Sweet Marie's Thread

[Silatuyok]

I am stuck in a love-hate relationship with the internet.
On the one hand, I love the way it makes it possible for people to connect with each other across continents, across language barriers and social barriers.
I love that the internet has created this incredible culture of self-expression. I know people who thought they didn't have a creative bone in their body, and yet they are instagramming, and collaging on pinterest, and uploading videos to youtube and thinking up clever status updates. That, to me, is artistic. Not high art, surely, but a new and more accessible version of modern folk art. I think it's lovely. People are reflecting on the potential beauty and significance of their everyday lives and actions. Even though that is something about the internet and social media that is widely criticized, it's something that most everyone partakes of. Who hasn't posted a picture or a status about what they are having for lunch that day? It's banal, yes, but that is what is so appealing about it. It helps us to learn ourselves and learn about each other on the most intimate, day to day levels. Of course there will be many people who think I'm crazy for saying these things, but that won't change the fact that I see this deep undercurrent of beauty in social media.

I don't think I really need to say a whole lot about why I hate the internet, as I have expounded on that many times previously. The addictions, the disconnectivity, the almost universal preoccupation with digital devices...these are all things that make me want to slip quietly off the grid and get back to a world where we only know what exactly is essential to our daily survival and well-being. The amount of fluff on the internet is abhorring, and I think that we have gotten to this point where we don't even know how to tell what is important to us anymore. I, for one, am getting tired of cat videos. I'm getting tired of buzzfeed "articles" or huffpost lists telling me how to categorize myself and my friends. I'm tired of being mindlessly amused simply for the sake of selling ad space that my conscious mind doesn't even notice anymore. I've never liked feeling manipulated, and I think that is my main beef with the internet. It is also the reason I haven't watched television in years. I really don't like being told how to think: mainly because I know that I am as vulnerable to suggestion as anyone else.

In the end, I feel like the internet should be used, but used wisely. We should all be conscious of how we perceive what is fed to us, and most importantly to realize that we are, in fact, being fed something. I can't tell anyone how the internet is relevant or useful to himself or herself, or what kind of personal experience should be gotten from it. I only know what I value, and I can recognize what my own weaknesses are (which is more than I can say for many people). Frankly, I don't trust much on the internet that purports to be of a factual nature. I hate the commer******m, and I am growing weary of the internet's power of endless amusement. What I do value, above all else, is the opportunity for personal connection. I value the ideas that get tossed around in forums and blogs, and I love seeing people who thought they weren't artistic posting pictures of the sky above them and the food before them. Things that are relevant, to them, in that exact moment. I like that. That, to me, has a great deal of value, and is much more enjoyable than seeing the same meme ideas recycled year after year until we are all just yearning for the next novel thing.
I cherish the internet for the opportunity to share my thoughts, and to know that another person will read this, react, respond, disagree, be enlightened, whatever. I value the chance to ramble on at 6 in the morning when I can't sleep, and know that my ramblings will be out there for other people to see for as long as the grid itself exists. I can't deny the appeal of that. I can't deny the usefulness and value of a tool that allows me to connect, sometimes deeply and in meaningful ways, with others. I just have to be careful in how I choose to use it.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

Excellent post. :thumbup:

 

[SoScared]

I am stuck in a love-hate relationship with the internet.
On the one hand, I love the way it makes it possible for people to connect with each other across continents, across language barriers and social barriers.
I love that the internet has created this incredible culture of self-expression. I know people who thought they didn't have a creative bone in their body, and yet they are instagramming, and collaging on pinterest, and uploading videos to youtube and thinking up clever status updates. That, to me, is artistic. Not high art, surely, but a new and more accessible version of modern folk art. I think it's lovely. People are reflecting on the potential beauty and significance of their everyday lives and actions. Even though that is something about the internet and social media that is widely criticized, it's something that most everyone partakes of. Who hasn't posted a picture or a status about what they are having for lunch that day? It's banal, yes, but that is what is so appealing about it. It helps us to learn ourselves and learn about each other on the most intimate, day to day levels. Of course there will be many people who think I'm crazy for saying these things, but that won't change the fact that I see this deep undercurrent of beauty in social media.

I don't think I really need to say a whole lot about why I hate the internet, as I have expounded on that many times previously. The addictions, the disconnectivity, the almost universal preoccupation with digital devices...these are all things that make me want to slip quietly off the grid and get back to a world where we only know what exactly is essential to our daily survival and well-being. The amount of fluff on the internet is abhorring, and I think that we have gotten to this point where we don't even know how to tell what is important to us anymore. I, for one, am getting tired of cat videos. I'm getting tired of buzzfeed "articles" or huffpost lists telling me how to categorize myself and my friends. I'm tired of being mindlessly amused simply for the sake of selling ad space that my conscious mind doesn't even notice anymore. I've never liked feeling manipulated, and I think that is my main beef with the internet. It is also the reason I haven't watched television in years. I really don't like being told how to think: mainly because I know that I am as vulnerable to suggestion as anyone else.

In the end, I feel like the internet should be used, but used wisely. We should all be conscious of how we perceive what is fed to us, and most importantly to realize that we are, in fact, being fed something. I can't tell anyone how the internet is relevant or useful to himself or herself, or what kind of personal experience should be gotten from it. I only know what I value, and I can recognize what my own weaknesses are (which is more than I can say for many people). Frankly, I don't trust much on the internet that purports to be of a factual nature. I hate the commer******m, and I am growing weary of the internet's power of endless amusement. What I do value, above all else, is the opportunity for personal connection. I value the ideas that get tossed around in forums and blogs, and I love seeing people who thought they weren't artistic posting pictures of the sky above them and the food before them. Things that are relevant, to them, in that exact moment. I like that. That, to me, has a great deal of value, and is much more enjoyable than seeing the same meme ideas recycled year after year until we are all just yearning for the next novel thing.
I cherish the internet for the opportunity to share my thoughts, and to know that another person will read this, react, respond, disagree, be enlightened, whatever. I value the chance to ramble on at 6 in the morning when I can't sleep, and know that my ramblings will be out there for other people to see for as long as the grid itself exists. I can't deny the appeal of that. I can't deny the usefulness and value of a tool that allows me to connect, sometimes deeply and in meaningful ways, with others. I just have to be careful in how I choose to use it.

tl;dr

 

[Silatuyok]

tl;dr

Thank you for illustrating the point.

 

[Silatuyok]

Excellent post. :thumbup:

Thank you.

 

[Opaline]

Excellent post. :thumbup:

Agreed.

Sums up exactly how I feel as well.

I think now that the internet is so ubiquitous, many many people are coming to the same conclusions as you are. They are finding it difficult to balance the usefulness of the thing with the problems that inevitably result from so much information, access, and constant connectivity. The smart ones - like you - will realize where the specific issues lay and what about the internet trips them up, and will work to find a nice balance. I think it will be a constant battle, though, like a pendulum; you start to spend a little more time and suddenly you're hooked, but then when you back off altogether that seems too extreme, so you find your happy medium but it's easy to start allowing yourself to slip again, and you will eventually, so you have to get yourself back on track again and again. Maybe that's just the nature of the beast in this case.

I don't know if you've ever heard of the author Neil Gaiman, but he's a great writer of novels as well as a very interesting blogger. He recently had to take a "hiatus" from social media, too, and was discussing in a post the issues he had with it and the compulsion to always be checking, checking, checking. It affects everyone, but not everyone sees the problem, which you pointed out. It will be interesting (and scary) to see the long-term effects.

 

[Silatuyok]

Agreed.

Sums up exactly how I feel as well.

I think now that the internet is so ubiquitous, many many people are coming to the same conclusions as you are. They are finding it difficult to balance the usefulness of the thing with the problems that inevitably result from so much information, access, and constant connectivity. The smart ones - like you - will realize where the specific issues lay and what about the internet trips them up, and will work to find a nice balance. I think it will be a constant battle, though, like a pendulum; you start to spend a little more time and suddenly you're hooked, but then when you back off altogether that seems too extreme, so you find your happy medium but it's easy to start allowing yourself to slip again, and you will eventually, so you have to get yourself back on track again and again. Maybe that's just the nature of the beast in this case.

I don't know if you've ever heard of the author Neil Gaiman, but he's a great writer of novels as well as a very interesting blogger. He recently had to take a "hiatus" from social media, too, and was discussing in a post the issues he had with it and the compulsion to always be checking, checking, checking. It affects everyone, but not everyone sees the problem, which you pointed out. It will be interesting (and scary) to see the long-term effects.

Likewise agreed. Every time I get fed up with the internet, I come a little closer to figuring out just what to avoid and what to devote my time to in order to feel healthy. And I realize that there will be days when I just sack out in front of the computer and let my eyes glaze over; just like there are days when I stay in bed and eat junk food all day. But that doesn't keep me from getting back into a healthy lifestyle the next day. With time and self-reflection will come balance. I look forward to that.

I have heard of Neil Gaiman, but haven't really read anything of his. I will definitely check it out. It's funny because my coworker just downgraded from a smart phone to an "old school" flip phone, which only does texting and calls. I applauded her, as did many others who said that they wish they could do the same. And to think, in the not distant future, smart phones will be eyeglasses that we wear on our face and don't even have to bother taking them out of our pockets. Oh, the novelty!

 

[Silatuyok]

I'm fascinated by nutrition, but don't really know a whole lot about it. I always have questions about how much of something I need every day, and how much of that thing constitutes what portion of what I need, etc.. It all seemed so complicated until I found this simplified website:

Daily Food Plan

It's perhaps a bit oversimplified in some respects, but is a really amazing tool for getting some of the basics down. It even mapped out how many portions of each food group I need to eat in order to get to a healthy weight.

I love it. Especially because it tells me that I'm doing a pretty good job and just need to make a few minor adjustments to my diet. :thumbup:

 

[Opaline]

I'm fascinated by nutrition, but don't really know a whole lot about it. I always have questions about how much of something I need every day, and how much of that thing constitutes what portion of what I need, etc.. It all seemed so complicated until I found this simplified website:

Daily Food Plan

It's perhaps a bit oversimplified in some respects, but is a really amazing tool for getting some of the basics down. It even mapped out how many portions of each food group I need to eat in order to get to a healthy weight.

I love it. Especially because it tells me that I'm doing a pretty good job and just need to make a few minor adjustments to my diet. :thumbup:

I see that they have a food tracking program as well. I'm assuming it's free. I don't know what theirs is like, but I use Calorie Counter, Calorie Tracker & Food Journal | MyPlate on LIVESTRONG.COM | LIVESTRONG.COM
to track my calories, nutrients, physical activity, and weight, and it's worked really well for me (I've lost 20 pounds with it and find it much easier to make sure I'm eating a balanced diet). Just figured I'd let you know in case you're interested

 

[MikeyC]

I am stuck in a love-hate relationship with the internet.
On the one hand, I love the way it makes it possible for people to connect with each other across continents, across language barriers and social barriers.
I love that the internet has created this incredible culture of self-expression. I know people who thought they didn't have a creative bone in their body, and yet they are instagramming, and collaging on pinterest, and uploading videos to youtube and thinking up clever status updates. That, to me, is artistic. Not high art, surely, but a new and more accessible version of modern folk art. I think it's lovely. People are reflecting on the potential beauty and significance of their everyday lives and actions. Even though that is something about the internet and social media that is widely criticized, it's something that most everyone partakes of. Who hasn't posted a picture or a status about what they are having for lunch that day? It's banal, yes, but that is what is so appealing about it. It helps us to learn ourselves and learn about each other on the most intimate, day to day levels. Of course there will be many people who think I'm crazy for saying these things, but that won't change the fact that I see this deep undercurrent of beauty in social media.

I don't think I really need to say a whole lot about why I hate the internet, as I have expounded on that many times previously. The addictions, the disconnectivity, the almost universal preoccupation with digital devices...these are all things that make me want to slip quietly off the grid and get back to a world where we only know what exactly is essential to our daily survival and well-being. The amount of fluff on the internet is abhorring, and I think that we have gotten to this point where we don't even know how to tell what is important to us anymore. I, for one, am getting tired of cat videos. I'm getting tired of buzzfeed "articles" or huffpost lists telling me how to categorize myself and my friends. I'm tired of being mindlessly amused simply for the sake of selling ad space that my conscious mind doesn't even notice anymore. I've never liked feeling manipulated, and I think that is my main beef with the internet. It is also the reason I haven't watched television in years. I really don't like being told how to think: mainly because I know that I am as vulnerable to suggestion as anyone else.

In the end, I feel like the internet should be used, but used wisely. We should all be conscious of how we perceive what is fed to us, and most importantly to realize that we are, in fact, being fed something. I can't tell anyone how the internet is relevant or useful to himself or herself, or what kind of personal experience should be gotten from it. I only know what I value, and I can recognize what my own weaknesses are (which is more than I can say for many people). Frankly, I don't trust much on the internet that purports to be of a factual nature. I hate the commer******m, and I am growing weary of the internet's power of endless amusement. What I do value, above all else, is the opportunity for personal connection. I value the ideas that get tossed around in forums and blogs, and I love seeing people who thought they weren't artistic posting pictures of the sky above them and the food before them. Things that are relevant, to them, in that exact moment. I like that. That, to me, has a great deal of value, and is much more enjoyable than seeing the same meme ideas recycled year after year until we are all just yearning for the next novel thing.
I cherish the internet for the opportunity to share my thoughts, and to know that another person will read this, react, respond, disagree, be enlightened, whatever. I value the chance to ramble on at 6 in the morning when I can't sleep, and know that my ramblings will be out there for other people to see for as long as the grid itself exists. I can't deny the appeal of that. I can't deny the usefulness and value of a tool that allows me to connect, sometimes deeply and in meaningful ways, with others. I just have to be careful in how I choose to use it.

I think you can replace the word "Internet" with "smartphones" and the point would remain the same. I see where you're coming from with this, though, and striking a balance with the online world and the real world is key to not get too hooked in, but I do understand and appreciate how difficult that can be. It's even more difficult for you in winter time when it's cold and snowing and you want to stay inside.

 

[Silatuyok]

I resisted posting about this here, because it's so personal, but it's been weeks and I can't seem to get over it and I'm hoping someone might be able to give me some objective input...

So, I have posted before about my sister's decision to move 1500 miles away, and how upset I was that she invited my mom to go with her and her husband and no one even thought to tell me until it was all said and done.
I'm over that initial shock and hurt feelings, and I am truly happy for my mother to be moving to a warmer climate where she can retire peacefully and have someone to take care of her.

However, I find that my resentment toward my sister is only deepening with time and the development of the situation. I keep having dreams where I am yelling at her, screaming, attacking her and telling her that I hate her. It's disturbing.
I just can't get past the fact that I completely disagree with her decision to do this. It's not my place to judge her decision, but I can't help it. She is impulsively packing up her life, leaving all of her family, to live this life she thinks is going to be more glamorous and "important." Her new home sits on the Pacific Ocean, has it's own little beach, and costs seven times more than the house she lives in right now.

I just can't even articulate exactly what I am feeling, and why. I keep asking myself, "am I jealous?" Do I feel so angry about this because I envy her opportunity? I hesitate to show my disapproval, because I'm afraid that's what people will think. It certainly would seem that way to any outside observer.
But I really don't think that's it. I love my home, I have no desire to move to the West Coast and live on the beach (crazy, I know), and I certainly have no desire to take on that much debt in order to have a house worthy of other people's envy.

I just can't help thinking that this is all going to come crashing down. She has a habit of jumping headfirst into things, then completely losing interest in a relatively short time. And when the novelty of it all wears off, I certainly don't want my mom to be caught in the middle of whatever unpleasantness ensues.

So yes, I am concerned, for her well-being and others, but that doesn't really explain my anger. It doesn't explain my need to lash out at her in my dreams. Am I angry because she is shrugging off everything that was supposed to be important to her, of which I was a part? Am I angry because I'm disappointed in her? I have always looked up to her, but I just find this decision of hers to be somewhat revolting. Why spend such an ungodly amount of money simply for the pleasure of hearing the ocean outside your bedroom window? Sure, that would be really lovely, but aren't there more reasonable alternatives? Something more moderate? If I had a million dollars to spend, you can bet I wouldn't be spending it all on my own grandiose pleasures. But why do I expect that from her?

Part of it is the fact that she is deliberately stepping up to this higher socioeconomic level that I can't even begin to approach. It's not enough to buy a nice house in her hometown, she has to get as far away from her poor family as she possibly can. Is that why I am so angry? Because I feel insulted? Because I feel like she is belittling my barely middle class (but content) existence?

I also hate that she is laying claim to my mom. Yes, my mom needs someone to take care of her, and I'm thrilled that she doesn't need to worry about getting by any more. But my mother is a lot like a child--she will follow whoever has the best-looking candy. And why shouldn't she want to go be with the one person who is buying her a free life on the beach. But the intense selfishness of both of them just really rubs me the wrong way. Isn't anything outside their bubbles of comfort and amusement important to either of them???

The thing is: this decision of my sister's has no immediate impact on my life, aside from not having to pet-sit for her anymore. There's nothing that I can do to change the decisions that have already been made, so my only choice is to come to terms with what I am feeling and find a way to accept it. Do I feign excitement? Do I pretend to be happy when everyone else is discussing the big move? Do I even dare show any glimpse of disapproval, for fear of being cut out completely? Do I make excuses as to why I can't come to visit her in her big fancy house on the Pacific Ocean? Do I mourn what I see as the loss of a 30-year friendship with someone I used to really respect and look up to? Or do I try to hang on to the threads of whatever we have left in common, which is very little anymore.

I'm being left behind in the squalor of the real world; left to look after the other family members who don't own homes or even have steady sources of income. We are all being left so she can enjoy her fantasy life. The real question is: am I justifiably angry? Or am I just bitter? And how in the hell do I get past this so that I can go on enjoying my simple little life.

 

[Odo]

^I guess I'm in a similar situation with my sister being sort of rich too.

But it's also different because you have a house, a job and someone who loves you. You also have a lot of adorable animals around you, and what's more is your job is actually one of the few where you're doing something wholly positive. You're not exploiting anyone or contributing to a business that is exploiting or polluting or doing anything unsavory, and you seem to love what you're doing. I think you're pretty successful, actually... I would love to be doing something I really believed in. It wouldn't matter how much I had so long as I was supporting myself and doing something I believed in!

I don't really know enough about your family to comment, but if your mom is happy there maybe it's the best thing for her... to be honest, I wish that my sister lived in a tropical paradise because then maybe she would chill out and not be so difficult to be around.

But if your sister thinks that she's more 'important' or condescends, that would definitely irritate me.

I can't really relate to looking after the rest of your family because I've never had to look after anyone and I'm not completely sure why that's your responsibility or why these people can't take care of themselves... but yes, it would seem pretty unfair if your family dynamic means everyone's obligated to each other and you're stuck supporting them even though she could better afford to do so.

 

[Silatuyok]

Thanks for your reply, Odo. I do feel pretty successful in that I love my life and wouldn't trade it for anything. You couldn't pay me a million dollars to move to that house on the ocean! I wouldn't want to leave what I have here. And that's why I think that my feelings have little to do with envy. But I wanted to be completely honest with myself, so I've been exploring that aspect of it as well.

You are right about the family dynamic; I am one of the few who is actually self-sufficient. I fully expect to be taking care of my father some day. I have put my foot down with regards to helping out deadbeat siblings, but I can't possibly turn my back on my own dad, whatever irresponsible decisions he has made in his life. But there is an emotional support that is needed, too, and I feel the burden of that more keenly without her here. I feel like the family is just going to start crumbling apart, though honestly that might not be the worst thing. Maybe some of them will start learning how to take care of themselves.

Anyway, the condescension is definitely an issue, and I feel like this whole house thing is taking it to a huge new level. In fact, I think you may have hit the nail on the head with that suggestion. Yes she acts like she's better than everyone, but what I don't understand is why it bothers me so much. I guess maybe I'm just disillusioned, after thirty years of knowing her and loving her and expecting the greatest things from her. I just don't want to let go of that image of her as my big sister, my closest companion, my guide, and all that. She has built this golden pedestal for herself to stand on, and in doing so she has fallen off the simple one I have had her standing on for all these years. I guess that's more my own fault than hers.

 

[Silatuyok]

I really, really want to get out of the house for a walk right now, but the wind chill is at 0F, and just stepping outside with any skin uncovered is instant torture. The cabin fever is almost worse with this photo project I'm working on. I've gotten tired of taking photos of cats, frosty windows, cats looking out of windows, books, food, snow in the yard, cats sleeping....etc ad nauseam. Even if I were tough enough to go out in this cold, I don't think my camera would last long enough to get a good shot. Hmmmm...there has to be a good solution.

 

[GraybeardGhost]

I really, really want to get out of the house for a walk right now, but the wind chill is at 0F, and just stepping outside with any skin uncovered is instant torture. The cabin fever is almost worse with this photo project I'm working on. I've gotten tired of taking photos of cats, frosty windows, cats looking out of windows, books, food, snow in the yard, cats sleeping....etc ad nauseam. Even if I were tough enough to go out in this cold, I don't think my camera would last long enough to get a good shot. Hmmmm...there has to be a good solution.

How about a photo of a cat sleeping on a bunch of books about food stacked up in the snow in the yard as viewed through a frosty window? You haven't done that yet.

 

[Silatuyok]

How about a photo of a cat sleeping on a bunch of books about food stacked up in the snow in the yard as viewed through a frosty window? You haven't done that yet.

Sounds like a challenge.

 

[MikeyC]

Regarding your sister, Marie: you've looked up to her for so long - decades, even - and now she's making this foolhardy decision and you know it's wrong, but you can't do anything about it. You want to be the one that looks after her this time, not the other way around, but you know you can't.

Or it's simply a case of someone you worshipped doing wrong. People worship celebrities for one reason or another, and when they're caught doing bad things, it throws them off and questions why they liked them in the first place. Perhaps something like that is happening here, too?

In any case, Odo explained it all better, but hopefully you can get past this sort of nagging feeling you have and accept that she's going to be on the beach. And who knows, she may thrive and you'll have an awesome place to visit when you go to the west coast.

 

[Silatuyok]

Regarding your sister, Marie: you've looked up to her for so long - decades, even - and now she's making this foolhardy decision and you know it's wrong, but you can't do anything about it. You want to be the one that looks after her this time, not the other way around, but you know you can't.

Or it's simply a case of someone you worshipped doing wrong. People worship celebrities for one reason or another, and when they're caught doing bad things, it throws them off and questions why they liked them in the first place. Perhaps something like that is happening here, too?

In any case, Odo explained it all better, but hopefully you can get past this sort of nagging feeling you have and accept that she's going to be on the beach. And who knows, she may thrive and you'll have an awesome place to visit when you go to the west coast.

Thanks, Mikey. Yes, I think both of those things you mentioned are a part of it. But it's more than a nagging feeling; every time I think about this my stomach knots up and I just get heartsick. The truth is, I can handle her condescension and excessive consumerism and whatnot, that's just who she is...but why does she have to be that way so far away? I feel left behind, shrugged off, and unimportant. I feel like I am losing my family, which is really all that I have had for most of my life. Family has been so important to me, and now it is all broken apart. If she had bought such an expensive house here in our hometown, I would probably just roll my eyes and secretly be glad that I have such a cool place to hang out. But as it is I am just left feeling abandoned.

Thanks to everyone for your input and helping me work through this. I feel like I have a better grasp on my feelings now than I did a couple of days ago. Hopefully now I am in a better place to accept the situation and move on.

 

[Nanita]

Earlier when I wrote here in your thread I didn´t realize you had written that post about your sister and everything, and I just commented on the snow and not being able to go outside.. But anyway I can relate to what u said about your sister. I also have some issues with my big sister. My issue with my sister pretty much goes like this; she has a husband and 3 kids, a house, friends, and she is mentally healthy, - "and I have nothing" ( I know I have somethings but I just feel empty and miserable compared to her) I visit her but she never visits me. And she and her kids (teenagers) usually don´t even really respond to my invitations to come visit me or to go do something, and I´m like okay wow I give up, I need to stop expecting that she will behave differently. Yup.

 

[MollyBeGood]

I have an older brother who is very wealthy. Has two million dollar homes in fact and and a couple of Italian sports cars. I have never looked up to him or even got along with him for any length of time because of his obvious materialism. Ever since we were little I disliked him so much for it, like 5 yrs old he was idealizing Gucci and all that crap.
Just a a few weeks ago his wife and he finally got an infant baby adopted. My Mom has dropped all her things in her life and all but moved out to be their nanny since they have no idea what they are doing as parents and she actually has been a child care worker for the last 20 yrs.
We have a home in the Midwest where we all grew up that she will most likely sell to be with them and their new baby.
I am not sure how I feel about all of it tbh. Considering she used to tell my other brother and I she would never want to loose her independence to be their nanny..now she is changing her tune since a real flesh and blood baby has been gotten.
Not really the same situation as yours but I do have an older sibling who feels their money can buy anything including my Mom's life. I have come to the conclusion ultimately it's my Mom's decision and what makes her happy is for the best. They are not perfect and have issues with all their fortune which I won't get into but she will be ok as long as she doesn't do anything rash with the house in Ohio.
As far as you having violent dreams towards your sister, not sure what to say there. Maybe she has hurt you in more ways than you are consciously aware...so your subconscious is playing it out for you at night? You don't seem jealous of her, but maybe it's like me and the fact my brother had "bought" my Mom's love that irritates me the most.