so disheartened....

[Anonymous]

Oh how this becomes complicated to get a job when you have a disease that no one else will ever understand and this is the very reason I hide it too. Maybe if normal life were to disappear I would have a chance. If my mother worked then I would have some time alone to make that dreaded phone call with the confidence that no one else will hear. Even if she pops out in the garden I cannot relax because I cannot complete the phone call in my own time.

Can’t use the phone, making the first barrier to find work. Looking for my first job. Nothing I can do except ring them myself but can’t seem to help myself. Been seeking a job for months...

How long have some of you been out of work?? I'll probably feel worse whether it’s a short period or a long one but anyway please share with me.

So disheartened.

 

[LilMissTragic]

I have been to 2 jobs interviews, got both jobs and lasted one whole day...lmao. I havent tried since, that was about 5 years ago. I've decided to study from home for a while instead, then hopefully attempt to get my dream job.
Have you tried writing down the stuff you want to say on the phone before you actually phone them?.

 

[Anonymous]

i have tried writing it down, thanks all the same! i still cant dial the number. i end up practicing it, it would be so obvious i was reading, but still if i could just do it. i rang an answer phone once, to leave my address for them to send an application pack, but when i went to speak, nothing came out. i was so annoyed with myself. how can nothing come out ? can anyone explain why that happens?? im at the point of giving up trying, i know the phone call wont be successful, i hate the thought of having to ring again another day for something else.

ive applied for jobs that you can do by email, only been semi-successful to one. had an interview but i hardly said anything and they didnt want me. i never know what to say, let alone when you have to impress someone.

(congratulations for getting the jobs, even if you only went for a day )

my family think i am lazy and dont want to work, but i do. i just wish someone would give me a chance, then again i would never employ myself if i was the interviewer. im scared to get a job but it would be better than being judged by my family.

 

[LilMissTragic]

Have you actually let your family know how you feel?. Its a hard thing to understand if you dont suffer from it but maybe if you tell your family, or even write it down, maybe show them this site they will have an insight of whats its like for you.
Please dont give up on the jobs. Before you phone, think of your good points, tell yourself your right for the job and hopefully if you get an interview tell them from the start your a little nervous and very shy. I know its hard for you but it would be just too easy to give up and I dont actually think your that sort of person. Comapnies have to take on disabled people and people with problems and SP comes under that rule.
I really wish you well and all the luck in the world that you find the strength to do all the things you want to do.

 

[Anonymous]

No, my family dont know how i feel atall. i dont wish to tell them about my fears. i think that would just make me more paranoid that they know etc...

i understand what you said about companies having to take on people with disorders, but i dont want others to know about it so i cannot really take this route. also, really, alot of companies want confident people. you would have to be really lucky if they thought your personality would be good for the job. then again i sure alot of people that come to this site do have jobs, so maybe it is possible but i just dont quite know how.

one of these days i will try the phone call again, i just hope one day i manage it. if and when i do get a job though, how am i ment to keep hold of it when it will require phone calls, most likely? oh well.... i just hope im lucky with one i applied to by email, one day.

 

[Yossarian]

Hi disheartened.

I understand your situation completely. I'm 26 and have never worked in my life which drives me mad because I really want to do something with my life instead of just waiting to die. You've got to tell your family though about how you feel, after years of thinking I was just bone Idol my Mom kicked me out of home and I was homeless for years. It's hard I know but you might be pleasantly surprised and if you don't their negative thoughts about you will just make things harder.

P.S. Where I live theres a company called Arena which helps people with mental health problems get (back) into work. They've been really succsessful for a lot of people, I went once but was too scared to go back. You never know there might be something like that where you live. Goodluck with the e-mail applications !

P.P.S Lets start a campaign to ban phones - they're evil !

 

[Anonymous]

Hi Yossarian,

sorry you havent worked all your life. do you mind me asking how you have managed to get through all these years? it must have been so hard for you. have you given up applying to jobs?

telling my parents is something i really cannot consider. i know there attitude to 'mental' people and i dont want to destroy the family. i would either be told im stupid to think this or kind of rejected. they would look at me as some sort of freak, even though i often feel like i am. its strange though because my mum often says stuff like, why wont you go out, your mental, sometimes i feel like saying, yes, yes i am so just leave me alone.

thanks for your advice i might just see if there is something in my area, just to be curious. i couldnt admit it though and go there. you were brave to go once i looked at an application form the other day and it mentioned mental diasbilities etc. i was thinking if you actually ticked the box would somebody want you?? they would still be looking for confident people whether you had an anxiety disorder or not.

sorry, i know i seem negative towards your post but its just the way i feel. i cannot share my feelings with my family. thanks you for replying though, it means alot to me

i agree, lets ban the phones!!! :lol:

 

[Yossarian]

Hey stranger don't worry about feeling negative. If we can't be honest with each other then who can we be honest with.

I know what it's like with the family, cos although I did tell my mum after many years she still doesn't understand. I think she comes from a generation which isn't comfortable with the idea of mental health because when she phones me (shudder) the first thing she asks is 'have you got a job?' which just makes me feel like crap because I know I'm a dissapointment to her. The thing is I know it's hard for her as well and even though I've talked about it before I can't talk to her again. Just the thought makes me feel sick and angry. It's strange I find it easier to talk to anyone but the one person I know who loves me.

Anyway you've got to find someone to talk to and help you. Referring to how I got by (lots of too long stories for any detail, plus it's 2 in the morning and I'm drunk) I was lucky to find various charities which helped young people with various problems. I wonder if there are any near you?
There should be if you're in the U.K. Basically they helped house me and get signed off work by the doctor so at least I'm secure. The problem is I've run out of time with them as I'm 26 and their age range is up until 25.

As to whether I'm still applying for work no. At the moment I've given up on everything. I've been alone for so long I can't see myself ever reintergrating. Guess that's why I wanted to reply to you because the longer it goes on the harder it is to conquer. I really hope you can sort something out.

Sorry if I've gone on too long but my neighbours are keeping me up with some God awful music. It's been nice chatting to you, take care, be strong and if theirs anything else just say.

 

[Anonymous]

Hi Yossarian,

i really appreciate what you write, thank you i still havent found and job . i know exactly what its like to constantly be asked have you found a job yet! it happens all the time. im so annoyed with myself for not getting a job and to keep asking about it just makes you feel worse and more depressed. i just wish i could turn up to somewhere like i did for school and not have to worry about this. it will be hard enough to get through the days anyway let alone days of waiting, worrying, applying, interviews, rejections etc.

i hope you manage to find a job too. if i cant give up neither can you keep going as much as you can. Good luck

 

[Yossarian]

Hi again disheartened

Alright I won't give up. Would make life so much easier though and it is something I'm very good at. The right way's never the easy way eh?

Tell you what I'll race you. The last one to get a job is a rotten egg.

P.S. nice to hear from you again, best wishes

 

[Anonymous]

Hi Yossarian,

:lol:

Your right with exactly what you say! Whats makes it worse is the good days and bad days. When the bad day comes you feel a complete failure, well i do anyway Everything you achieved just disappears

Good luck!!

 

[Yossarian]

Stinks doesn't it. My brain seems to have a default setting of negative and therefore being positive just takes so much effort. Especially if depressed which just drains me of energy making it about 1 million times harder.

This is what annoys me when people say 'just be positive'. 'look on the bright side' AHHH! I'm not completely thick. Of course they are right but to constantly, every waking second, of every minute, of every hour consciously analyse what I'm thinking and force myself into a positive mind set is not easy. From the moment I wake I force myself to wash, get dressed, eat something and then.....well then I have to motivate myself to step outside the door (not always successful), deal with the fear and paranoia when I'm out (not to mention the sweating, hot flushes, nausea etc), force myself into the shop (shops if I'm feeling brave), deal with the cashier (Hi can seem like such a long word sometimes) and then the journey back home. Just when you think it's safe....mum calls!

Maybe I'm just a wimp but this is alot of mental exertion for me. What do I get for my troubles....a pint of milk YAY! Someone once said to me 'think of social situations as a hurdle to overcome' I know it's a hurdle! I've been jumping them for the past ten years! HMPH.

I heard the other day someone had a phobia of baked beans. I could quite happily live life without facing a baked bean but people? They're everywhere damn it.

Anyway I didn't mean to go on so long. What I really wanted to say is from now on if I have a good day I'm going to celebrate. Like a birthday except hopefully more common. I'll send myself a happy Goodday card, buy a cake (chocolate), a few drinks, invite some imaginary friends round and not wake up in the morning with a girl I don't know. Oh and make a badge, can't forget the badge.

Also I found a quote from Ted Hughes you might like:

'Do not Pick up the Telephone'

Death invented the phone it looks like the altar of death
Do not worship the telephone
It drags its worshippers into actual graves
With a variety of devices, through a variety of disguised voices

Will try to find if there's more, feels a bit unfinished to me.
Take care

 

[Anonymous]

Hi again Yossarian, + twice in one day!

your posts really amaze me! i know most of what i read on this site I can relate to but the way you write yours exactly fit my feelings. i agree with every single part of your post! I love the way you add the humour too, thats talent

the quote does not seemed finished to me either

i know how stressful it can be, talking with your mum. i like my own space, i suppose to think about things and my day, not wise but still. my family are always around, it hard to escape. after a while though it can get lonely. my mums very over protective and even wants to know why i go to my room if im there a while. ill just say nothing, but then when i feel ready to join the family again, i find it hard as i cut myself off. persevere ringing your mum. at least it keeps the day going, even though she may ask awkward questions.

im at home with my mum every day and she may occasionally say: im going to post a letter, want to come? im not joking, the post box is four houses away from mine!! what do i do, panic, 'go out', i cant go out, so many things go through my mind, what time of day is it?-how many people will be around? are any neighbours out? is what im wearing ok? etc. despite all this what do i say, no. i cant even post a letter. i often need to know things a certain period of time before, to plan, not too long though or i panic and dont go through with it. i can never do things on the spare of the moment. sorry ive sort of gone off the point but i just wanted to agree that it takes so much effort mentally to do simple things

 

[Yossarian]

:lol: going off the point is great ! It's how natural coversation happens. Our minds are so terrified about saying the right thing all the time it does us good to give them a little freedom and let them wonder. Thinking and writing on the spur of the moment you might say.

Especially when I can relate to what you say. Those kind of thoughts go through my mind as well when I go out. As for your mum, yeah everyone needs their own space. This is something we all SP or not go through. It's a natural process of growing up. Doesn't make it less annoying though. For years the only time my mum saw me was to get food, grunt and disappear back to my room. Glad you still join them now and again, I think it's important we don't isolate ourselves completely.

Your mum sounds like she really loves you. How do you think she would react if she found out you were SP? Maybe if she understood you better she might be able to help? Not that I'm trying to pressure you, I know how hard it can be. I'm just curious what you think. I know you said before your parents have a negative attitude to mental health problems. But maybe if they understood what SP is they might realise you're not 'mental' but the same person you have always been. I'm sorry if I seem to go on about it, the last thing I want to do is push you away. I just don't want you to suffer this alone. Promise I won't go on about it again!

Best wishes and all that jazz!

 

[Anonymous]

Hi Yossarian,

I must say ive never been the classic teenager to live out of my room, maybe because of my mum being concerned if i went there in the 1st place! i think she thought i had something to hide as she couldnt see what i was doing. now im older she doesnt make me come out my room but still tries to find out what im doing. i only go to my room for about 10 minutes to have a think sometimes. i have spent the last two years living out of our tiny study due to my A levels, maybe thats the equivalent. i guess i struggled, what with worrying about peoples perception of my marks, i aways kept going to my best, staying up to the early hours of the morning and stuff. maybe that helped contribute to my phobia, not talking to people for so long and being isolated. ive always been shy but the last two years is when it got real bad! Also, my brother gets brilliant marks for EVERYTHING so there is a lot of comparison. sorry about that!

Im really not sure how my mum woulds react if i told her i had SP. i dont know whether she would think im serious to be honest. if i managed to convince her, i dont think she would feel comfortable about it. I really dont know, its quite unpredictable.

if i join the site i will have to give my email address, thats got to have some links to my computer? wont it? for example, every time i visit the site it goes in your search history, joins the cookies folder and the temporary internet files. i delete all of these after each visit to the site? obssessive i no! i still worry that there are others ways of tracing this?? My brother is really good with computers and often alters the settings etc.

maybe i could make up a name to post on my guest posts, so that people know which guest i am, it must be annoying for people not to know who they are talking to. that still scares me though. what would i do with all the other posts ive written, they will still remain as someone else. anyway i wouldnt know what to have as my name!

Sorry to go on!


Hope your ok xx

 

[Yossarian]

I'm never writing to you again if you don't join....:lol: only kidding.

Lets make a pact. From now on when we talk to each other, we never apologise about what we write..deal?

As for computers I don't know anything. They send one e-mail to confirm your nickname and password and that's it. You can let them send you mail to say someone's replied to a thread etc but you don't have to. So there is no difference between being a member or guest apart from receiving one initial e-mail. Once you delete that (which you seem good at) you are home and dry!

I'm not very good at picking usernames but you can think of something in time. Guest names work for some but anyone can say they're anyone. Either way it's what you feel comfy with that counts. I have this image of you now sitting at the computer in a large trench coat wearing fake glasses and moustache :lol: Seriously I'm sad to hear it's so difficult for you to post here it must just make things tougher.

Would it help if I gave you my e-mail or would you still be paranoid about being found out? I'm not to comfy giving out an e-mail but if it would help I will do.

Either way take care and well done completing your A-levels I never got past Christmas on two attempts. Can I ask what subjects you did? I did Art & Design, Maths and Psychology the first time, then changed Maths for Photography.

 

[Anonymous]

Hello Yossarian,

ill try not to say sorry, :lol: i just looked back at a few messages and i didnt know i wrote it so much, so for the last time, i hope, i truly am sorry about that. and you have nothing to worry about either because i do value everything you say

its ok, theres no need for you to give out your email address on the internet, thanks alot though posting like this and reading has helped me alot already (even if not exactly in the real world) i think ill carry on like this for a while. Although i read all the posts here and everyones friendly, the more i get to know someone the harder it gets for me because i get scared of the responsibility of committment to that person. i would hate to let them down. then i get more nervous every time i see that person. if someone likes my personality at a quick glance and talks to me, i just get anxious that the more they find out about me they wont like me anymore. now though, no one even tries to talk to me. somehow, im trying to improve before i get my job! one day i hope!

i still dont understand how you seemed to recognise my post. im curious, what do i write like?! i know if your name wasnt at the top i could probably tell you because of you good humour but i dont have that.

i think this SP must be awful for you because you seriously are a fantastic person, its hard to imagine you have SP. i think you deal with it great that you can laugh about it alot. or is that your way to cover some of your feelings? do you show your humour to others? i know though from coming here that other people make me laugh about the silly things we do sometimes and that helped me too, sometimes i do laugh at myself now. i know just by saying it, it wont cure all your fears, but for what its worth i think that people will love your personality and you should not be afraid at all.

For my A levels, i took Psychology, Biology, Geography and Business Studies but only took Psy, Bio and Geo on to the full A level. may i ask why you didnt complete yours? was it the SP or for other reasons? I didnt know you could take a photography A level, its better than Maths though, thats hard!! i cant draw but i envy those that can! :lol: Psychology is how i spotted my problem. we only touched on it but i went further. every single thing on the websites meant something to me even if it was a little. it doesnt seem to me that i fall under a category of mental illness, i suppose sometimes i do feel crazy but more just like a freak. Anyway, it was a lot of relief to know that i wasnt suffering alone, not that i wish anyone to feel like this.

Hope your ok, take care

 

[Yossarian]

Hello to you to Guezza!,

I'm glad we can now correspond without fear of offending each other or thinking we will be received badly.

I get worried about about peole finding my 'true self' and rejecting it. Especially as I can be quite bitter and miserable. Humour? You're a sweetheart/top bloke (delete as applicable) and I'm glad you are able to find some things to laugh about. For me it's a mixture of wanting to please others, covering up, but most of all I just want to be happy. I worry if people get to know me better I am constantly under pressure to amuse them. What if I fail to make them laugh, will they still like me? There is no escape! :lol:

As for how I guessed it was you. I'm not sure. I've had a re-read of your posts and have a few ideas. First I noticed you changed Hi to Hello, is this deliberately? Honestly at the time it was the greeting that first caught my attention, God knows why, almost everyone says "Hi XXXXX!,". Also you said you've read my posts and knew my age. Apart from making me paranoid, I thought surely this detail would only be remembered by someone who I had directly written to. The more I had written directly to them the greater the likelihood of remembering my details. This my friend made you the prime suspect (maybe that could be your pseudonym)

Now for the more ambiguous evidence. (Hee Hee I feel like Miss Marple now :lol: ) We all write from a personal standpoint, therefore we all leave traces of our character in our posts. We are all made up from the same emotions, what makes us unique is the precise balance/degree of each emotion. When you write, you seem to be very thoughtful, apologetic, express your SP in a way that isn't too depressed and always inject some hope and goodwill to others. Now we all do this to some extent but it is the balance with which you do that makes us unique. Like a mental fingerprint or signature. Not to mention grammer, punctuation, sentence structure etc

This is not something that can be measured exactly but on a subconscious level, i.e. Gut Feeling, I thought you 'sounded' familiar. Hope this helps.

As for my A-levels, yeah it was SP. It really kicked in after I left school. Unlike many here I enjoyed school on the whole. There were bad times but for most of it I had quite a few friends and was relatively popular. Whisper this quietly, but to some degree I was one of the 'cool' people. And yes it was because I could make peole laugh. How the mighty fall :lol: .

Enough of me for now, what do want to do career wise. If you weren't SP and could do anything you want. Now back to me :lol: I would love to make computer games, shame I let people convince me it wasn't a serious career choice.

Anyway, as always I wish you well and hope you post again :wink:

 

[Anonymous]

Hi Yossarian,

i was afraid you may feel pressured to amuse people. i hope that i have not contributed to this. i dont want you to feel that you always have to add humour to a post because im sure myself and many other people would still like you for the kindness, support, and understanding that you achieve when posting. It appears that your humour is very natural so your attempt at covering up works. i think deep down though you do enjoy the humour even though you feel that you continuously have to entertain everyone, thats the phobia talking. everyone can be miserable now and again. im fairly sad right now to be honest. everyday waking up without a job, i sort of feel lost and deserted, like i have nothing to live for. i wish that the phone would just ring, as much as i fear the phone, an interview and even going to work. i hate to admit it but i sort of cant be bothered to apply for jobs because i know i wont get them. i feel so lazy.

im female, if you were wondering

about recognising my post! :lol: the 'hi' and 'hello' were not completely deliberate. i just thought i would greet someone differently because i always said the same thing. i didnt realise when or how i had done it. :lol: i didnt mean to make you paranoid! thanks for the detailed account, maybe im just bad at analysing others people writing.

sorry to hear the SP affected your A levels and got worse. throughout my A levels mine got worse, i didnt feel like going because every few minutes whether someone looked at me, someone moved an object, i would feel my heart beating fast and when someone spoke, it began really pounding etc. i thought if i didnt go though, people would judge me again, i didnt want to be the person that bunked school, i felt that my SP would get worse. i suppose leaving sixth form was a hard choice but your phobia answered it for you. since ive left though, it seemed to relieve some of my fears. only when i go to work i hope it doesnt completly go back the way things were or i wont have made any progress At least you have some relatively good times to remember at school, and being one of the 'cool' people, thats something to be proud of, ive never been there. i suppose that added to the pressure you felt though.

my career, thats awkward! i've never known what i wanted to do. its so frustrating. i have a small idea now though, i think it only really developed because of finding out about SP, and psychology. i started to get the feeling that i wanted to help others, those with disabilites, mental health problems :lol: the eldery etc, especially SP and eating disorders -so many people think they do it for attention and selfish reasons when no one truly understands unless its them. just like it is for us to avoid anxiety, and then for it to increase the next time presented with the same situation, you can start to lose weight, feel good about it and it can be an obessive routine that your scared to break. you cant help the way you feel about your body. i just really sympathise with this. as we know many people dont connect to mentally ill people and class them as a different sort of species. i really feel that i want to help these people with their problems as i would listen and take them seriously. 2 things wrong with this though. 'us' and many others are scared to seek professional help. then the main problem, i cant help myself so how can i attempt to help others anyway, i would have needed to go to uni and i dont think that i would have coped with that mentally and the fact that i struggle with studying aswell. I bet you didnt expect or want to here all that what is you opinion to other mental disorders?

i can see where people are coming from, computer games are not the most common job, someone does it though and i imagine it has good money too. if thats what you enjoy then thats what you should do. people feel it probably isnt a stable job, unusual etc, but go for it if you think your brave enough. i dont know how you get into making computer games though :?

take care XX

 

[Yossarian]

Hello again,

I'm not to bad anymore with the humour thing. Friends should be there during the good and bad times. If they just want to be amused they can damn well pay me I seem to feeling quite positive lately, like the world should worry about me rejecting them for a change. Doesn't last when I get outside and see the whites of their eyes though :lol: Oh well, spose somethings better than nothing.

I don't want you to think I analyse or scrutinise every post to get some psychological profile ! No, I just had a gut feeling about most of it. Only when you asked how I guessed did I go over your posts and try to understand why I felt it. Please don't get paranoid! Don't worry I wasn't, merely curious.

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling so bad about not working. Hey if we're talking lazy - I woke up at 4pm the other day! Beat that . I just thought of some ideas...Have you heard of connexions? they help 13 - 19 year olds find work. Check their web site if you fall into that age category, I think they could really help. Also Modern Apprenticeships? Millenium Volunteers could be great for experience and confidence. Connexions an MV are really helping and would be really understanding. Connexions provide a service which is catered around the client’s needs and as well as providing career help they might be a great support in helping you overcome SP. You can just tell your family they are helping you find work so you shouldn’t worry about them finding about your SP.

Helping others is a very noble cause. Far cooler than being a self-centered, shallow, greedy narcissist which seems to be all the rage today. You sound cooler to me than I or any of my friends ever were.

It’s not uncommon for those who have had problems to want to help others. It could be a great source of confidence and self-worth too. How can you help others if you can’t help yourself ? You would be surprised how much strength you can find if someone else needs you. Also many social work type places encourage if not require work and study so its not too late for Uni if you ever feel brave enough.

I hope if this is what you want you can find a way in. Maybe try looking at local charities for experience etc. Remember this field of work is about helping people so they should be very understanding and supportive of you. Helping the homeless could be a good start as many, too many are homeless due to mental health problems. Also charities are usually desperate for help as it is often unpaid or if at all paid poorly. It also looks very good on your CV and can give you ‘transferable skills’ for future employment.

No I didn’t expect what you wrote but I’m glad you did. I hope you write more in the future too. As for my opinions of other mental health disorders? I’ve written too much already…..suffice it to say unlike many ‘normal’ people I believe in true equality. What has happened in the past and to some extent now, horrifies me. I guess it is the final excuse for classing someone as sub-human, mental illness
But that is another post altogether.

Take care, may life treat you well. You deserve it.