Socializing doesnt work?

[shybutsexy]

They say that for you to socialize you have to take risks and talk to people but thats a lot of bs.

This morning i was taking the bus to school like usual, then this girl comes into the bus, she was kind of pretty, she goes to the same college that i do because ive catched that same bus with her a couple times, and she comes with this Rubiks Cube in her hands and playing with it (if you dont know what a Rubik cube is google it up, its some sort of puzzle cube game with diferent colors that you have to solve) so she sits next to me and it happens that i know how to solve the cube, i see that she is struggling to solve it and she is a little confused, so i decided to have some courage for the first time in my life and talk to a total stranger, i figured that if im trying to talk to people im probably not gonna get another oportunity as good as this one, i told her that i knew how to solve it and i could teach her if she wants, so she handed me the cube and the second she did my hands started shaking, it was REAAALLY obvious and she could totally tell that my hands were shaking so badly while i was trying solve the cube, i started to sweet a lot, she even asked me if i was ok, i told her i was fine and kept solving it, it turns out that halfway through solving the cube i forgot how the rest was done because i was so nervous, i told her that i couldnt remember the rest and she laughed and told me "theres no problem" , i handed the cube back to her halfway done when she was expecting me to do it completly, it was all SOO embarrasing, the bus stoped and i got off quickly.

Is this how its gonna work everytime? i cant do this, she was really nice to me all the time but she probably ended up thinking there was something wrong with me or that i was some kind of freak. If i do this again a houndred times i dont see how i can ever come up with a diferent result.

Well just wanted to let it out, if you have ever experienced something like this or have any advice plz coment.

 

[mmmm]

I think this thread needs a new title. As hard as SA tried to make this incident for you, I would say that socialising DID work this time. People laughing and saying "no problem" is definitely a good social sign. It looks to me like she bought your story about being fine. It is probably safe to talk to her again. Maybe have some excuses ready like "I should quit drinking sweet coffee. It gives me the shakes and makes me sweat." (giggle giggle). In fact, that sort of cover story could be a good way to initiate a conversation.

Well done for taking the leap. I see nothing in this story for you to be ashamed of.

 

[I'm Not There]

This is not how it will work every time. I didn't use to believe it myself that repeatedly practicing would be any help, but it is. It's normal that your first time didn't go smoothly; the key is doing it again and again and again and eventually it will become a lot easier. Persistence is everything, remember that.

 

[Kinetik]

Socializing tends to backfire if you don't have the necessary confidence and/or network of people behind you to back you up. That's the main reason people know people; to help them out. It's selfish, but it serves its purpose, and it makes folks feel like they're popular and brave. That's why if we do it, we stick out like a sore thumb, but on the other hand, it does make us ten times braver than those people who have a whole crowd behind them. So we definitely deserve kudos if and when we stick our necks out to socialize, even if we feel like we didn't do too well.

 

[cosmosis]

It's funny how these things go. From our perspective...we think that we failed, we think they hate us, that they won't ever want to talk to us again.....but the reality is that from their perspective, they usually just think its funny, perhaps a little strange or curious, but more times than not, its actually something people like (they are not offended). For whatever reason, people love to see mistakes, things going wrong and they do NOT hate you for it, in fact they probably love it. It's unfortunately the nature of social anxiety to make a disconnected reality in the effort to fix it.

 

[Kiwong]

I reckon you did good, and she wasn't that worried, even asked if you were all right. Your hands shook, don't beat yourself up about it. She sounds nice and friendly. Keep up the courage, somtimes you'll win, and practice will make you better at it.

 

[shybutsexy]

Thanks for replys. I guess you are right taking the risk was the best choice, hopefully i can get better the more i do it. But now im really scared about whats gonna happen if i see her again on the bus, because we take the same bus quite often, i might have another panic attack, dont know if i should talk to her or ignore her, im probably just gonna end up leaving the bus and wait for the next one XD my only hope is that she doesnt remember me and hopefully wont recognize me.

It looks to me like she bought your story about being fine. It is probably safe to talk to her again. Maybe have some excuses ready like "I should quit drinking sweet coffee. It gives me the shakes and makes me sweat." (giggle giggle). In fact, that sort of cover story could be a good way to initiate a conversation.

lol thanks,i really apreciatte your advice, i dont know, if talking to her was hard, doing what you want me to do after i screwed up is gonna be 10 times harder, not sure if can pull that off. Im so scared of her right now that i could totally just go ahead and walk 6 miles to school or take a cab.

 

[boro]

Believe it or not this is quite a good outcome. You did get nervous which can obviously be a shameful thing to remember, but despite this her reactions were actually quite positive. This should help prove to you that nothing catastrophic is bound to happen if you do freak out and get nervous.

Also, if she sits next to you again youll already have had more experience in that exact situation than the previous time before. So you may well be less nervous than before. However you have to fully accept what happened before and move on or nothing will change. Also, you may want to just try accepting that you will most likely get the shakes at some point as you did before. I think would go a long way as it lowers your expectations so that if you do manage to seem "normal" (in your mind) for a brief moment you will automatically feel unexpectedly good and uplifted rather than 'well this is what i was hoping for, must keep this up' which creates more pressure in my opinion and pressure creates nervousness.