Number32
Active member
So my story in short that is driving me nuts. (edit: sorry it didnt turn out that short lol)
I've always been very shy which made it hard for me to make and maintain contact with other people. This caused me to get very lonely and depressed for a time in which I really went to the darkest of life. For a big part I somehow learned to live with it and currently I'm prefectly fine with talking chit-chat to other people. Infact I speak to many strangers during my job. This all goes well cause I never have to talk to these people about my personal things. But I have a very very hard time trusting people when it becomes even slightly personal. I seem to put up massive walls when people tend to become in my comfortzone or are tending to become "friends". At this moment I just jam and I dont even know why. Not even talking about girls! I always rather run away than make the slightest contact with a girl I find even slightly attractive.
Also this is getting better time by time. So about a 1,5 ago I met this girl. It wasn't love at first sight but in some mysterious way we often ended up talking to eachother. This while I'm pretty shy and especially woman freak me out. So after knowing her for about half a year I started to develop feeling for her. Now I've fallen in love many times before and It sounds very stereotype but I know this time its different. For once in my life I've met a girl I liked which in all reality could work out. Most girls I started to like were totally not the type of person I could live with. So about 8 months I (22 years old and never had a gf) had my first date. Nervous as hell (but I guess most people are at any first date) but I managed. I really feel relaxed when I'm with her and that only rarely happens with people. So today we've been dating for over half a year already and have loads of fun everytime and we can talk about all sorts of things. Wow, seems like I finally found a girl on which my socialphobia doesn't have any negative effect...
Wrong. After so many dates (that went pretty good) and even conversasions on personal level (which I normally avoid as hell) I decided it was time for me to tell her I really really like her. But oh dear... there kicks in the shyness again. I have tried to tell her a couple of times already but everytime I just jam. I don't know how to say it. My brain is running at full capicaty but nothing usefull comes out. Last date it was the same story. Perfect timing, we had a dinner at a floating restaurant at sea at sundown. The conversation just turned in a direction it was would totally fit in telling her. The silence arised. I had to say it! Do it! "DOOOO IT" i screamed to myself in my mind but my brain just exploded and again nothing usefull came out. I was so f*cking mad at myself. Finally I've come this far. I overwon so many things. Went to so much deep, black, **** periods. Finally everything seems to work out. I meet this most wonderfull, beautifull, loving, carring girl I could ever inmagine. I took my time to make sure it wasn't just a "fling". And now I'm so so close and it just blocks again. I f*cking hate hate hate it! I dont know its rather ironic or santanic. Its driving me comply nuts! I feel like if I don't do something I'll come to late and I know I could never forgive myself. It took me 22 years to finally meet someone like her. I really can't last another 22 years...
sorry for the not so short story hope you dont mind:
:
I've always been very shy which made it hard for me to make and maintain contact with other people. This caused me to get very lonely and depressed for a time in which I really went to the darkest of life. For a big part I somehow learned to live with it and currently I'm prefectly fine with talking chit-chat to other people. Infact I speak to many strangers during my job. This all goes well cause I never have to talk to these people about my personal things. But I have a very very hard time trusting people when it becomes even slightly personal. I seem to put up massive walls when people tend to become in my comfortzone or are tending to become "friends". At this moment I just jam and I dont even know why. Not even talking about girls! I always rather run away than make the slightest contact with a girl I find even slightly attractive.
Also this is getting better time by time. So about a 1,5 ago I met this girl. It wasn't love at first sight but in some mysterious way we often ended up talking to eachother. This while I'm pretty shy and especially woman freak me out. So after knowing her for about half a year I started to develop feeling for her. Now I've fallen in love many times before and It sounds very stereotype but I know this time its different. For once in my life I've met a girl I liked which in all reality could work out. Most girls I started to like were totally not the type of person I could live with. So about 8 months I (22 years old and never had a gf) had my first date. Nervous as hell (but I guess most people are at any first date) but I managed. I really feel relaxed when I'm with her and that only rarely happens with people. So today we've been dating for over half a year already and have loads of fun everytime and we can talk about all sorts of things. Wow, seems like I finally found a girl on which my socialphobia doesn't have any negative effect...
Wrong. After so many dates (that went pretty good) and even conversasions on personal level (which I normally avoid as hell) I decided it was time for me to tell her I really really like her. But oh dear... there kicks in the shyness again. I have tried to tell her a couple of times already but everytime I just jam. I don't know how to say it. My brain is running at full capicaty but nothing usefull comes out. Last date it was the same story. Perfect timing, we had a dinner at a floating restaurant at sea at sundown. The conversation just turned in a direction it was would totally fit in telling her. The silence arised. I had to say it! Do it! "DOOOO IT" i screamed to myself in my mind but my brain just exploded and again nothing usefull came out. I was so f*cking mad at myself. Finally I've come this far. I overwon so many things. Went to so much deep, black, **** periods. Finally everything seems to work out. I meet this most wonderfull, beautifull, loving, carring girl I could ever inmagine. I took my time to make sure it wasn't just a "fling". And now I'm so so close and it just blocks again. I f*cking hate hate hate it! I dont know its rather ironic or santanic. Its driving me comply nuts! I feel like if I don't do something I'll come to late and I know I could never forgive myself. It took me 22 years to finally meet someone like her. I really can't last another 22 years...
sorry for the not so short story hope you dont mind:
:
