SP: All your life or acquired later
- Thread starter SilentStranger
- Start date
Elad
Banned
I was always a little shy growing up, but It never stopped me having friends and doing things. Everything changed around 4 years ago when I immigrated from England to New Zealand, so I was starting high school in a new country not knowing anyone 
and it didn't help that I had to wait months before actually starting.
The first year was fine, meeting people and hanging out, but after that it was all down hill as my SA started to slowly take a hold of my life.
and it didn't help that I had to wait months before actually starting.The first year was fine, meeting people and hanging out, but after that it was all down hill as my SA started to slowly take a hold of my life.
barakobama
New member
Used to be extrovert, now introvert, late onset social anx.
I was once the class clown in all of my classes, full of energy, constantly thinking of something funny to say and blurting it out (almost as if against my will), and extremely confident (naturally confident, no CBT needed lol). But now, I'm a sufferer of social anxiety disorder. I used to find it hard to believe that as smart as I am, as well as a gifted athlete, a gifted writer (to a point where I can reason out my feelings, and even could do this when I was super extroverted), and a former class clown, that I could have developed social anxiety, but here's some info about my situation. I don't want to go into a long, drawn out story about my life, so I'll just add what I think is important.
Let me tell you before you read this that you will probably say "oh his case seems so mild that a little CBT would help." Keep in mind that I leave a lot of details and symptoms out and that even in depression I have the balls to try to change my situation in life.
What I know now (even before seeing a doctor)...
My problem is not anything that can be cured by CBT, but it is a chemical problem that I developed when I was going through puberty. Therefore, I had three possible causes of the problem...
1) genetically inherited
2) death of my mother in 10th grade
3) smoking weed too much led to some sort of permanent chemical imbalance.
Let me begin by describing how I came to the conclusion that my problem is not just being a confused teen, or daunting regrets for blame of my mother's death (which I don't have), but a chemical problem...
I started developing the problem in 11th grade (which was when I started telling myself to stop being a class clown, to become more serious, that everyone who did that wanted attention and that was a lame thing). Eventually, I learned not to blurt out jokes and to come off as serious in class. By the end of 11th grade, I had no desire to talk to any of my peers, I would look for reasons not to like every person who I met, and I had an overall negative attitude, behavior, and demeanor. In late 11th grade, this was accompanied by depression. I would go home and stay in my bed and have just super negative thoughts about my situation in school and I'd say "holy shit, I'm depressed." But I refused to get help, believing that I would grow out of it and was just a teenager.
12th grade was more of the same, but to an enhanced degree. I now had no friends at school, lost all of my receptive characteristics, and just laid my head on my desk all day. Depression had become a big part of who I was and I had become a completely negative person because of it.
I ended high school in regret. No prom for me, no girlfriend, no friends at the school I attended. I knew why- I developed into an extremely negative person, who didn't laugh anymore, who lost his sense of humor, who looked for reasons to not like people, who lost my natural flare and confidence. But I accepted the mistakes I had made in high school and decided college would be different. I would lose my judgmental attitude, make honest attempts to regain my sense of humor and ability to talk to people (I had developed the SAD brain-fog), and get back to the old extrovert who I was.
College...
The start of college was pretty good. I lost my judgmental attitude completely, almost too much. I went from a judgmental person to a person who accepted everyone and just wanted to be accepted by them. I was the nice guy and tried to have a sense of humor. The sense of humor never came back to me, but my roommate was popular and I came off as the nice guy, so I got to go parties and tried to have a good time.
Still unaware that I was developing SAD, I tried to exert myself in certain situaitons. The first day in a class of 150 we had to write our own eulogy and we were asked who wanted to present. Against my will, I raised my hand and read mine. I was proud of the accomplishment.
As you can see, I was making honest efforts not only to become a nicer person, but to exert myself against my fear of talking and socializing (I was giving myself exposure therapy without me knowing it).
Reading this, I understand that a lot of people can't relate. But let me say that I was still not the same person as I was before and there were obvious signs of anxiety...
----Even though I tried to be the nice guy, I still had "brain fog," an inability to think of what to say when talking to people. I'd be at parties and feelt he negative cognitive thought telling me to socialize, to talk more, and get super nervous and anxious. I'd go to the bathroom and cry and wonder why I couldn't talk.
-----If I was in a room full of people I didn't know in a social setting, especially extroverts, I'd get sweaty, shaky, nervous. I'd get that brain fog and negative cognitive behavior
-----I'd beat myslef up a lot over regrets in high school and embarassing situaitons, even from middle school.
-----I'd get depressed a lot for absolutely no reason at all. Actually, the reason was that I had uncontrollable negative thought and just couldn't stop it. This recognition is what led me to believe that I had a real problem and my research began.
-----I'd constantly question what I say after I say it. This is uncontrollable, even though I know it is irrational.
-----I'd obsess over my appearance. This actually began in the 8th grade and stayed the same to this point. I'd go the the bathroom 10 times a day to fix my hair. Even though I knew it was irrational, I couldn't stop.
-----I'd drink before social situations to remove inhibitions. I started doing this in high school.
So, I found out I had SAD, found out about medications, but refused to go see a doctor. I knew what would happen- we'd talk about the situation, he'd suggest CBT and maybe a medication- but I wasn't ready yet. I wanted to get as far as I could get with my SAD without medicaitons.
So I did just that. I would find out what kind of mentality I needed in social situations. What would I have to tell myself before social situations to get in the right frame of mind and keep the brain fog away?
Long story short, very long story short, after countless attempts and changing my perspective of the problem, the only thing that I could do was tell myself to be positive. To get in a positive frame of mind is the whole goal of CBT. This is because you cannot be unanxious in a social situation no matter what if you have a negative frame of mind.
So before each social setting, I'd do what I could to get in a positive frame of mind. It helped, but the brain fog stayed. The negative thoughts continued, though I'd try to ignore them. I still questioned everyting I said and did. I still felt, well, anxious, and that's all there is to it.
Eventually, my continued awkwardness made me lose all of the friends I made in college.
So now that I know how to get myself in as positive a frame of mind as possible, and had tried everything to start talking again and get rid of my inhibitions and communicative brain-fog, the only other thing to do was take a medication. So I did my research and I go to my GP this week to see if I can get a med to lower my irrational inhibitions and remove my anxiety. Pray for me and wish me luck. I'll keep you posted.
I was once the class clown in all of my classes, full of energy, constantly thinking of something funny to say and blurting it out (almost as if against my will), and extremely confident (naturally confident, no CBT needed lol). But now, I'm a sufferer of social anxiety disorder. I used to find it hard to believe that as smart as I am, as well as a gifted athlete, a gifted writer (to a point where I can reason out my feelings, and even could do this when I was super extroverted), and a former class clown, that I could have developed social anxiety, but here's some info about my situation. I don't want to go into a long, drawn out story about my life, so I'll just add what I think is important.
Let me tell you before you read this that you will probably say "oh his case seems so mild that a little CBT would help." Keep in mind that I leave a lot of details and symptoms out and that even in depression I have the balls to try to change my situation in life.
What I know now (even before seeing a doctor)...
My problem is not anything that can be cured by CBT, but it is a chemical problem that I developed when I was going through puberty. Therefore, I had three possible causes of the problem...
1) genetically inherited
2) death of my mother in 10th grade
3) smoking weed too much led to some sort of permanent chemical imbalance.
Let me begin by describing how I came to the conclusion that my problem is not just being a confused teen, or daunting regrets for blame of my mother's death (which I don't have), but a chemical problem...
I started developing the problem in 11th grade (which was when I started telling myself to stop being a class clown, to become more serious, that everyone who did that wanted attention and that was a lame thing). Eventually, I learned not to blurt out jokes and to come off as serious in class. By the end of 11th grade, I had no desire to talk to any of my peers, I would look for reasons not to like every person who I met, and I had an overall negative attitude, behavior, and demeanor. In late 11th grade, this was accompanied by depression. I would go home and stay in my bed and have just super negative thoughts about my situation in school and I'd say "holy shit, I'm depressed." But I refused to get help, believing that I would grow out of it and was just a teenager.
12th grade was more of the same, but to an enhanced degree. I now had no friends at school, lost all of my receptive characteristics, and just laid my head on my desk all day. Depression had become a big part of who I was and I had become a completely negative person because of it.
I ended high school in regret. No prom for me, no girlfriend, no friends at the school I attended. I knew why- I developed into an extremely negative person, who didn't laugh anymore, who lost his sense of humor, who looked for reasons to not like people, who lost my natural flare and confidence. But I accepted the mistakes I had made in high school and decided college would be different. I would lose my judgmental attitude, make honest attempts to regain my sense of humor and ability to talk to people (I had developed the SAD brain-fog), and get back to the old extrovert who I was.
College...
The start of college was pretty good. I lost my judgmental attitude completely, almost too much. I went from a judgmental person to a person who accepted everyone and just wanted to be accepted by them. I was the nice guy and tried to have a sense of humor. The sense of humor never came back to me, but my roommate was popular and I came off as the nice guy, so I got to go parties and tried to have a good time.
Still unaware that I was developing SAD, I tried to exert myself in certain situaitons. The first day in a class of 150 we had to write our own eulogy and we were asked who wanted to present. Against my will, I raised my hand and read mine. I was proud of the accomplishment.
As you can see, I was making honest efforts not only to become a nicer person, but to exert myself against my fear of talking and socializing (I was giving myself exposure therapy without me knowing it).
Reading this, I understand that a lot of people can't relate. But let me say that I was still not the same person as I was before and there were obvious signs of anxiety...
----Even though I tried to be the nice guy, I still had "brain fog," an inability to think of what to say when talking to people. I'd be at parties and feelt he negative cognitive thought telling me to socialize, to talk more, and get super nervous and anxious. I'd go to the bathroom and cry and wonder why I couldn't talk.
-----If I was in a room full of people I didn't know in a social setting, especially extroverts, I'd get sweaty, shaky, nervous. I'd get that brain fog and negative cognitive behavior
-----I'd beat myslef up a lot over regrets in high school and embarassing situaitons, even from middle school.
-----I'd get depressed a lot for absolutely no reason at all. Actually, the reason was that I had uncontrollable negative thought and just couldn't stop it. This recognition is what led me to believe that I had a real problem and my research began.
-----I'd constantly question what I say after I say it. This is uncontrollable, even though I know it is irrational.
-----I'd obsess over my appearance. This actually began in the 8th grade and stayed the same to this point. I'd go the the bathroom 10 times a day to fix my hair. Even though I knew it was irrational, I couldn't stop.
-----I'd drink before social situations to remove inhibitions. I started doing this in high school.
So, I found out I had SAD, found out about medications, but refused to go see a doctor. I knew what would happen- we'd talk about the situation, he'd suggest CBT and maybe a medication- but I wasn't ready yet. I wanted to get as far as I could get with my SAD without medicaitons.
So I did just that. I would find out what kind of mentality I needed in social situations. What would I have to tell myself before social situations to get in the right frame of mind and keep the brain fog away?
Long story short, very long story short, after countless attempts and changing my perspective of the problem, the only thing that I could do was tell myself to be positive. To get in a positive frame of mind is the whole goal of CBT. This is because you cannot be unanxious in a social situation no matter what if you have a negative frame of mind.
So before each social setting, I'd do what I could to get in a positive frame of mind. It helped, but the brain fog stayed. The negative thoughts continued, though I'd try to ignore them. I still questioned everyting I said and did. I still felt, well, anxious, and that's all there is to it.
Eventually, my continued awkwardness made me lose all of the friends I made in college.
So now that I know how to get myself in as positive a frame of mind as possible, and had tried everything to start talking again and get rid of my inhibitions and communicative brain-fog, the only other thing to do was take a medication. So I did my research and I go to my GP this week to see if I can get a med to lower my irrational inhibitions and remove my anxiety. Pray for me and wish me luck. I'll keep you posted.
sabbath92002
Banned
All my life