Hi Yossarian,
i was afraid you may feel pressured to amuse people. i hope that i have not contributed to this. i dont want you to feel that you always have to add humour to a post because im sure myself and many other people would still like you for the kindness, support, and understanding that you achieve when posting. It appears that your humour is very natural so your attempt at covering up works. i think deep down though you do enjoy the humour even though you feel that you continuously have to entertain everyone, thats the phobia talking. everyone can be miserable now and again. im fairly sad right now to be honest. everyday waking up without a job, i sort of feel lost and deserted, like i have nothing to live for. i wish that the phone would just ring, as much as i fear the phone, an interview and even going to work. i hate to admit it but i sort of cant be bothered to apply for jobs because i know i wont get them. i feel so lazy.
im female, if you were wondering
about recognising my post! :lol: the 'hi' and 'hello' were not completely deliberate. i just thought i would greet someone differently because i always said the same thing. i didnt realise when or how i had done it. :lol: i didnt mean to make you paranoid!
thanks for the detailed account, maybe im just bad at analysing others people writing.
sorry to hear the SP affected your A levels and got worse. throughout my A levels mine got worse, i didnt feel like going because every few minutes whether someone looked at me, someone moved an object, i would feel my heart beating fast and when someone spoke, it began really pounding etc. i thought if i didnt go though, people would judge me again, i didnt want to be the person that bunked school, i felt that my SP would get worse. i suppose leaving sixth form was a hard choice but your phobia answered it for you. since ive left though, it seemed to relieve some of my fears. only when i go to work i hope it doesnt completly go back the way things were or i wont have made any progress
At least you have some relatively good times to remember at school, and being one of the 'cool' people, thats something to be proud of, ive never been there. i suppose that added to the pressure you felt though.
my career, thats awkward! i've never known what i wanted to do. its so frustrating. i have a small idea now though, i think it only really developed because of finding out about SP, and psychology. i started to get the feeling that i wanted to help others, those with disabilites, mental health problems :lol: the eldery etc, especially SP and eating disorders -so many people think they do it for attention and selfish reasons when no one truly understands unless its them. just like it is for us to avoid anxiety, and then for it to increase the next time presented with the same situation, you can start to lose weight, feel good about it and it can be an obessive routine that your scared to break. you cant help the way you feel about your body. i just really sympathise with this. as we know many people dont connect to mentally ill people and class them as a different sort of species. i really feel that i want to help these people with their problems as i would listen and take them seriously. 2 things wrong with this though. 'us' and many others are scared to seek professional help. then the main problem, i cant help myself so how can i attempt to help others
anyway, i would have needed to go to uni and i dont think that i would have coped with that mentally and the fact that i struggle with studying aswell. I bet you didnt expect or want to here all that
what is you opinion to other mental disorders?
i can see where people are coming from, computer games are not the most common job, someone does it though and i imagine it has good money too. if thats what you enjoy then thats what you should do. people feel it probably isnt a stable job, unusual etc, but go for it if you think your brave enough. i dont know how you get into making computer games though :?
take care
XX