jb1974
New member
...but I cannot cope with it any longer!
Here goes: I have to pick up my 3 year old son from daycare everyday around lunch time. In order to do this I have to wait in the hallway with about 15 other Moms and a few Dads who I do not know for about 5-10 min. THis has gone on for 3 weeks or so. I am finding with each day that passes I am getting more and more anxious and self-conscious about the fact that I am the ONLY one that is not talking to anyone else
Everyone else has their dynamic set up with whom they choose to talk with...I guess I just don't fit it. They all find it a breeze to chat, and I find it excruciating!! I find I cannot make any form of small chat without getting very anxious and my heart races. I cannot look people in the eye very much at all. I feel more and more ridiculous standing there each day on my own, I feel more and more alienated and worthless and like I am a person that is not worthy of conversation/friendship. I feel like I almost cannot deal with this anymore, and I feel pathetic about this as this situation seems so trivial to others. I am at the point where I am thinking of just sitting in my car until the last possible second and then getting my son. THat way although I would look anti-social, at least I wouldn't feel anxious. I cannot even just get up the guts to "interrupt" their conversation and try to become part of it by saying something as I think that at this point after all this time that it would look silly and would merely appear as an irritation to them as they show zero interest in me and so if they had wanted to chat with me they would have done it by now. I couldn't do it anyhow as I am too anxious. It doesn't make sense that I should feel like whatever they have to say in conversation is so much more important than what I would have to offer. I also am also very caring, intelligent and I am told I am attractive, so I don't understand why I feel so low compared to others...
THis has happened on all occasions that I am in group situations. I had to drop out of nursing school second year (although I had the top marks out of 120 people) because I couldn't handle being around people. This happened in HS as well, I had to enter nursing as a mature student because I didn't graduate high school (I never showed up half the time-surprise surprise)
THe sad thing is that I desparately want to have some connections with others in my life and I would like to meet new people or at least just be able to "get by" without feeling so awkward in these situations. I am just so tired of feeling so alone, but cannot seem to change things
Another thing I do not understand is why these other people who find it so easy to talk/chat in new social situations do not think to go out of their way to make an obviously shy/anxious person feel more comfortable and accepted. Like maybe asking us a few open ended questions or something...Why must it be us SP people who have to devise ways to integrate ourselves into conversation??? I guess in the end I am the one to blame for all my own problems, even though I try to smile whenever I can (about 2-3 times per afternoon when their kids are doing something cute etc) to look at least friendly.
Sorry for how long this is....I just need to vent.
Does anyone else feel like this? Does anyone else have any suggestions?
Here goes: I have to pick up my 3 year old son from daycare everyday around lunch time. In order to do this I have to wait in the hallway with about 15 other Moms and a few Dads who I do not know for about 5-10 min. THis has gone on for 3 weeks or so. I am finding with each day that passes I am getting more and more anxious and self-conscious about the fact that I am the ONLY one that is not talking to anyone else
Everyone else has their dynamic set up with whom they choose to talk with...I guess I just don't fit it. They all find it a breeze to chat, and I find it excruciating!! I find I cannot make any form of small chat without getting very anxious and my heart races. I cannot look people in the eye very much at all. I feel more and more ridiculous standing there each day on my own, I feel more and more alienated and worthless and like I am a person that is not worthy of conversation/friendship. I feel like I almost cannot deal with this anymore, and I feel pathetic about this as this situation seems so trivial to others. I am at the point where I am thinking of just sitting in my car until the last possible second and then getting my son. THat way although I would look anti-social, at least I wouldn't feel anxious. I cannot even just get up the guts to "interrupt" their conversation and try to become part of it by saying something as I think that at this point after all this time that it would look silly and would merely appear as an irritation to them as they show zero interest in me and so if they had wanted to chat with me they would have done it by now. I couldn't do it anyhow as I am too anxious. It doesn't make sense that I should feel like whatever they have to say in conversation is so much more important than what I would have to offer. I also am also very caring, intelligent and I am told I am attractive, so I don't understand why I feel so low compared to others...THis has happened on all occasions that I am in group situations. I had to drop out of nursing school second year (although I had the top marks out of 120 people) because I couldn't handle being around people. This happened in HS as well, I had to enter nursing as a mature student because I didn't graduate high school (I never showed up half the time-surprise surprise)
THe sad thing is that I desparately want to have some connections with others in my life and I would like to meet new people or at least just be able to "get by" without feeling so awkward in these situations. I am just so tired of feeling so alone, but cannot seem to change things
Another thing I do not understand is why these other people who find it so easy to talk/chat in new social situations do not think to go out of their way to make an obviously shy/anxious person feel more comfortable and accepted. Like maybe asking us a few open ended questions or something...Why must it be us SP people who have to devise ways to integrate ourselves into conversation??? I guess in the end I am the one to blame for all my own problems, even though I try to smile whenever I can (about 2-3 times per afternoon when their kids are doing something cute etc) to look at least friendly.
Sorry for how long this is....I just need to vent.
Does anyone else feel like this? Does anyone else have any suggestions?
