Strangest Story You Will Ever Hear

[Anonymous]

Ok, I have a different sort of problem now. Like a lot of SP'ers, I used to totally avoid social situations because they would make me so scared and anxious. After I realized that avoidance was doing me harm, I sort of threw myself into social activities.

Now, I have the opposite problem -- I love having the exposure of being around people and doing the things that scare me, but it's when I am ALONE, now, that I start to have obsessive thoughts and anxiety. I can't stay home alone anymore, I have to always be around people and be in the situations that used to scare me (and still do to a large extent).

I think about my social fears and they disturb me only when I am alone, and I can only forget about them when I am actively engaged with other people.

Have any of you heard of this? I'm hoping that I arrive at a good equilibrium eventually, where I will have an even-keel mindset all the time.

 

[Hope]

I don't find your solution unusual at all. I can't tolerate being at home for long periods either - way too many obsessive thoughts and very negative ruminating begin. In addition, I realize that hiding out only exacerbates the SP. It's very seasonal for me though. In the dark winter months, I'm content to hang around home during evenings and do things like I'm doing right now (as long as I am anticipating something of interest in the near future). I think the worst scenario is to have nothing to anticipate. I recommend every SPer try to keep a daytimer filled up a week ahead. Nothing frightens me more than an empty daytimer.

The situations I expose myself to have to interest me though. If I simply face an arbitrary socially-scary situation, it's usually counterproductive. Simply trying to prove to myself that I can do something (independent of whether or not it might interest me) isn't IMHO a terribly useful tactic.

I have interests involving nature and outdoor activities (e.g. hiking) - and there are plenty of clubs out there for that. My SP takes a back seat to my interest and involvement. Basically it's distraction therapy, if you will. That's not to say it works 100% of the time, but it sure as hell beats sitting at home ruminating, watching cobwebs form, and getting thoroughly depressed.

As you say, reaching an 'equilibrium' (or balance) is important. You can't just be on the run all the time - it's exhausting. It's helpful to have a cellphone, because if you spend little time at home, people tend to give up on you - just my experience.

 

[Anonymous]

ok, just had to come on to say,,,,your not weard at all,,,,just your name...hehe I too am scardecat, just only a bit different way of saying it.......And..........i must say, i get clastrophobia type feelings about being in one place too long. Cant sit still and have to get out. I can be with lots of strangers but put me with people i know and i need to get alone.......think we all got some different stuff goen on. but kinda the same too :wink:

 

[mr-holly]

this is the typical 'popstar-situation'...being on tour, playing in front of a big audience and then later the complete opposite, hanging around alone in your hotel room and not knowing what to do with yourself...

 

[Nital]

Thats sortof how I feel. I hate being stuck in my room with nothing to do but look at the Internet. It happens everyday after classes and it makes me feel like a complete loser. I really want to get out, but the problem is that there is really nothing to do, and I can't seem to make any friends.

 

[Jordan]

Hi Scaredy Cat!

I don't find it strange a bit. I can relate (which doesn't account per se on not being weird!). Haven't you rather chosen a cool title to get attention? You did it well.

Try to see things this way. Your anxiety is something real, that keeps flooding your mind, whatever you are doing, alone or among people.

Now, once you've successfully bottled it during your social activities, it needs to be released, and this happens when you are alone, simply because there is no better chance.

It happens to me as well. While I recognize some solitude as absolutely necessary, I come through dark time frames (much like Hope as described) when obsessive thoughts arise.

Does this mean that I enjoy being around people? Nope! I get a fair share of stress being in some social situations; in others isn't that bad, but I am often on the edge. All times, I adopt the cheerful mode as a default. Tiring. When alone, what has been masked, covered, concealed with great effort, can finally get past my defenses and annoy me - already weakened by the previous stage.

But this is for the best, because this won't affect my reputation and so bear no lasting consequences. It is a thing between me and myself. The least harmful way to handle these floods of bad thoughts and feelings.

They are like dirty, muddy water that must reach a sewer, and will find its way. I cannot stop it. All I can do is to wait, till a new season, will bring clean water. Washing away the mud, and flowing this time to brighten my solitude.

Cheers,
Jordan