back from what you wanted or should be doing in life? I was smart in high school, the top 25 in my graduating class. Got good grades.. But SA did its destruction, I dropped out of college with an A- average. I tried to go back a few years later, but I was scared when I got there to register. I just sat in the car and cried, then went home.
I have a 20 yr HS reunion in a year. No way in hell am I going. I have nothing happening in my life. A dead man has more going on. I'm way too embarrassed, have no accomplishments. Most classmates I've seen have great careers and family. I'm like a loser bum, with no skills. SA took 20 yrs from me. These reunions are just like pissing contests. You compare each others lives, and laugh at the failures.
And when an invitation is sent (for anything), its always for you and a "guest". Well, I never had a guest to bring. SA, no career, no self esteem. What do you expect..
I went to the beach last summer, was very depressing. Seeing couples on the beach holding hands, laying in the sand making out. The ocean was supposed to calm me down, got me mad.
Even if I finished college, I couldn't get passed in the interviews. I blown every one so far. Poor eye contact, shaking hands, sweating, stuttering.
In most social situatons, i would rather die than suffer thru the anxiety. I have to rehearse phone calls for god sakes. Have no friends. When asked how i'm doing, I lie. When my family is asked how I am, they lie.
How in the hell can one get thru live with SA? Being social is the key to life. You can't succeed and grow as a person without social interaction. Can't make money... Can't build a family. You are judged by your accomplishments, family, and your spot in the social pipeline. I've missed out on several past opportunites. Had a chance to get a few girlfriends (years ago), but I just ran away.
It just hurts so bad seeing other people I know do well, live and experience life. While I live in fear. I read something where most people are in prison due to mental illness because the asylums are full. Hope I don't end up there.
I go to the movies alone. My big night out to eat is the McDonalds drive thru. Can't eat alone in a restaurant, afraid of the waitress anyway.
You can't tell anyone about your SA, because mental illness is laughed at, your labelled, crazy, loony, weak, etc. There's a mentally ill neighbor here, and there's alot of gossip. Others laugh at him.
I don't know where to turn, It feels like I'm losing my grip on a rope, hanging off a cliff and about to let go. My life is such a tragedy.
I have a 20 yr HS reunion in a year. No way in hell am I going. I have nothing happening in my life. A dead man has more going on. I'm way too embarrassed, have no accomplishments. Most classmates I've seen have great careers and family. I'm like a loser bum, with no skills. SA took 20 yrs from me. These reunions are just like pissing contests. You compare each others lives, and laugh at the failures.
And when an invitation is sent (for anything), its always for you and a "guest". Well, I never had a guest to bring. SA, no career, no self esteem. What do you expect..
I went to the beach last summer, was very depressing. Seeing couples on the beach holding hands, laying in the sand making out. The ocean was supposed to calm me down, got me mad.
Even if I finished college, I couldn't get passed in the interviews. I blown every one so far. Poor eye contact, shaking hands, sweating, stuttering.
In most social situatons, i would rather die than suffer thru the anxiety. I have to rehearse phone calls for god sakes. Have no friends. When asked how i'm doing, I lie. When my family is asked how I am, they lie.
How in the hell can one get thru live with SA? Being social is the key to life. You can't succeed and grow as a person without social interaction. Can't make money... Can't build a family. You are judged by your accomplishments, family, and your spot in the social pipeline. I've missed out on several past opportunites. Had a chance to get a few girlfriends (years ago), but I just ran away.
It just hurts so bad seeing other people I know do well, live and experience life. While I live in fear. I read something where most people are in prison due to mental illness because the asylums are full. Hope I don't end up there.
I go to the movies alone. My big night out to eat is the McDonalds drive thru. Can't eat alone in a restaurant, afraid of the waitress anyway.
You can't tell anyone about your SA, because mental illness is laughed at, your labelled, crazy, loony, weak, etc. There's a mentally ill neighbor here, and there's alot of gossip. Others laugh at him.
I don't know where to turn, It feels like I'm losing my grip on a rope, hanging off a cliff and about to let go. My life is such a tragedy.