the problem with mother

[Anonymous]

i can't stand this anymore. The books say in order to move on in your life and improve your self esteem you must forgive your parents for everything. But how can you forgive something that continues every day without apology? My Mum is the only person who can make me feel so bad that i want to stay in my room til i die. She's the person who has caused me the most pain and spoken the most stabbiing words that no mother should ever ever say to a child. I wish so badly that we had a relationship but i know it can never happen. II just get so angry when i'm trying to get better and trying to accept myself and my own mother doesn't really love me for who i am, but what i do. She shows off about me to her friiends but doesnt know me at all. Sometimes i can't tell her things because it's as if she is too immature to take it. I have to protect her from the truth, when it should be the other way around. I want a mother and don't want to have to be hers. I am 17 now and probably wont be able to move out for another two years so i have to put up with her constant distance and lack of interest. i would rather be separated by a million miles than share the same house and have to live with the fact that she can't be my mother. I get so upset and angry when i think about this vicious cycle. She makes me feel as if her behaviour toward me is what i ideserve. as if theh way she is to me is how a mother should be. And teh hopelessness of this is driving me crazy. I love children but i don't think i could have them knowing that i would ultimately become my mother and ruin someone elses life the way she has ruined mine. i know she has not had an easy life either but why did she have children when she was never taught how to love or be loved, fucking up teh lives of her children and any future generation!!!!!!!!

 

[Anonymous]

Guy or girl? Overprotective mothers are a SERIOUS problem -- and source of much of what we call "SAD" or "SP." Overprotective mothers train their boys to be thumb suckers, momma's boys, foot fetishists and bed wetters. Who, on a date, don't reach for a girl's body because they worry "what would mommy think?"

The word for you is "INDIVIDUATE." Crawl out from her skirt, cut the umbilical cord, and give the bitch a big one finger salute.

Oppose her and resist her at every turn. Do not accept her evaluations of you, but do the very opposite of what she wants. If she wants you to become an engineer, go into studio art, if she wants you to date a white boy, find yourself a black guy. If she wants you to go to church, then become an atheist. Stick your finger in her eye.

There is a tried and true way that people have learned to become comfortable in their skins, and to lose doubts about who they are... The bridge from insecurity to confidence is called "rebellion." Every teenager does it, except those who, at age 25 get on Paxil for "social phobia."

Let her know that she can't control you, she can't brain wash you, her values aren't yours, and you know better. The more you oppose her, the more she'll realize that she has no control over you, and the more she'll start to let go and give you your space.

Then, perhaps, five years from now, you can love her and be her friend, as one equal adult to another. If you don't assert yourself against her now, you will resent her for the rest of your life. Which is the more loving road for you?

 

[GettingThere]

I had issues with both of my parents when I was younger. Those issues were resolved in time. I believe from reading your post, that your mother probably loves you much more than you think.

It would be a brave move but I reakon that you would benefit greatly by having a real heart-to-heart with her. Perhaps even show her your posting. It would take a lot of guts but I'll bet that you would get a good result from it.

 

[Anonymous]

my parents are way over protective..but the problem is i cant argue with them because in the end they only try to protect me, and i cant show them anyway of not bieng like this.

 

[mole]

I understand where you are coming from. It, in my case anyway, was due to my parents ideals on perfectionism.
My real father, whom my mother divorced and my stepfather, who is also no longer around, are like that. My mother was, to a certain degree, also very much like your own mother. It is their belief system that what I am and stand for is not good enough and it is an attempt of their will to mould and shape into their ideals. It is their will and not ours.
The problem I found was that non-understanding gets in the way. Even if your mother cannot understand she needs at least to accept.
As for protecting your mum from truth don’t bother. The thing is to let and get things out. It is up to her with how she deals with it. She is the grown adult who, by the sounds of things, is constantly passing judgement.
Belittling is the last thing that you need. You need people around you who are going to help keep you strong.
As the post above wrote, really you have to lay everything out for her.
Don’t expect a miracle. Even if she does not accept then at least you have cleared things up on your side which should make you feel allot clearer and stronger about being around her.
When you find yourself being criticised again see if it is warranted. Some criticism is good but some is just callous and cutting and for no real reason. It is at this point that you should outlay your objections. You’re Mother, after a while will realize that you are no longer a kid but a young adult and someone to be reckoned with.

 

[Anonymous]

Hi,

I can relate to you because I have a v poor relationship with my Mother too, only my Mother makes me feel inferior to her. She has always given me love and attention as a smalll child but as I reached my teens her true colours imerged. I won't bore you with the details but maybe you should speak to your Mother, tell her how you really feel??

Don't do what I did and just let it linger on, it doesn't get any better if you bottle it up inside, trust me.

Good Luck

Lou x

 

[Chilling__Echo]

as much as you want to kill her, remember that she's got issues too, everyone does. she may have had the same problems as you do when she was an adolescent. when you can look past all the negative things she does to you, that makes you the mature one and makes the situation better for the both of you. talk to her.

also remember that she (like ever other parent) has never had experience before. you only get one shot at being a parent and the only way you can learn is from experience. unfortunately you get the short end of the stick in that she's your mom. give her the benifit of a doubt that she is trying, even if it seems as though she's failing at whatever she's doing.

 

[Anonymous]

I get so upset and angry when i think about this vicious cycle. quote]

I can relate to you in a great sense orla, what guest is telling you about showing the finger to ur mom every now and then is perhaps the only exit to end the emotional pain. wich in many cases might be worst than physical one. the secret is to break the fucking vicious cycle, obviously u dont work otherwise u would be renting a room somewhere else. get away from your mom for some time and in some years you will be able to talk to her calmly and she will ba also calm because she will not be able to fight with you anymore once you are not there.

I believe matriarchy is the source of ALL humanity problems in the world. but then again don't blame your mother, blame your grandmother for breeding her that way, blame her friends, her economic situation and above all blame her NEUROSIS, blame the beggining of the universe for creating humanity instead of blame her or blame you.

Now, since she won't listen ot won't accept any kind of GUILT, ( i hate the fact that nobody want their respective piece of GUILT, i take my percentage but screw those who don't want any guilt ) she probably won't change. if she's older than 40 she definetely won't change.

NEUROSIS is perhaps one of the most destructive diseases outhere. and the problem is that nobody takes this word seriously.
Imagine a scene where you start with jokes and talking to her and suddenly u bring something that makes her mad, instead of talkign it like u were doing. the scene ends with shouting, screams and cryings, low self asteem, and a Extreme ammount of Anxiety.

i believe your mom has:
NEUROSIS = Anxiety who has gone of control.
NEUROSIS = Emotional Pain

and im afraid she might be sharing some of this anxiety to you, because she couldnn handle it alone. once the neurosis is there, the person is unaware of how much anxiety he/she got, most neurosis attacks end with cryings and feels of guilt. BREAK the CYcle, Find your source of anxiety and get the hell away from it!!! its the only way to quit this anxiety from all of us, not med or therapys will help if we don't break the cycle.

anxiety about money? get money
anxiety about eing embarrased? be who you are and give a shit about anything else.
anxiety about ur mom? get away from her
anxiety about being alone? Get OUT OF UR HOME!

I'm sorry Obviusly im MAD and thats a fact. i hate anxiety, i hate neurosis, but most i hate when i am not guilty of my anxiety at all, don't let ur mom or anybody bring you down. stand for yourself now that u can. BYE

 

[Anonymous]

The bridge from insecurity to confidence is called "rebellion."?

Agree, but i would like to Add sometimes u have to make a rebellion againts you. this is to mean to take the courage to do the actions we are afraid of and still we want to.

i think Anger takes a great role in making things happen
(last reply is mine)