Social phobia

[esp]

I've had social phobia a long time. I wonder if I'll ever be able to fit in anywhere, having never really worked or had a relationship or been a partier. I avoided parties and outings as a teenager because I was very shy and afraid of being played a joke on, and I couldn't talk to guys either. I just couldn't face going out and having my friends leave me alone, being left in the lurch, so I never did it. I guess it would have helped to have good friends but I didn't! And I was too afraid to make new friends because at school girls sit in groups and some of them don't want you there. I also didn't want to go out in case some bully was there and they picked on me. All this avoidance means that I never got to live a normal life and I just never went out and met anyone. I studied at college but that was all, I didn't make any new friends. I was always too afraid to get a job, because I hate answering the phone, and dealing with customers or scary bosses. I was going to go into business for myself and studied at home but I couldn't do that either. I really want a boyfriend but could never talk to guys and so never got over my fear of them. Boys were the ones who teased me at school so of course I avoided them. I also always didn't feel too great about myself and never got over that. I just always had huge crushes on guys who probably didn't know I existed. I'm getting exposure treatment at the moment so I can shop and drive. But I get worried about how will I deal with people my age when they see that I don't drink alcohol, or am really shy, or have never been to a club or pub and have never had a boyfriend. What do I tell them when they ask what I do? Dealing with people is just so hard. Lots of people my age have been in jobs for years, are starting their own families and getting married and building houses. Here I am just starting to get out there. I don't know, is there anyone out there who understands?

 

[Chilling__Echo]

hi esp!

first of all most of us on the board can relate, i know i can. i don't drink or party and my first year of college (last year) i met one person that i still talk to now and can have a friendship with.

also remember, it's not all about drinking or partying, don't feel like that's the only way to meet people. as much as it seems like everyone out there drinks and parties, not everyone does. you've just got to find those people, which is hard when everyone is out doing their own thing. try and meet someone in class. don't waste your education or life on that crap anyway, create an advantage for yourself. while you're out there with job offers, they're going to be wishing they hadn't partied so much when they're sitting at home broke.

don't worry about not having a bf either. it's not about just having one anway, it's about finding someone you can trust and care for and relate to. good job on the exposure treatment, it's the best thing you can do for yourself and you will gain confidence! everything else will fall into place afterwards. but right now you're on the right track, just keep at it and know that there are others out there that you haven't met yet that you can trust and not fear their judgements. good luck and keep at your good work

 

[Angie_05]

Chilling Echo gave really good advice so I won't say much.

I now can attend parties if I force myself to, but I choose not to. I have chosen to spend my time with people I know I like/love, rather than strangers who will forget me by tomorrow. I've been to clubs a few times. The cool thing about clubs is that there are so many people there that hardly anyone will notice you. And trust me, there are people in the clubs who can't dance well but do it anyway and I enjoy that. They aren't all pretty, cute, or outgoing either. Some just sit back and have a drink.

Because of the choices I've made, I don't feel so guilty about my SA.

 

[esp]

Hi, thanks for taking the time to reply. I guess I'm afraid to let people know my age. I'm 29. I wonder if people will accept me having not experienced much, when they would have had jobs and relationships and maybe even families and living out of home. How embarrassing.

 

[Angie_05]

Hi, thanks for taking the time to reply. I guess I'm afraid to let people know my age. I'm 29. I wonder if people will accept me having not experienced much, when they would have had jobs and relationships and maybe even families and living out of home. How embarrassing.

I don't think that your lack of relationships will be a problem when trying to start a relationship. First of all, no one needs to know your past. Second, most people would prefer a partner who has a simple past and very few past partners. Believe it or not, there may be others out there who have had the same experience as you do.

As far as the jobs, I do believe an opportunity will arise on its own. We all start small. I think that social phobia has caused me to be more focused at the jobs that I've had. When you fill out a resume, be sure to put qualities such as that, as well as your experience with using computers and writing. Everything counts.

 

[Fighter86]

Hey esp,
Look on the bright side, at least you got through college...I am now at the 3rd attempt at a tietiary education due to SA...left 2 schools & am now at the third... :roll: