MissUnderstood
Member
Dear Kindred,
Today was a very bad day. I spent the earlier part of the day trying to get out of an emotionally negative space, possibly brought on by either this new medication I’ve started (Wellbutrin), or the two glasses of wine I had Friday night (long story). My day ended with me having a very sad, heavy heart.
I am so very tired of dealing with relationship problems. For a good portion of my life I have had problems relating to people, in part due to my social anxiety/phobia/shyness/whatever you call it; however, the last year has been especially difficult. I’ve been having problems in my friendships, and I swear to God I’ve been doing my damndest to be a good friend.
It’s one thing to lose friends for…. Other reasons; however, it’s a completely different thing to work your *** off in a relationship, only to be left completely dumbfounded at the circumstances in which you part ways.
I’m sure you’re wondering what exactly happened so I’ll get to it.
A friend of mines (Nadine) and I met up with a group of friends. We’re working on a fundraising event so we met up today to coordinate our various activities, etc. The meeting took place at Nadine’s house, and during the meeting it was rather cold in her house. So I asked if I could use one of her blankets, and this is where it gets interesting. She threw me a look as if I’d asked her for the moon or something, then said “No.” Mind you, this particular friend has a history of unknowingly speaking or acting in ways that are considered aggressive/offensive my many standards… she lacks self-awareness in some ways. So naturally a misunderstanding occurred ensued, where she felt I was being passive aggressive simply because declined my request, when I was genuinely upset at the way she had acted towards me.
Now, we had plans to go to the movie, but I was upset at her so cancelled our plans, telling her that “I had tons of things I still needed to do,” which was true. I still had a lot of stuff to do and had been considering cancelling the movies anyway.
Well, fast forward about half an hour later, and I receive a text from her asking that I call her when I get home. I began to feel a familiar feeling… one that tells me something serious is coming. That feeling was right, for when I got home Nadine had texted me something that COMPLETELY blindsided me.
Apparently, Nadine is upset about my “flirting” with her in front of her friends. She said it made her very uncomfortable. A fact about me, I’m a bisexual female; however, there is no sexual attraction on my part towards Nadine, but I have flirted with her. And I’ve done so with comedic intent ONLY. Whenever I did flirt with her, which could have been no more than 2/3 (and in actuality I can only remember flirting with her once), it was simply as a joke. And I thought that she knew this. I also thought that she understood me and knew enough about me to know where I was coming from. We’ve been friends for 2-3 years now so I expected a certain level of understanding to be present, I guess I can’t expect anything really.
What is so very ironic about this whole thing is that yesterday I found myself thinking how nice it is to have found a friend who 1) understands me, 2) doesn’t think I’m a weirdo, 3) likes to include me on things. This is what hurt the most – realizing that I am still deeply misunderstood, and alone.
More later.
Sincerely,
Miss Understood
Today was a very bad day. I spent the earlier part of the day trying to get out of an emotionally negative space, possibly brought on by either this new medication I’ve started (Wellbutrin), or the two glasses of wine I had Friday night (long story). My day ended with me having a very sad, heavy heart.
I am so very tired of dealing with relationship problems. For a good portion of my life I have had problems relating to people, in part due to my social anxiety/phobia/shyness/whatever you call it; however, the last year has been especially difficult. I’ve been having problems in my friendships, and I swear to God I’ve been doing my damndest to be a good friend.
It’s one thing to lose friends for…. Other reasons; however, it’s a completely different thing to work your *** off in a relationship, only to be left completely dumbfounded at the circumstances in which you part ways.
I’m sure you’re wondering what exactly happened so I’ll get to it.
A friend of mines (Nadine) and I met up with a group of friends. We’re working on a fundraising event so we met up today to coordinate our various activities, etc. The meeting took place at Nadine’s house, and during the meeting it was rather cold in her house. So I asked if I could use one of her blankets, and this is where it gets interesting. She threw me a look as if I’d asked her for the moon or something, then said “No.” Mind you, this particular friend has a history of unknowingly speaking or acting in ways that are considered aggressive/offensive my many standards… she lacks self-awareness in some ways. So naturally a misunderstanding occurred ensued, where she felt I was being passive aggressive simply because declined my request, when I was genuinely upset at the way she had acted towards me.
Now, we had plans to go to the movie, but I was upset at her so cancelled our plans, telling her that “I had tons of things I still needed to do,” which was true. I still had a lot of stuff to do and had been considering cancelling the movies anyway.
Well, fast forward about half an hour later, and I receive a text from her asking that I call her when I get home. I began to feel a familiar feeling… one that tells me something serious is coming. That feeling was right, for when I got home Nadine had texted me something that COMPLETELY blindsided me.
Apparently, Nadine is upset about my “flirting” with her in front of her friends. She said it made her very uncomfortable. A fact about me, I’m a bisexual female; however, there is no sexual attraction on my part towards Nadine, but I have flirted with her. And I’ve done so with comedic intent ONLY. Whenever I did flirt with her, which could have been no more than 2/3 (and in actuality I can only remember flirting with her once), it was simply as a joke. And I thought that she knew this. I also thought that she understood me and knew enough about me to know where I was coming from. We’ve been friends for 2-3 years now so I expected a certain level of understanding to be present, I guess I can’t expect anything really.
What is so very ironic about this whole thing is that yesterday I found myself thinking how nice it is to have found a friend who 1) understands me, 2) doesn’t think I’m a weirdo, 3) likes to include me on things. This is what hurt the most – realizing that I am still deeply misunderstood, and alone.
More later.
Sincerely,
Miss Understood
