Anonymous
Well-known member
I am pretty sure I have social anxiety but just want other people's opinions as well. I mean I know there must be something wrong with me and that probably is a big sign. Ever since I was younger I had problems keeping eye contact with people. I don't know if out of shyness or not being able to pay attention like? All I know anyways this has gotten better as I worked on it and can keep pretty good eye contact with people but alot of times seem easily distracted. Anyhow thats not my real problem but maybe a symptom. When I was 19 I had a pretty traumatic experience when I was shot. I guess I didn't realize it at the time but it really affected me emotionally. I think a main part of why it was so detrimental to me was because i acted like it was nothing and didnt come to terms really with it. Alot of times I try not to really think about it too much again because I fear it will be as bad for me as it was when it happened. (The incident replayed and replayed in my head for weeks, months after) But I think eventually I pretty much came to terms with what happened, but still try not to think too long on remembering. Anyways, even before this incident I wasn't too great at making new friends, or talking to people I didn't know. But after this event I think it really turned me anti-social against people in general. I don't know if it is anti-social or social- anxiety but I assume they are pretty much the same thing. Anyhow I DEFINITALY do not like talking to new people/people I don't know. Its like I get this fear that I feel in my gut kinda... not just emotionally. I mean even knowing that when I force myself to talk to people it doesn't end up being bad at all, I still have this fear all the time. Its like I can't get over it, build the confidence, to feel better about talking to new people. It affects me all the time. At work, parties, stores. And even worse I defenitely know about my fear and thinking about it makes it worse. I don't like to even talk on the phone to people. I find myself going through an imaginary conversation before hand just so I can kind of "troubleshoot" any kind of conversation "problems" I might have. Then i finally force myself to call and its not so bad at all. I mean for the most part I pretty much get over these fears by forcing myself "most" of the time, but why then the fear is just as bad next time. I mean shouldn't my fear be diminishing, .. confidence greater? I find myself avoiding eye contact with people at work and hoping they dont talk to me, even though I know they are pretty nice people. In turn I feel they know I am avoiding them and always feel people are talking about me. This makes me feel worse and makes me want to avoid them more. It tears me up in side. I try to fake smile and ignore these feelings, but inside my mind is just constantly thinking these fearful thoughts. Every day seems kind of like a personal hell to me.I can't communicate well with people, I can't make new friends, its pretty much impossible to meet women. I mean generally I am fine and can speak well and have fun with people I allready know, its just people I don't know and when Im in larger groups, bars, work ... where I know there are more than a few people around that I have the most anxiety. I always feel everyoine is looking at me, or talking about me. And, like I said then I just dwell on it until it almost becomes unbearable and I feel very insecure. Is my experience very similar to anyone elses on this board? I am sure it is. If so what have you been diagnosed with.? I really feel I should go see a doctor but ontop of everthing I am really financially stressed right now and can't afford to miss work. I have found a site that will give me an online consultation for Paxil, but don't want to take it (waste my money) if its not social anxiety. Also I don't want to go to the doctor because, although it would be a DOCTOR, I am fearful of talking to someone I don't know about this.
