Suicidal thoughts, but not wanting to do it

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MFDunn

Active member
I've been having these thoughts lately.

Some things that keep me from doing it are:

1. my religious belief that people who commit suicide end up going to hell and tortured for all of eternity

2. My family would fall apart and my parents would divorce and become alcoholics

3. My dog and really good friend would have no idea where I went and would be really sad

4. My life experiences would go to waste...including trips to Asia, Europe, Australia...15 countries total

5. People would remember me as "that weird kid that never had a lot of friends that committed suicide"

I'm sure there are others but I've just felt like crap lately and it just seems like I'm getting overwhelmed. I worry that I will never live up to the bars that I have set for myself and I feel like I'm letting down my family and friends. I feel like I will never be able to date a girl that I will feel truly happy with that cares about me and loves me I have OCD (mostly bdd related), social anxiety, and depression. I just quit a long habit of smoking way too much weed just about every day for a few months so that may be a factor as well....(please don't tell me it's not addictive because it is...)

I just graduated college and now I don't know what to do with myself
 
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ImNotMyIllness

Well-known member
To avoid an argument, weed is very addictive to some (I never smoked it). They say about 10% will become addicted. Unfortunately, you're on of them.

Are you in therapy? I also have suicidal tendencies. I go into very severe depressions. You definitely need help. I'm currently taking Venlafaxine and that is mitigating my lows. They're not so severe.
 
Marc7

Marc7

Well-known member
I know how you feel because I get suicidal thoughts when I get scared or anxious of life changes. What is bbd?
 
M

MFDunn

Active member
Yea I am. I haven't been in about 3 weeks though because I'm currently on vacation in Florida. I'm having a great time mostly but I think me gaining weight (I worry about how I look too much) has led to a lot of my negative thinking. And I don't use it too often, but I went on Facebook earlier and I see a bunch of my friends with these pretty girls and having a great time and I wonder what's so wrong with me that I can't have that too?
 
M

MFDunn

Active member
Body dismorphic disorder...it's where your self concept of yourself is whack and you can't see yourself the way you actually are or how others see you. People often give me compliments and tell me I'm good looking but I seriously don't believe them
 
Marc7

Marc7

Well-known member
MFDunn said:
Body dismorphic disorder...it's where your self concept of yourself is whack and you can't see yourself the way you actually are or how others see you. People often give me compliments and tell me I'm good looking but I seriously don't believe them
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Your self concept is wack?
 
M

MFDunn

Active member
Yea. And you constantly worry about how you look and constantly ask others for reassurance...(never my friends but always my parents and sister...to the point where they almost kicked me out of the house)
 
Marc7

Marc7

Well-known member
MFDunn said:
Yea. And you constantly worry about how you look and constantly ask others for reassurance...(never my friends but always my parents and sister...to the point where they almost kicked me out of the house)
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What do you mean by self concept is wack? and oh
 
Kiwong

Kiwong

Well-known member
Wow.....you have travelled a lot. More travel is that something to keep going for? The world is a big wonderful place to explore, there is more to life than status updates on a face book page. I reckon there might be plenty of people who are envious of all the travel you have done.

Things might change for the better, and you'd probably regret not hanging around for that.

I suspect the weed could muck around your thoughts. For me it's too much caffeine, and I don't think all that clearly when I drink too much.
 
M

MFDunn

Active member
Well I'm currently seeing two therapists...one weekly and one once a month and I'm taking this med called risperidone and I guess it's supposed to help people with obsessive thoughts, paranoid tendencies, depression and bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. And it's supposed to help people with agitation too...like I get upset or frustrated with myself and I like take it out on my parents sometimes by yelling at them (not that they deserve it because they don't) or breaking things every once in a great while...(usually I just punch a pillow or something but I graduated from putting several holes in my wall lol)

My therapists didn't diagnose me with bp disorder but with general mood disorder, depression OCD and bdd but she (the once a month therapist who wrote my prescription)for whatever reason didn't think that my bdd was as bad as it is and I always feel like I'm being rushed out of her office like she is constantly in a hurry to see her next patient, even tho many times there isn't anyone else in the waiting room...


And I guess I haven't been totally truthful with my other therapist. It's like really embarrassing for me to talk about but I'm never going to get better if I dont
 
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I

ImNotMyIllness

Well-known member
MFDunn said:
Well I'm currently seeing two therapists...one weekly and one once a month and I'm taking this med called risperidone and I guess it's supposed to help people with obsessive thoughts, paranoid tendencies, depression and bipolar disorder and schizophrenia.

My therapists didn't diagnose me with bp disorder but with general mood disorder, depression OCD and bdd but she (the once a month therapist who wrote my prescription)for whatever reason didn't think that my bdd was as bad as it is and I always feel like I'm being rushed out of her office like she is constantly in a hurry to see her next patient, even tho many times there isn't anyone else in the waiting room...


And I guess I haven't been totally truthful with my other therapist. It's like really embarrassing for me to talk about but I'm never going to get better if I dont
Click to expand...

I wasn't completely open either in the beginning. I even quit once for a while. But now, I'm telling her everything....well, we haven't go to everything yet, there's a lot to go through. But, she does know about me being suicidal. I was honest with her.
.....Next I'll be going into BDD issues and last my OCD.
 
M

MFDunn

Active member
Kiwong said:
Wow.....you have travelled a lot. More travel is that something to keep going for? The world is a big wonderful place to explore, there is more to life than status updates on a face book page. I reckon there might be plenty of people who are envious of all the travel you have done.

Things might change for the better, and you'd probably regret not hanging around for that.
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Yea that's a really good point. I love traveling...thanks for the good advice
 
M

MFDunn

Active member
Oh yea and one other thing I really enjoy is going to the gym and working out and it usually makes me feel really good and it's like a temporary relief from my issues but since I've been on vacation it's been impossible to go to a gym but most days I've been jogging along the beach with my parents so that's something but the last few days I've been resting my knee because it's sore.

I'm planning on testing it out again tomorrow
 
I

ImNotMyIllness

Well-known member
Ugh! I screwed up my knee too, along with a few other body parts. I can't exercise......that is not helping my mood any. Grrrrrrr!
 
Marc7

Marc7

Well-known member
MFDunn said:
Well I'm currently seeing two therapists...one weekly and one once a month and I'm taking this med called risperidone and I guess it's supposed to help people with obsessive thoughts, paranoid tendencies, depression and bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. And it's supposed to help people with agitation too...like I get upset or frustrated with myself and I like take it out on my parents sometimes by yelling at them (not that they deserve it because they don't) or breaking things every once in a great while...(usually I just punch a pillow or something but I graduated from putting several holes in my wall lol)

My therapists didn't diagnose me with bp disorder but with general mood disorder, depression OCD and bdd but she (the once a month therapist who wrote my prescription)for whatever reason didn't think that my bdd was as bad as it is and I always feel like I'm being rushed out of her office like she is constantly in a hurry to see her next patient, even tho many times there isn't anyone else in the waiting room...


And I guess I haven't been totally truthful with my other therapist. It's like really embarrassing for me to talk about but I'm never going to get better if I dont
Click to expand...

You have obsessive thoughts, paranoid tendencies, depression and bipolar disorder and schizophrenia?

I have sad, ocd, gad (my doctor thinks) but not bdd and gmd. Why don't you tell your therapist or psychiatrist that it is really bad?

Yea you should be as truthful as possible when your ready to.
 
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