Socialphobia, Perfectly normal!

[LilMissTragic]

My thoughts...
Socialphobia is one of the most natural phobias on this planet. I and my fiance have thought long and hard about it and have come to realise that, like all animals, we have a healthy fear of people. I mean, people are the cruelest species on this planet, they hurt thier own, they destroy the wonderful planet they live on, they are judgemental, they bully for fun and they usually care about no one but themselves. I'm not saying ALL people are like that but they do ALL have the capabilty and I think thats what us socialphobes are wary about. We dont know whos going to be nice, we dont know if we are going to get a smile or a look that says 'drop dead'. So, instead we get stuck in our own little lonely worlds, thinking the worst, as thats whats expected, you only have to turn the TV on. People being killed, raped, maimed....nothing nice ever seems to be news worthy.
So, people, next time you think your abnormal, stop and think about it...your more normal than you think!

 

[Horatio]

Hi LilMiss,

I agree with a lot that you say, people ARE cruel and maybe to fear people is "normal"

However the fact that I am lonely suggests that also it is normal to have a desire for pleasent company, and if Socialphobia prevents one from having that company (as it does me, 22 yrs old and never had a gf) then I dont think I will ever see socialphobia as normal.

Interesting viewpoint all the same LilMiss

Horatio

 

[LilMissTragic]

I think I'm going to give up on trying to take this subject lightly and with a pinch of humour. I'm fed up with SP being made out to be the end of the world!
18 years worth of SP is bad enough, If I couldnt laugh at it then I would be in the gutter. I've also come to realise that SP isn't the worse thing to have. At least SP isn't going to kill me, at least I can try to get over it, I have enough fight to keep me from tipping over the edge. I do beleive...and I know that we have and do do it at some point...that we spend too much of our time feeling sorry for ourselves. I'm determined not to feel that way, I'm determined to get on with it.
I'm just curious how many of you out there are actually determined. I've seen people let thier SP eat them up, I've also seen people getting on with thier lives by sheer determination. SP is not the be all and end al!

 

[Horatio]

Well I for one am determined, but my determination eeems to go through stages, like I fight hard against it for a while and then lose hope, then fight against it again. Overall I find that usually my long term situation doesnt change no matter how hard I try and personally the more I try the more frustrated and desperate I get.
At the moment I feel like a fat man trying to run up a downwards travelling escalator.
Then again Im sure i will be more determined to beat it soon and hopefully I will make it up another few steps before collapsing for another breather =p

 

[LilMissTragic]

I'm so glad to hear someone has the determination to beat this. I was beginning to give up hope. My SP has been more or less under control this year, I'm finally getting the hang of it, I've realised that only I can cure myself and I'm sure that i'm now on that first step towards recovering from it. Maybe not fully, I think I will always be shy but thats better than being Socialphobic. My determination to have a normal life is paying off. I've pushed myself to do things...even though sometimes I felt like going home and staying there...I persevered.
I hope you all get to where I am now...or better still I hope you all get over your SP. I'm sure it can be done.

 

[Horatio]

thats the spirit!

its certainly not easy to be determined, certainly there will always be a lot of setbacks and to one with SP, setbacks can sometimes feel like signifigantly bigger than they really are. I for one have perfected the art of beating myself up over set backs that really werent my fault.

Im beggining to find that the more I learn/read about socialphobia, the easier it is to recognise a lot of those signs that I wasnt previously aware of. And once aware of them its a lot easier to fight them, even if its against my instinct.

so with that in mind I think this forum is a great tool for helping people who are determined to beat it

best of luck to you!

Horatio

 

[steve111]

Through research i have found that human beings have a social nature. We are made to interact with each other. We do have a light 'fear' of strangers, in order to protect our well being. But when this protective instinct becomes a 24/7 over empowering fear that limits our lives, then something is wrong with our thinking.

I believe that humans are born with a certain amount of shyness. And that cannot really change. But shyness is not SA/SP.

As the term suggests, Social "PHOBIA" is a phobia, same as arachnaphobia and such. Something happened in your life at some time that shaped your thought regarding social interaction. Most people do not believe me when i say this, but I do believe it can be eliminated quite fast.

 

[LilMissTragic]

WHY CAN NO ONE SEE THE HUMOUR IN WHAT I WROTE!!!
lmao...Dont take every subject on here to heart, I'm just trying to make people see that life is funny so dotn take anything out of context!

And it really doesnt take research to realise that humans are social creatures now does it...lol

 

[Mooncalf]

LilMissTragic, I agree totally, I've always tried telling people that *we* are the normal ones. It's normal to be afraid of this world and it's people, when the people treat us like crap. It's the people who accept it, and are *not* afraid who are unballanced in some way.

Part of social anxiety is not accepting your own fears and simply failing to accept yourself and act yourself. The sooner people realise what LilMissTragic said is kind of true, the sooner they can - not so much deal with their issues, but accept them as part of who they are. And for me personally, once I accepted myself I found myself able to mix socially more often, because I saw myself as unique.

This was the cure for me. Not drugs, not hypnotism or councelling, but accepting my fears as part of who I am, and realising that I'm not a freak, I'm just unique.

 

[LilMissTragic]

AHA, some humour at last, YAY!!!
I know we all have our bad days...but I hope you all have good days too, I know I do. When was the last good day you had and what was it that made it a good day??

I had a good day yesterday, I took my ferrets out with my fiance. They look so cute on thier little leads and were going mad and digging and stuff and the response from people walking past was one of delight at seeing them. It was weird, I was getting attention from people but in an indirect way because they were so fascinated in watching the ferrets that I answered thier questions without feeling too anxious. It made me feel really good.

Anyways, I'm interested to hear about you lot, so get writing

 

[Horatio]

The escalator buisness is thriving well thanks worrydoll. Maybe us socialphobics could have our own mini paraolympics and backwards escalator climbing could be a sport?

Im on meds too, the long term meds seem to be making no difference but I have these new pills that are great for short term, one pill gives me an instant "hit" for a few hours which relaxes me and makes me less anxious. Although it wont always prevent panic attacks it makes them more bearable and its allowed me to have a little bit of control of the illness. Aparently they are very addictive so Im not allowed to take very many or for long term and they make me very sleepy but hey, it helps me.

Ferret walking? Well thats definetly the second sport for our Olympics. Im glad that you had a good day Tragic. When was my last good day?

Well on Wednesday I went into town by myself (which is always a struggle for me) and bought some postcards for my collection for the first time in months. Yes Im 22 and I collect old postcards and I know that isnt a normal interest to have but having socialphobia as a teenager led me down some weird solitary paths and my interests reflect that. Most guys my age where I live collect cars and girlfriends whilst I collect old postcards. But they are very pretty postcards, so Wednesday was happy day for me =)

heres a quote that applies to getting through socialphobia

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
--Mark Twain

Regards

Horatio

 

[Mooncalf]

Hmm ... well most days are kind of good for me now, but I don't want to rub it in anyone's face.

But you know what? I've travelled around, been up all night drunk and dancing in night clubs, I've had girlfriends, I've slept around, I've learned how to fence, woked in all kinds of jobs, gave public speaches on art, I've been to university and made something of myself by the world's standards, I've met new people every day for the past year and done things that 3 years ago I would have rather curled up into a ball and died than do. BUT I enjoy NOTHING more than sitting at home, reading a good book, browsing the net, playing a video game, watching a good movie on televission or having a deep converation with somebody I already know and love and don't fear.

My point is that nobody should tell social phobiacs that they don't have a life, because living is simply doing the things that you enjoy, and if you don't enjoy things that the rest of the world does because they scare you then that's just a matter of taste.

 

[LilMissTragic]

Racing up to the last hurdle, ferret in tow is LilMiss....she takes the corner really well and YES, she crosses the line....shame the ferret went the other way!

Hey nothing wrong with collecting postcards, at least people dont think your a maniac with your collection, When I tell people what I collect they suddenly look very nervous...no idea why. I collect weaponry, mainly Japanese swords but I also collect replicas of rifles and pistols. I also have a crossbow and a very exquisite roman sword. Problem is, its such an expensive hobby!...Maybe I should start collecting sick bags or something exciting like that...lol.

I like my life, I like being me, I'm bloody great at being me...lol

 

[Horatio]

Weaponary collection? Now thats pretty cool.

I find that my collections are rather theraputic, give me something to look at, something to enjoy in the privacy of my room (which I often refer to as "The Museum" because of all the display cabinets)

Sure people dont think Im a maniac for collecting postcards, but they havent seen my militaria collection have they? =p

Horatio

P.S. Japanese Swords are cool! I have an original WW2 Japanese Bayonet, and yikes is it sharp!

 

[Horatio]

worrydoll

there are more regulations concerning bayonets than one realises. for instance I once saw a German bayonet that is now banned by the geneva convention because it has jagged edges that might cause damage to the wound when pulled out..... so its ok to stab people with bayonets, just not hurt them too much in the process...

anyways, extreme sports sounds like a great way to enjoy life! Unfortunately due to my current fitness I might stick to the elevator though.

Horatio