Anonymous
Well-known member
i can't stand this anymore. The books say in order to move on in your life and improve your self esteem you must forgive your parents for everything. But how can you forgive something that continues every day without apology? My Mum is the only person who can make me feel so bad that i want to stay in my room til i die. She's the person who has caused me the most pain and spoken the most stabbiing words that no mother should ever ever say to a child. I wish so badly that we had a relationship but i know it can never happen. II just get so angry when i'm trying to get better and trying to accept myself and my own mother doesn't really love me for who i am, but what i do. She shows off about me to her friiends but doesnt know me at all. Sometimes i can't tell her things because it's as if she is too immature to take it. I have to protect her from the truth, when it should be the other way around. I want a mother and don't want to have to be hers. I am 17 now and probably wont be able to move out for another two years so i have to put up with her constant distance and lack of interest. i would rather be separated by a million miles than share the same house and have to live with the fact that she can't be my mother. I get so upset and angry when i think about this vicious cycle. She makes me feel as if her behaviour toward me is what i ideserve. as if theh way she is to me is how a mother should be. And teh hopelessness of this is driving me crazy. I love children but i don't think i could have them knowing that i would ultimately become my mother and ruin someone elses life the way she has ruined mine. i know she has not had an easy life either but why did she have children when she was never taught how to love or be loved, fucking up teh lives of her children and any future generation!!!!!!!!