Update About my Little Cuz Situation....

S

scottishpacfan

Banned
As i said in an Earlier post about it, I explained about my little cuz, my issues, she's no talking to me etc etc, dinny want to say the same about the same situation.. but something happend today and im TRYING not to let my OCD to start.....

Was talking to a mate(AGAIN) About it and i said i had emailed her mother about my mum's 80th birthday and im orgainsing a surprise type meal for her and i want as many relatives, cousins as i can for a big surprise so as i said i emailed her mother inviting her,her husband AND my little cuz but i have no idea how often her mum checks her emails, very ralrely from what i know...

So my mate said about sending a msg to my cuz to ask her mum to check her emails(i had spoke about this with my mate) and also in the sg to say sorry to my little cuz, Here is the message i sent , and i sent that about 5.30pm uk time and no reply as of yet and my anxiety /ocd is going a bit into overdrive but im fighting it,part of me is like"oh shes no replied, what's going on?? etc Here is the msg, Honest thoughts on this would be GREATLY Appreciated

"" Hi (Her Name), Im getting in touch to ask if you could please tell your mum to check her emails(As im not sure how often she checks them) as i sent her one about my mum's 80th Birthday Next Year as im orgainsing with the help of your grandparents a surprise for her like a meal where all the "clan" can hopefully attend to surprise my mum! Yourself and your mum and dad are invited, It Hopefully will take place on Saturday march 27th 2010(My Mum's Birthday is the 24th and during the week).

So If you could please tell your mum i sent her an email about it, that would be great:).

Look, Another Thing, I've been a arse to you, I Know i have my issues with my paranoia ,anxiety and Obsessive complusive disorder but it shouldnt effect other people,Im Very very sorry if that has been the case. As your 18 and my issues are and prolly have "got" to you and they shouldnt

We're cousins, we shouldnt be falling out, Life's too short.
Hope to hear from you.
(My Real Name)"


Thoughts????
 
LadyWench

LadyWench

Well-known member
Gosh. I wish I had some great advice to give you, but alas, I don't think I do.

If your cousin doesn't reply, try your hardest to not let your OCD and anxiety and stuff get in the way. I think she will come around on her own time. I'm sure she'll get over whatever it is that's bothering her, and you two will make up eventually. It's just a matter of when.

I know this is a lot easier said than done, but try to tell yourself that if she doesn't want to forgive you (for whatever has happened between you two), or get over it, then that's HER problem. It's HER loss and HER mistake. You're doing whatever you can to make things right. That should show her how much you care about her and how much the relationship means to you. If she isn't willing to work things out right now, then that's really her problem because she apparently can't get passed whatever this is. But you sound like a really great person and you want things to be better. You're being the bigger person here.

I wish you all the luck and I hope she does reply to you. There's a chance that she may not check her messages very often either, so try not to assume the worst yet. Again, I know that's really hard, believe me. But if she doesn't respond to you anytime soon, keep in mind that she's still young and I'm sure this will blow over one day.

Sorry this is long and probably unhelpful.
 
Fear of people

Fear of people

Well-known member
scottishpacfan said:
As i said in an Earlier post about it, I explained about my little cuz, my issues, she's no talking to me etc etc, dinny want to say the same about the same situation.. but something happend today and im TRYING not to let my OCD to start.....

Was talking to a mate(AGAIN) About it and i said i had emailed her mother about my mum's 80th birthday and im orgainsing a surprise type meal for her and i want as many relatives, cousins as i can for a big surprise so as i said i emailed her mother inviting her,her husband AND my little cuz but i have no idea how often her mum checks her emails, very ralrely from what i know...

So my mate said about sending a msg to my cuz to ask her mum to check her emails(i had spoke about this with my mate) and also in the sg to say sorry to my little cuz, Here is the message i sent , and i sent that about 5.30pm uk time and no reply as of yet and my anxiety /ocd is going a bit into overdrive but im fighting it,part of me is like"oh shes no replied, what's going on?? etc Here is the msg, Honest thoughts on this would be GREATLY Appreciated

"" Hi (Her Name), Im getting in touch to ask if you could please tell your mum to check her emails(As im not sure how often she checks them) as i sent her one about my mum's 80th Birthday Next Year as im orgainsing with the help of your grandparents a surprise for her like a meal where all the "clan" can hopefully attend to surprise my mum! Yourself and your mum and dad are invited, It Hopefully will take place on Saturday march 27th 2010(My Mum's Birthday is the 24th and during the week).

So If you could please tell your mum i sent her an email about it, that would be great:).

Look, Another Thing, I've been a arse to you, I Know i have my issues with my paranoia ,anxiety and Obsessive complusive disorder but it shouldnt effect other people,Im Very very sorry if that has been the case. As your 18 and my issues are and prolly have "got" to you and they shouldnt

We're cousins, we shouldnt be falling out, Life's too short.
Hope to hear from you.
(My Real Name)"


Thoughts????
Click to expand...
Hi Scottish and I can see how awkward your situation may be, however my advice to you is, keep trying to call your cuz and that is all you can do in this situation and don't let your cuz ruin your party by no means as you have nothing to feel guilty about. By what you have stated, it seems to me as though, that your cuz has the problem not you, so stop worrying and enjoy your special day with other relatives and friends of yours, as it's your cuz who missing out on all the fun anyway by the end of the day.
 
S

scottishpacfan

Banned
Barry1979 said:
Well i really do not know what you and you cousin are in disagrement about but i can see what you mean because i am the same way if i feel i have pissed someone off or upset someone. My anxiety gets carried away too. I really dont know a lot about the situation just what you have typed above but i am always paranoid and worried if i have said or done the wrong thing and when you email or call someone and they do not respond your mind is always thinking the wirst. Like what if i did this....or what if i said that. I would not worry too much about it, maybe your cousin will come around and get back to you or something. I know this may not have helped but who knows!?!?!?!!?
Click to expand...

Barry, Have a read Of This And That Will Explain Everything then see what you think after reading it!

http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/please-help-obsessive-compulsive-personality-disorder-20624/
 
Noca

Noca

Banned
To the OP you should tell us what happened between you and your cousin that makes her hate you.
 
getbornagain

getbornagain

Well-known member
Apologizing is the only thing you can do at this point. Wait for an answer and don't obsess about her reaction, whether it's the one you want or don't want. There's no two ways around it, you have to move forward with your life.
 
LeeAnne

LeeAnne

Active member
I am not sure what your cousin is mad about. The letter is good. As for the anxiety stuff, good on you for planning the party. I'm still working on stuff to try to even get to the stage of wanting to have a party.
 
scarletlee

scarletlee

Well-known member
I think you've done the right thing in writing her this email to say sorry.. this is really all you can do. Try not to worry to much, she may not have even read it yet, but if she has she will know that you want to move on from anything thats happened between you. You should just focus on making it a nice day for your mum, it's up to others to do what they think is right, you have done everything you can, leave the next step to them. I hope it all works out for you :)
 
worrywort

worrywort

Well-known member
hey man, that's a tricky situation. It's difficult for me to comment because I don't know the full story of whats going on between you and your cousin.
If you know the reason why your cousin has fallen out with you and you know it's your fault, then all you can do is apologise and give her time.
If you know the reason, but it's not your fault, then the best thing to do would probably be to talk it out with her and explain your side of the story.
If you know the reason, and it's her fault, then you need to try to forgive her and put the past behind you.
If you don't know the reason, then you can only speculate and that's always dangerous. Personally, in those situations, I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt, and only jump to conclusions if I'm positive that I'm right. Also, you mentioned you suffer from depression and paranoia, so remember this may blur your perception of reality.

erm, there's this expression that I always try to live by, that goes something like, giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back, but you should love them anyway....and it's the same with trust. I think it's better to be the fool that trusted in people too much, than the grouch that doubted everyone.
 
divethruhaze

divethruhaze

Well-known member
The message was ok, can't see anything wrong with it

Since the birthday is in like 5-6 months, maybe she didn't think she needed to reply to the message quickly,
or maybe she doesn't check her mail that often either. I personally don't check my mail everyday.
or she is in a bad mood right now because of some other stuff, and doesn't want to be bothered by anything else and pass the bad mood to others. I sometimes don't reply to people immediately for that reason. I'll wait some time so that i don't pass my frustration to other people in the reply.

If i was you, i would wait a week, then if there is no reply, i would try to phone her or mail her a second time.

sry if i wasn't of much help :S
 
Sinar_Matahari

Sinar_Matahari

Well-known member
What I've gleaned from your message to your cousin is that you are truly sorry for having upset her. Gimme a minute to read your other post so I can accurately assess this situation between you and your cousin.

I can't say much about your cousin because all I know about her is what you have written. I can give you different reasons why she may be behaving the way she is but I can't say for sure. Furthermore, I'm not sure that detailing these reasons would do you good since you have an obvious tendency to worry yourself. Yet, you did ask me for my opinion and I did say that I would give it to you.

Your cousin is 18 years old. She's young and may have other things going on in her life, other worries. I'm not saying that you should not be important to her, of course. If I were you, I would not expect her (or anyone else for that matter) to be patient or understanding about your condition. She may not be able to relate to you and therefore feel awkward as a result or she doesn't know how to help you so she keeps her distance.
She may feel overwhelmed or even annoyed by your behavior or she may just not want to deal with you out of selfish reasons. I realize that you would like for her to be more forward with you. I prefer for people to be direct with me as well but not all people have a direct style of confrontation. You say that your cousin is ignoring you, if that is the case then I don't think she's going about it the right way, but again, she may not be direct or she may not be comfortable talking about her feelings. I've realized that people who are not comfortable verbalizing their feelings tend to become uncomfortable with people who do. I think you should give her some time and some space. She may reach out to you if she ever feels the need to.

Again, everything I've written above are just possibilites. She may just be really busy. Try not to worry yourself, honey. And stop apologizing. You should only have to apologize so many times.
 
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P+G

P+G

Well-known member
Maybe you should leave her be for a while. Let her be mad, upset or whatever. You've tried to tell her that you're honestly sorry for what happened and I think slowly she'll open up again to you. It might take longer for her to reply because you've known each other for so long there may be other issues that bothered her before that now have come back up again. But in the end, if she genuinely likes you too, she'll come around. It'll be awkward and again may take a long time. Your cousin may be feeling nervous too and just unsure of what to do.

Perhaps you could try talking to her about what happened. I think just saying "Are we cool?" may be a bit impersonal from her point of view and kind of leaving things unsolved. Talking may help her understand what your really thinking. Please don't worry too much, I know that's easier said than done.
 
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