Violent Relationships

[Bexi]

This may seem really odd, but im real worried i will end up in a violent relationship, my ex bfs have never been violent, so im not sure why i think this, however, i never get treated well because of my low self esteem and confidence. Am i mad???

 

[black_mamba]

Take a seat on the couch and someone will be along shortly to delve into your sub-conscious and find out why you feel this way...

The only odd thing about it for me is that you seem to think you will be stuck in a relationship like that, if it does happen.

You can always escape. Right?

 

[Bexi]

oh, i knew i was mad

 

[Jack7]

If you ever got violent treatment from a bloke you ought to tell someone.

I dunno, you might be thinking about the worst case scenario in your mind based on people treating you badly because of your low confidence. It's not very fair of blokes to treat you badly because of that but that's just how a lot of blokes are.

 

[thugaveli]

I'd be worried for anyone with SP in a violent relationship because we don't seem to have the assertive to stand our ground, more for the ladies though.

You can be easily manipulated with your / our problems

I wouldn't worry about it though as its not happened and if it did theres plenty of protection out there for you

 

[LittleMissScareAll]

I think it's normal to fear things like that...but I've encountered semi-violent people or people who seem like they could be violent(they haven't actually beat me or anything but I've been scared of them--for good reasons) before.
I wasn't really physically hurt by him, but once I was in a relationship with somebody who threatened me. 8O This was my first boyfriend ever. He seemed so nice when I first met him but then it's like he became a completely different person after a month or 2...a mean, cruel person...after awhile. I hate when people seem to be what they're not. :? I haven't seen him since he threatened me though. He never wanted to see me again, anyway and made that pretty clear.
And once I was stupid and invited somebody from the internet to my house. I'd never met him before...usually I meet people in a public place first but this time I just asked him to my house first, and I was a little scared of him...he acted...inappropriately...and I kept pushing him away but then he'd just start again. And this was the first time we'd ever met. 8O Even though my mom was home too...she was in a different room, but still. :? I'm glad she was here at that time(I never told her what happened though). I would have been alot more scared to be alone with him. He kept trying to hold me down and wouldn't let me move away...not a good feeling at all. So I never saw him again. I guess it was my own fault for not meeting him at a public place first. :?

 

[Bexi]

yea, little miss, its that feeling that ur meet som1 then they'll change into a monster thats scary. That guy u invited over sounds like a loony, glad his behaviour didn't become anymore serious x thats horrible u got threatened too some men suck

 

[MadCat]

Yes Bexi...

<-- this guy sucks too

As for the violent losers they can join me in hell. Not that I believe in a hell but whatever..

And guys are becoming more and more abuse victims to ladies. I mean physical stuff. The truth is it's beengoing on for a very long time but guys are only starting to come out more about it.

A guy with SP will often project his problems through violence.

SP + Bad Anger management + alcohol/drug abuse = voilence in almost all cases.

 

[LittleMissScareAll]

yea, little miss, its that feeling that ur meet som1 then they'll change into a monster thats scary. That guy u invited over sounds like a loony, glad his behaviour didn't become anymore serious x thats horrible u got threatened too some men suck

yeah, that happens with me alot when i meet people...though sometimes not to the extreme of threatening me and stuff, but still, alot of people dont turn out to be who i thought they were. :?
i was glad i wasnt completely alone with that guy though...i got to thinking later that he could have raped me if we'd been the only ones in the house. 8O

 

[LittleMissScareAll]

Its not your fault at all, though it might be nota good idea to invite a stranger to be with you in a room for the first time in general, but maybe this guys in particular would have acted that same way in any other public place, and you would be even more alone than at your place with you parents, so it could have been worse, i dunno. I can't judge anybody else, you could have told ur mother, she wouldn't judge you at all. in any case its ok your fine now. i'd say maybe be with a friend if possible when meting somebody for the first time as in date, a friendly date. otherwise maybe at your home, but havin dinner with your parents so you get to know him before he's in a room, i dunno. just to remark it's not your fault at all, he didn't act proper indeed.

Yeah, I guess he could have still done the same thing even if we were in a public place, depending on where it was...or if he'd seemed great when I met him in public so then I invited him to my house anyway...
I know my mom wouldn't have judged me, but I just didn't want to tell her... I wanted to tell that guy to leave though, but I was afraid of him so I didn't say anything. I was just so glad when he left. I told him I had to get up early the next morning for work(I lied--I didn't have to work. And I hate lying... But I knew if I didn't make up some excuse he'd probably stay until really, really late and I'd just be nervous all night long.)--so I finally got rid of him around midnight.
I dont have any friends(except my mom) but she actually did go with me to meet one guy I met on the internet...we were just friends, but he turned out to be really nice, too. He came and spent the weekend with me once. I sort of lost contact with him, but lately I talk to his brother(who I haven't ever met) occasionally online, and he seems just as nice.

 

[Marin]

I think it's bad by itself that you've been treated badly in the past, that's a form of abuse too. Maybe that's why you're afraid of being in a violent relationship, because maybe you were afraid they'd cross that line? I was in an abusive relationship with someone who was just a friend, it started out just verbal or mental stuff, but every once in awhile he would do things like when angry at me, take out a knife and wave it at me, (once he actually let go of it and it landed in my leg)or just tell me he wished he could hit me. Looking back, I can't believe I actually tolerated that but it didn't start out that way, so to me it's not strange that you are afraid that might happen because they don't usually start out smacking you around, they kind of beat you down in other ways first. Not to say that everyone who is mentally abusive might hit you, but usually from what I understand if they are violent they also treat you badly in other ways.
I'm going to feel like a big geek right now because this is the second post tonight where I've recommended books to people, but one book that is really good for SP people who might get taken advantage of is The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans. It helped me, anyway.

 

[crazyfairyx]

Hey Bexi

having relationships is always gonna be a scary thing to start with, cos you never know if the guy you're starting to date is really as nice as he seems. I think because we have SA it makes it worse because we're already used to being treated badly and it's something we kinda expect.

I've been in violent relationships, and it's not good at all, bad relationships are something people have to accept exist, but they do not have to accept to be in one. Not all relationships are like that, I'm lucky, I'm with a fantastic guy now, because not only do nasty guys exist, nice guys do too

Worry about violent relationships if you ever think you might be getting into one, til then, don't stress it, because if you do you'll take all the fun out of dating, and you won't want to do it anymore

Naomi x

 

[Marin]

Hi Bexi,
I was rambling there in my last post, sorry. What I was trying to say is I think you shouldn't be on your guard all the time or worry about someone doing that to you because unless someone treats you badly in other ways, I think it's unlikely that they'll be violent . You could come up with some boundaries, and promise yourself that if anyone crosses them you'll get yourself out of the relationship.

 

[LittleMissScareAll]

yeh lilmissscareall, i also hate lying :?, but making excuses its sometimes necessary. In any way i don't think you acted wrong or sumethin.
cool to hear you'v met cool people afterwards 8).

yeah I think it's ok to lie or make excuses in certain cases too, and that was a time that it was ok to lie & make up excuses.

 

[Remus]

I was in a violent relationship, on the reciving end of quite a few punches, I also had to stop her beating her kids up, it wasnt pleasant atall, no way would I hit back as thats not in my nature, I used to get clawed kicked or headbutted when it was at its worse (PMT time), once had to stop her beating her son with a kettle and shielded him and took the blow myself, I dont know why I put up with so much, I guess you do sadly when you love someone, I'd never put up with that again and would walk out the door the first sign of trouble, they beg forgiveness but just repeat it again and again.

All her other relationships consisted of men battering her, I guess its all she ever knew but still does not excuse anything, if anyones in a relationship like that now, take my advice, get out and find someone better.