hi Jessica....good luck with your presentation...a presentation...yikes :x ...that is something i could never do....ever....that's just one example of something that makes me feel anxious...i dropped out of a Canadian college cause i couldn't even stand the thought of introducing myself at beginning of course....much less socialize, talk in class, work closely with others.....it has really limited my life...a few more things that cause me anxiety and stress....work, getting gas, grocery shopping, driving, talking on the phone, going into the bank 8O , relationships, family gatherings, ..... pretty much most shit people have to deal with on a daily basis.....and the hard part is watching others do these things and not even think twice or stress about it...it's really frustrating :evil: ...so, anyway.....something i would like others to know about us is.....just because we are quiet...avoid certain situations....don't look comfortable socially....doesn't mean we are stupid!!...in fact, most of the people on this site seem to be the most kind, sensitive, intelligent, forgiving people i have ever "met"...and it's hard when most of the world is pretty uneducated about social anxiety...and tend to either make fun of us...or just have no idea what it's like to live with it.
I felt as if I was an alien in the world, a part of me wanting acceptance and another part of me needing to retreat and protect myself . It is very lonely as you find that you are in a low minority of the population. It's a hidden dis-ease since you feel you don't fit in with the majority the patterns of protecting self and avoidance become rewards, and so on. It's a shameful thing, so the shame within breeds more shame. It's often people talk about phobias etc being irrational and they overcome them. With social anxiety because there can be a feedback about your behaviour, or your blushing from others it seems that the fears ARE rational and the world is not a safe place....so avoidance is justified. It gathers so much fear to itself on it's journey through our lives. It is like a cancer invading more and more situations in our lives, eating up self worth with every bite, and taking our time away from us, limiting our choices. It breeds so much bottled up unchannelled emotion that I feel panic attacks and other signs of inbalance started manifesting in me. Anger eruptions, tearful episodes, depression cycling and you can feel like you're going insane. The core of the problem becomes secondary to the symptoms, you live in survival mode. It is very tiring and takes on a life of it's own playing a role so powerful.
