Earthcircle
Well-known member
I have had well over a decade of psychotherapy. If I had to total it all up, I would say it was about 14 years. I don't mean to imply it was all with the same person. There were many therapists and many psychiatrists. I am just tallying up the total amount of time spent with anyone at all. I am 52 years old, and find myself in therapy again, not because I want to be in therapy but because it is the only way I can continue to receive sleep medication (zolpidem).
I am frustrated, because I really don't want to be in therapy. I am not aware of benefiting from it in any way in the past, and don't know how it is going to be any different this time. I have mentioned this to my psychiatrist (who is also my analyst), and he says all I have to do is talk.
That's it. All I have to do is talk.
In the past, I just talked, but I never got anything out of it. People say they learn things in therapy. I never did. But I have to stay in it just to get the zolpidem.
Now it seems to me that one could learn very useful things in therapy, such as how to make conversation, how to make friends, how to be clean, how to be organized, how to be disciplined. But I never learned any of those things in therapy, and I am ashamed that I know so little at this stage in my life. I feel doomed to just keep on talking and learning nothing.
At this point, the usual response is to say that I should discuss this with my therapist. Of course, of course. And I know how therapists respond: they reflect back what I say. There is no point in mentioning it to the therapist, but I will mention it anyway because that is what one is supposed to do in therapy: one talks. And talks, and talks. Eventually, one either loses the means to continue therapy or one dies. And then future generations talk and talk ...
I am frustrated, because I really don't want to be in therapy. I am not aware of benefiting from it in any way in the past, and don't know how it is going to be any different this time. I have mentioned this to my psychiatrist (who is also my analyst), and he says all I have to do is talk.
That's it. All I have to do is talk.
In the past, I just talked, but I never got anything out of it. People say they learn things in therapy. I never did. But I have to stay in it just to get the zolpidem.
Now it seems to me that one could learn very useful things in therapy, such as how to make conversation, how to make friends, how to be clean, how to be organized, how to be disciplined. But I never learned any of those things in therapy, and I am ashamed that I know so little at this stage in my life. I feel doomed to just keep on talking and learning nothing.
At this point, the usual response is to say that I should discuss this with my therapist. Of course, of course. And I know how therapists respond: they reflect back what I say. There is no point in mentioning it to the therapist, but I will mention it anyway because that is what one is supposed to do in therapy: one talks. And talks, and talks. Eventually, one either loses the means to continue therapy or one dies. And then future generations talk and talk ...
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