What do we have to lose?

R

Rise Against

Well-known member
The main reason why i am so nervous when i talk to unfamiliar people (mainly females) is because i am afraid of being judged and labeled. So yesterday i was thinking and i realized that i have absolutely nothing to lose. I started conversations with 6 girls on myspace. I got positive responses from all of them and even got a phone number (I didnt even have to ask for it, she just gave it to me and told me to text her lol :D). I guess this is a step in the right direction to overcoming SAD.

My advice is that we have nothing to lose and everything to gain. People already view us as different, awkward and boring. So do we have anything to lose by talking to them? The worst thing that can happen is that they still think we are different, awkward and boring, but the best thing that can happen is friendship. In my opinion the benefits greatly out way the negatives. Most people aren't as mean or judgmental as we perceive them to be; they like to be talked to. I know this is easier said than done... but i did it and you can too ;). Hopefully this will motivate you to go beyond your comfort zone and make new friends.
 
recluse

recluse

Well-known member
My self respect. I have zero self esteem as it is and being rejected would probably make me commit suicide so maybe it's better not to know what girls think of me.
 
no1

no1

Banned
being labelled a creep or a sicko can be very detrimental to one's reputation, if you've got one.
 
M

MadCat

Well-known member
I agree with us people that are suffering from low self esteem and fear or rejection, being turned down can be VERY very hurtful. It can set us back huge miles.
 
Reiji Moritsugu

Reiji Moritsugu

Well-known member
First of all, congratulations for taking that big step!! it is something I wouldn´t be able to do in my current state (since I probably am the worst conversationalist - does this word even exist? - ever) so even more power to you :)

Anyways...if we speak logically then we have pretty much nothing to lose, since most of us who are here have already reached rock bottom; no friends, no social life, no positive thoughts about almost anything. But the thing about these things is that, no matter how much you try to explain them with logic (and believe me, I have tried to do so) they are absolutely irrational.

And therefore some people, myself included, will try to make up any reasoning, as flawed as it can be, in order to counter any thought that may lead to breaking old patterns. I once read something about how the closer we get to changing a belief, the more we feel the old ones as our own brain is trying to protect us against what it sees as a threat.

So it´s not about how much we may actually lose, it´s about how much our fears make us think we can lose. At least that´s how I see it :)
 
no1

no1

Banned
rejection is not just a blow to your self esteem. It can also cause one to believe there is a reason for this rejection ie, others might follow suit and reject you as well, and will not likely help you. Pre-selection.

Only other way is to convince others that you are better than that, and how does one do this? Just because you are unaffected simply means others will start believing in you more than anyone else? That's just wrong to believe, it may even make you look socially un-conscious.

But yea.. I usually don't take rejection too seriously unless it's that a great majority of people reject me.

if that's accepted to be normal and common than it's kind of depressing but at the same time it makes me feel like I'm not the only one.
Of course if it is common, than the "uncommon" folks who don't commonly get rejected are telling me something.
 
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R

Rise Against

Well-known member
no1 said:
being labelled a creep or a sicko can be very detrimental to one's reputation, if you've got one.
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Im not trying to be mean but is that really that much worst than being labeled anti-social, mean, boring, self centered...?

The way i see it is that by isolating ourselves, we really have nothing to gain. But by taking risks we have very little to lose and everything to gain.

I also agree that a rejection could be detrimental to ones confidence/self esteem, but ive gotten to the point where i cant stand living "alone" anymore. I need friends, ive been so depressed and bored because i havent had any friends. Its been almost a year since ive had an in-depth conversation with someone other than my family. I think that confidence boost by making friends and recognizing the progress in my SAD would out way the negatives of a rejection.
 
no1

no1

Banned
Rise Against said:
Im not trying to be mean but is that really that much worst than being labeled anti-social, mean, boring, self centered...?

The way i see it is that by isolating ourselves, we really have nothing to gain. But by taking risks we have very little to lose and everything to gain.

I also agree that a rejection could be detrimental to ones confidence/self esteem, but ive gotten to the point where i cant stand living "alone" anymore. I need friends, ive been so depressed and bored because i havent had any friends. Its been almost a year since ive had an in-depth conversation with someone other than my family. I think that confidence boost by making friends and recognizing the progress in my SAD would out way the negatives of a rejection.
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Don't get me wrong... I too have gotten to the point where I can't stand it, and have taken quite a few risks. unfortunately many of them were not so good risks. And then of course once I take a few risks I feel like closing myself off again until I do again feel like I can't stand it anymore.. and I hate having to wait to that point.

And again, its not like, once I start taking risks, everyone will see the socially developed superior person I am, because I'm not. I am very socially inexperienced and socially immature, and in fact many people feel very bothered by the risks I'm taking.

I at times look mentally retarded, and as if I have absolutely no common sense... because well I don't have much common sense, naturally.
 
Psychedelicious

Psychedelicious

1
Losers

I have got absolutely nothing to lose really. I don't know anyone, so it won't damage what people know or think about me because no one even knows who I am or that I exist. Whatever there is, or was to lose, I have either already lost it or never got it in the first place. I just have no idea what I'm suppose to do to ever gain something.
 
alphaberto

alphaberto

Member
I just mean that I find it easy to chat to someone electronically i.e when I have time to think and am in part separated from a situation. I don't mean to pish on your parade, it's just that from my experience leaving a few messages is very difierent from spending real time with someone in a physical situation.
 
alphaberto

alphaberto

Member
I think that the message you give is a very valid one though. Essentially we have nothing to lose. I suppose often the point is we can't help but feel we have a lot to lose, and that is a major symptom of our mental condition.
 
Billy Nasty

Billy Nasty

Banned
Good post. iam more often in this nothing to lose mode these days and it payed off too. I rather experience something bad than nothing at all. It just makes me stronger in the long run. I took baby steps, my emotions were really ****in with me when i started out.
 
alphaberto

alphaberto

Member
It would be great if you could decide to be in that sort of mood eh? I find myself in it sometimes and have a great day. The problem is I'll wake up the next mornng, go to work, and then find I can't function like I did before. I still feel positive that I felt it at all though, it means it must be within me.
 
R

Rise Against

Well-known member
alphaberto said:
I just mean that I find it easy to chat to someone electronically i.e when I have time to think and am in part separated from a situation. I don't mean to pish on your parade, it's just that from my experience leaving a few messages is very difierent from spending real time with someone in a physical situation.
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I agree, it is a lot different but i have been able to talk to some in person too.
 
Billy Nasty

Billy Nasty

Banned
alphaberto said:
The problem is I'll wake up the next mornng, go to work, and then find I can't function like I did before. I still feel positive that I felt it at all though, it means it must be within me.
Click to expand...

When i had a good day its certain the next day will be a day to forget. Its like a curse, i cant have 2 good days in a row. Never. I know its just a mind thing though. Maybe iam trying to hard the next day or my expectations of repeating it bring me down.
 
SilentType

SilentType

Banned
I actually just came to a realization myself. Think about this... We are judged and preconceived as being "weird" because of our poor social skills. This is simply who we are. Everybody has issues in some areas of their personality. We know that we aren't incapable of holding down jobs and being productive members of society, but that's what negative thinking makes us believe. Unfortunately, social skills are very important in today's society. But that doesn't mean people like us can't live happy, successful lives.

I used to have a problem with the common advice we've all heard: "just be yourself." I've now realized that it isn't as much of a load of bull$hit as I once thought. Being yourself doesn't mean to continue being who you are now, letting negative thoughts invade your mind, ultimately getting you nowhere. Being yourself means to just be who you want to be, do what you want to do, and leave all the worries behind. It makes no difference what anybody else thinks about you, because all you're doing is enjoying life as best as you can. I, for one, am not going to let other people control my life like this any longer.

I'm in the process of getting into a radiology program to become an x-ray tech (taking x-rays). The requirements of even getting considered for the program include a 4 hour job shadowing experience and a 2 hour interview to get acquainted with what radiology technology is all about. The old me would have said, "What? I can't follow someone around for 4 hours while they do their job. What am I going to talk about? What if I annoy them with my quietness? What if they bring up how quiet I am? (you get the picture)." I would have allowed those negative thoughts to stop me from even trying.
However, the new me says, "If this is what I have to do to get the job I want, then I'm going to do it. Whether I get accepted into the program or not, I'm at least going to give myself a chance by attending these required steps of the process. I will not let negative thinking lead to anymore self-fulfilling prophecies."

I don't know if anybody else took anything from this, but it really pumped me up to go to my job-shadow and kick some ass in that interview. No more negative thoughts! No more being my own worst enemy? If people don't like me just because I'm a quiet person, then **** em! I know I have a lot of strengths, and this one weakness is not going to stop me from moving on in my life any longer.


PEACE
 
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