Selfish vs. Selfless

[Sacrament]

Do you think selfishness is a common trait amongst people with SA, depression, and so forth? In the sense that we are so inwardly focused that we feel as though the universe has dealt us a bad set of cards, and so part of us feels like we don't owe anyone anything and become empty of compassion and selflessness?

I've been in a relationship for 2 and a half years now, and we often get into fights because of my selfishness. Then, one of two things happen: either I become bitter and confront those accusations, or I tell her I'm gonna do better and continue not to focus on her problems when she's talking about them (it becomes a 'me' conversation). I've noticed that I do this way more than I should.

Thoughts? And thoughts on how to change this?

 

[S_Spartan]

Well really most people are selfish. This is the age of selfishness.

But to answer your question, I do believe that anxiety and depression can make a person more selfish because it makes the person feel cut off from the world and many of us are stuck with our own thoughrs for long periods of time,

Plus we are super aware of our brokenness and we are always looking for answers or trying to feel better in the moment.

Another point is that extroverted selfishness is usually better tolerated because it doesn't come off so bitter and people can understand it more.

They may even look up to a selfish extrovert.

The thing I struggle with most is bitterness. I'm bitter that other people can be rotten and get things so easy but I have to struggle for every little thing.

Bitterness is a natural reaction but it is caustic to oneself. Plus other people don't want to be around it. That is unless it can be presented in an extroverted way.

Bitterness and selfishness are negative feedback loops that are extremely hard to break. Especially when you see other selfish people being handed life on a silver platter.

 

[grapevine]

Selfish is a harsh word. and I think if someone tells you your selfish and you believe yourself to be- then you will either act selfless ( which is not great if your not great with yourself) - or actually act selfish because you believe it.

But I dont think having social phobia is selfish. Its not an intention, at least not consciously. Its human nature to be introvert when your fearful, depressed etc. And her saying that to you- is her projecting her own needs as a priority over yours. Understanding, compassion and patience-

Dont take away your own compassion for yourself, that is foremost to be able to have compassion for your partner. Otherwise - you are just people pleasing and not being honest with yourself and that can make you bitter.

And I think men tend to go into their caves more, where as women usually talk it out.