SP is ruining my life

[nickii]

Hi everyone. I am reasonably new to this forum. I am a 23 year old girl from Australia. Although I have not been diagnosed with SP, I know in my own heart I have it. I hate conversations - they make me nervous. I dread upcoming events, such as parties, bbq's, having anyone come to my house etc. I don't have panic attacks but I get extremely anxious. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years now and he is a VERY SOCIAL person but I fear I am turning him into a hermit! I hate going out, although I do go out - for his sake. Like last Saturday night, we went to the "burn-outs" - it is like the fast and the furious with all the cars ripping up the rubber on their tyres. I was dreading going but it was actually okay. That is what always happens - I absolutely dread something but once I go it isn't so bad afterall. But if I had my way, I would never go out. I feel as though everyone stares at me, which they don't but that is just how I feel. I can't talk to people properly for fear that I am not talking properly. It is really weird. I wish I was normal. I haven't had a friend for well over 5 years. I don't share anything with anybody, not even my sisters. I have 2 sisters who I have completely cut off not to mention the rest of my family. My existence is so meagre. I love being on my own - is that so strange? Most people can't stand their own company but I could quite happily stay on my own. I see that some of you on here get terrified to answer the phone - make calls etc. I am not too bad although the majority of the time I will let the machine take the call. But I work as a Legal Secretary so I have to answer the phone all day not to mention take calls. But at home it is different. I just get so self-conscious of myself always. I think I have low self-esteem. You know its funny - I'm sitting here telling everyone all about myself and I feel like I am a whinger but this is my life. A life I wish I could change. I would love to be confident but how? I would love to look forward to going out with friends but how? I dread it instead. How do I change? I honestly think I am not compatible with life. My boyfriend doesn't believe I have it - he doesn't understand whatsoever. I think I come across as rude to others and as a snob but believe me I am far from it. If only they knew I am just scared. There is much more I could go on forever but at least I have got some of this off my chest, so to speak. Thanks for listening.

 

[Chilling_Echo]

what does your boyfriend say to you when you bring up how you feel? perhaps you should show him what you've written here? whenever you do go out, just keep telling yourself that your anxiety is something you can't help but you just gotta think to yourself that you know that rationally, nobody is judging you. but most importantly, if you can get your boyfriend to understand, he can be the first step to help you manage. have you seen a specialist about your SP?

 

[GettingThere]

Hi Nickii,
I would endorse Chilling_Echo's comments especially in respect to seeking treatment. Cognitive therapy could make a significant difference and certainly could not do any harm.
I think that you should not be too down on yourself, you are doing very well in holding down a job and conducting a relationship so give yourself some credit. You should find a lot of useful information from treads on this site, I have. There are some other useful sites too including www.socialphobia.org

 

[Anonymous]

I would agree with the other replies.I think you need to seek some treatment.Your first stop should be your GP so as he/she can rule out other causes.You should tell your GP what sort of anxiety you think you may have and explore the treatment options.While meds may help to reduce your anxiety,they can't remove your irational thinking.Only therapy can do this and CBT would seem to be the best approach available to us at the present moment.I know it's hard to talk to people about this and that going to therapy has a huge social stigma in Todays society.But you must weigh up the pros and cons.The pros will far outweigh the cons when seeking help.I found it real hard to go to my GP for help,but it has been the most positive step I've taken to date,he was real supportive and didn't hesitate to seek CBT for me.You ain't alone in your feelings,I have the feeling that I shouldn't go out at night as the people there will be acting negatively towards me,and anyway I'm crap at conversation and most of the time will be silent,but when I get there it usually isn't as bad as I thought.But this doesn't stop me thinking the worst.So I think if CBT can reduce this negative thinking and help me to think in a more rational way,then it will be worth the effort and pain.You seem to really want to get over this,and you have made an important step by posting on here,so take the next step and seek medical advice.You should also look at the positives in your life at the moment,you have a boyfriend and you have a good job.

I also don't have any probs at work,just going out socially.

Best of Luck

 

[Shadow]

I agree with the other posts here. It would be really helpful if you saw someone (either a GP or counsellor, or both.) They can put you on medication, if necessary and refer you to a counsellor or psychologist. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy is extreamly useful, if you're prepared to do the work. It takes time and practise to learn to identify your thoughts but it gets easier as you go alone. Explosure Therapy and Talk Therapy are also very effective. A counsellor or GP can talk to you about those.

A very useful website is www.moodgym.anu.edu.au
It offers a training program to help you deal with anxiety and depression. Its completely free. It helped me.

It's great that you have a boyfriend. He can help you alot if you can talk to him about your struggles and help him understand. I also recommend you reconnect with your family. They can help you alot too.

I only recently sort professional help and it's been an enormous help. I never could have done it by myself.

Good luck.

 

[nickii]

Thanks everyone. I have actually been looking into the idea of joining a SP group in Brisbane. I just haven't phoned up about it as yet (this is going on six months now). I think they meet once or twice per month. It would be great to meet some other people who are going thru what I am going thru and I would love to get professional help but I am too scared to seek same. Also, I worry immensely about what my GP will think! My boyfriend is great but he does find it a little hard to understand. You know, I have been wanting to start up at the gym for over a year now because I would love to tone my tummy but I am - u guessed it - too SCARED! God I'm a scaredy-cat. Maybe tomorrow I should just do it!

 

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone. I have actually been looking into the idea of joining a SP group in Brisbane. I just haven't phoned up about it as yet (this is going on six months now). I think they meet once or twice per month. It would be great to meet some other people who are going thru what I am going thru and I would love to get professional help but I am too scared to seek same. Also, I worry immensely about what my GP will think! My boyfriend is great but he does find it a little hard to understand. You know, I have been wanting to start up at the gym for over a year now because I would love to tone my tummy but I am - u guessed it - too SCARED! God I'm a scaredy-cat. Maybe tomorrow I should just do it!

Hi Nickii , Don't wait any longer,phone the SP group.Remember the people there will have been just like you "will I , won't I go", they will have been just as nervous and scared to take the first step and from this group you will get a clear picture of what help is available and which treatments are helping these people.I have heard great things about the CBT practise that is used by these groups,as it seems to work better with only SP sufferers present.

Don't be afraid of going to your GP, anxiety is pretty common and he/she will not think any less of you,they are also bound to discretion.If you feel you can't go to your regular doctor,then look for one that you don't know,but has a good name.I was real scared to go to my regular GP,so I went to another with a good name,he was most supportive and I have since switched to him.

I remember a sign in my local pub which read "all drinks will be free tomorrow" , but I never got to avail of this cause "TOMORROW NEVER COMES " . So don't wait around, start to live life Today!