This is really going to sound weird...

[jimminy14]

Okay, this is my first time on this site but I'm completely scared at the moment. I've had problems with anxiety for about 3 years now but things, up until about 5 days ago, had been going quite smoothly and I was seemingly getting over the problem.
Anyway, on Thursday night I went out with these people that I hadn't seen in about 3 months(and I haven't really gone out with them for even longer).
They were people I used to smoke weed with about three years ago.
Anyway, since then I've been so anxious. Unbelievably so, like it's all happening again for the first time.
I think I'm going completely insane. And then, I started getting really nervous about the question 'Do I really want to be happy?'...I know it seems like a really stupid question, but I got really uptight about it.
And then I thought I was completely loosing control. I thought I was going to become a murderer or something...I really did, and I still do.

Please, for the love of god, someone please tell me I'm not going insane or becoming a murderer. These are all just symptoms of anxiety, right?
I've been looking over websites and it says on all of them 'fear of going insane' and 'fear of loosing control' are typical symptoms of anxiety.

Also, when I first started thinking these things I had a full blown panic attack - one of the worst I've ever had. And then after it I felt so good. I was saying to myself 'Of course I'm not going insane! Of course I don't want to be a murderer! Of course I want to be happy!'
But since then my anxiety has been pretty constant. I never have a complete anxiety attack and therefore never have the feeling of relief after it has passed. What's up with that?

And this is my logic - As if a true murderer would be thinking to themselves 'oh no...I'm going to be a murderer!'...they'd just do it or something, right?
Just for the record I never hear any voices in my head telling me to kill anyone or anything else like that.

Please tell me this is just the anxiety caused by seeing the people who were around when I first started having panic attacks.
I don't want to be insane or a murderer!

 

[Chrisfishes]

Hi there, I am no expert but those all seem like anxiety symptoms to me, as I have thought them all myself. For me when I am anxious my constant questioning of how am I feeling or is this ok, drive me nuts. Or they used to, now I see my anxiety as something that for now I don't have a huge amount of control over but hope to soon. And if you can't control it , don't waste your time and energy worrying about it. Good luck.

 

[Crimefish]

You're not going insane or becoming a murderer. Those are just symptoms of anxiety (which can lead to paranoia). People who are going insane think they are becoming more sane, so if you wonder if you're insane, you're not. Unless you have a predisposition, you actually can't go insane.
Welcome to the site, and I hope you can find some help and confort here.

 

[jimminy14]

Thanks for the quick replies!
It is comforting to know that other people have these problems. It is good to know, even for the short periods that I believe it, that I'm not becoming a sociopath or a murderer. That was my main worry.

 

[annie]

Hi jimminy14,

You are not going insane, its just the your anxiety playing games with your mind (irrational thoughts).

Are you see a psychologists for your problem?

Take care

annie

 

[Jackie]

It sounds like you have OCD, dont worry your not going insane. I have OCD and I'v thought the same things as you, scared of killing someone. Your not weird everyone fears that.

 

[jimminy14]

Hmm, this idea of OCD scares me. It has only really happened for one day, where I was scared of hurting someone. And now, it's just the thought that on that day I thought I was going to hurt someone that is scaring me. Know what I mean? It's not the thought of hurting someone, but the thought that I thought about it.

I'm not obsessively neat. The only thing that I can think of that resembles OCD is that I count my steps sometimes and sometimes worry about where my feet are positioned. That's about all really. I don't have any rituals.
What am I supposed to do? Will get over this?
I'm scared out of my wits at the moment, thanks for the replies thus far.