Telling someone about SP

[Toad]

I really hate constantly asking for help, but i searched for an answer to this and didn't really come up with a solution. Anyways, what I was wondering is how should I go about telling my friend I might have SP? I want to let him know so that maybe he can help me go see someone about this since I'm still not positive I have it, and I can't bring myself to see someone on my own. I've tried to sort of hint at it and get my friend to ask me a question, but whenever he asks the question I'm waiting for I freeze and can't tell him the truth. Probably because I'll feel like an idiot if I don't have SP and told him I thought I did, and if I do then I don't really want him seeing me differently...sort of a no win situation. Maybe you could let me know how you told people...might give me an idea. I dunno...any help is appreciated as always.

 

[JoeRandomUser]

Well dude, it sounds to me like you've just gotta pick an option and go with it. Yeah, I know, easier said than done, but I know from personal experience that getting stuck debating the options will get you nowhere. Fast. Think of it as 'analysis paralysis', you'll achieve nothing positive and whip yourself into a frenzy in the process.

Have you told anyone else about your SP? I personally don't think I'm ready to tell my friends, since I don't think it's their business to know; but I have told my family about the problem. I just blurted it out one day, and that was that. ;-)

Maybe you could start by telling your family first, if you haven't done so already.

 

[Vorphalack]

Nobody will never understand your problems, not even your family. Only a person in the same situation as you will understand. That's my experience.

 

[JoeRandomUser]

Nobody will never understand your problems, not even your family. Only a person in the same situation as you will understand. That's my experience.

It depends on what you hope to achieve by telling them. You might not get complete understanding, but personally, I felt better knowing that it was just one less thing to hide.

 

[Danfalc]

Telling him

Toad, to be honest, if you want to tell ur mate, ur gonna have to just come out with it. I think it would be better if you told him. But i also know how difficult it is telling someone about having sa/sp.I havnt even told my family about it, Because i feel ashamed to say i have it.I do however find it a little easier to just say that i have really bad anxiety than to say i have a phobia.If he truley is ur friend he will try and understand.Anyways i wish you luck mate if you do decide to do it.

 

[Chilling__Echo]

yeah, you should just tell him. chances are if he wasn't someone you felt like you could trust, you wouldn't be considering it. he probably is already wondering if something's up since you've been hinting at it. i've told two friends before when the situation deemed it to be necessary and i've not had any bad reactions. just be honest.

 

[maggie]

I haven't told anyone, (except you guys). For me, it's not that I can't find the words, it's that the words won't come out. And plus, I'm afraid once I tell them, they will constantly be looking for the signs of this, and see stuff I am constantly trying to hide. Ridiculous, I know 8O

 

[Toad]

JoeRandomUser - no...haven't told anyone but the people here, it's not that I don't want to tell someone, because I want help and I know I won't be able to get it on my own...cause I know me (unfortunately).
I just don't really feel confortable telling my parents about this mainly because I have to see them to much and I don't know if I could constantly deal with them asking me if I'm ok, which would probably happen. I feel more comfortable telling this friend, cause he's pretty much the only person I'm really close to, but I know he's probably not going to be able to help me and he would probably just tell my parents (don't get me wrong, I should trust him...but he probably cares to much about me and would think this is the right thing to do)...blah i hate this...it's amazing how hard it is to do such a simple thing.

 

[Chilling__Echo]

even if he did tell your parents, it sounds like you need a load off your shoulders!

 

[JoeRandomUser]

Yeah man, I'm hearing you. I know this stuff isn't easy to deal with, and I know that you're having a really tough time deciding whether or not to tell your mate what's going on with you. But that said, I can point out a recurring theme in your post that could well be the root of your problem here. You keep saying stuff like 'X will probably happen and Y will probably happen'.

I feel more comfortable telling this friend, cause he's pretty much the only person I'm really close to, but I know he's probably not going to be able to help me and he would probably just tell my parents (don't get me wrong, I should trust him...but he probably cares to much about me and would think this is the right thing to do)

The reason I noticed is because I so do this myself! I convince myself that what I fear could happen will happen before I even set a cause in motion and end up flaking out as a result...

It's true, man -- if you do tell your friend what's going on, then there is a chance that he could tell your parents about it. But try not to get so caught up in it and turn what could happen into what will happen. If you explain to your buddy just how important this is to you; that he's the first person you've ever told; that it took a lot of trust for you to tell him what you did; and that you'd prefer it if he didn't tell your parents about it, then I think everything will be ok. Think about it this way, for a second: if the situation were reversed, and your friend came to you and opened up in the same way, would you tell his parents if he'd explicitly asked you not to?

I agree with Chilling__Echo here; whether you tell your parents or tell your friend, you sound as though you really need to get this off your chest!

 

[Toad]

As much as I hate it, you are right. Next time I get the opportunity I'll let my friend know...one less thing to worry about I guess.

 

[JoeRandomUser]

That's great, and good luck! I hope everything works out for you. Let us know how it goes. 8)

 

[Toad]

Well i did it..go me...dragged someone into my hell yay. I dunno, didn't really help much since I know he's just going to worry about me now. Although apparently he always thought something was up which shouldnt surprise me, but just kinda makes me think is it really that blatently obvious? Anyways, thanks for all the help...even though in the end ill probably regret this, at least i did something right? (here's to hoping he doesn't come across this site...)

 

[Chilling__Echo]

i know alot of times i get freaked out when every i open up to someone i know, i get this really bad gut feeling of regret wishing i hadn't but now i just try and realize that somethings need to be out, even if it's not about SA. plus, if they know, then dammit, they just know and all i can do now is make the best of it and remember that the world won't come crashing down on me. there was a good reason behind you telling him. kudos to you

 

[JoeRandomUser]

Yeah, I've had that happen too, the "oh, no! what have I done?" phase; that after-the-fact freakout where I get this awful sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach... never ceases to amaze me just some of the similar experiences people post on this board! Whenever it happens now, though, I try to recognise this feeling as an indicator I've done something RIGHT. No shit. It means that I've challenged something; pushed the boudaries. And for a SP sufferer, that's always a good thing!

So, yeah Toad, congrats mate! I think you did the right thing. It takes a lot of courage to open up to people and tell them what you're feeling; the payoff is the sense of relief when you do.