What do you think caused your anxiety?

[Harleyq]

Why are you the way you are today? I would like to hear your stories, and maybe help you purge some negativity, if it'll help.

I think I developed SA because on top of being a naturally shy and emotionally sensitive kid, I had an extremely critical mother. B's were not good enough in school, why couldn't I be more like my better friends, why can't I do this right, how come I always had to use the bathroom when dinner started, why don't I write my 7's the way my step dad does, etc etc.

I think the constant belittling just wore me down to the point where I became afraid of everybody, because I don't want to feel inferior anymore.

And then paired with my mom was school, cause kids are vicious. For example, I'm 21 and I still harbor a bad, vivid memory of one day in daycare when I was 3; I walked into the "library" and all the other little kids were huddled around and the slightly-older leader was talking about me. I still remember her words verbatim - "She never says anything, and she's always really quiet like when you go to talk to her she's just like *makes whispering noises while bending her knees slightly and bobbling her head*" I remember they didn't see me so I turned around really quick to hide in the cubby hole section and I cried by myself and none of the caretakers even looked for me.

 

[cruisin]

I have a theory that it is because I am shy and for as long as I can remember I have felt awkward around people. It certainly didn't help that my family and I moved around a lot when I was a child and I attended 6 different schools and lived in 8 different houses.

There has always been pressure to fit in throughout my life.

 

[spider04]

i think its genetic

 

[cobalt_bluester]

Continually worrying about what people think, being extremely self conscious and also afraid of eye contact a lot of the time.

 

[dooby-duck]

Up until a few weeks ago I would probably of made some theory up but now I believe my anxiety is genetic. I've always been anxious and shy and developed nervous twitches in primary school. These were referred to by family as nervous twitches or habits. Anyway a few weeks ago I decided to google nervous twitch and soon worked out that I had some form of tic disorder. I've never been diagnosed with anything but I now believe it is tourette syndrome. Not the stereotypical case like swearing in public but something more mild. I did a lot of research into this and it did put a lot of the pieces of the jigsaw together. Tourettes is more often than not accompanied by anxiety disorders, OCD, ADD, ADHD and other problems.

 

[rado31]

sum kindova brane fukk, or even (most likely) some manipulative bizznizz (brain fukk gratis)

 

[iamthenra]

Well.. According to the 4 psychologists, and 3 psychiatrists I have seen throughout my adult life... They have ALL blamed my mother, because she beat the living tar out of me when I was little, which started around the age of 5. My mom didn't have an "off" switch, and once she started to hit me, she wouldn't quit until her arm got sore or her weapon broke, which usually was a large handled wooden spoon or sometimes a metal mixing spoon. My father who was a school teacher knew this was going on, and told me to never say anything to anyone about this because she would go to jail and I would never see her again... I remember as a kid, even as I grew up I still try to please her and try to make her happy, even though that is a losing proposition. She wonders why we have never had a very good relationship? Dah? She even told me that her mom told her that she has to "conquer her children"... WTF? Conquer? Uhhhhh how about NO!!! I hate her for it, but I can't "hate" her either... Kind of a bitter sweet relationship I have with her now.

 

[LadyWench]

I'm sure a lot of it is genetics, but I can't be certain. Another factor is my mother. She never beat me or anything, but she's got borderline personality disorder. She's very depressed and paranoid...which I am, too. Growing up with someone that was overly-cautious and pretty much afraid of everything has rubbed off on me. I've worried about things since I was about four years old.

 

[RedRibbons]

Personal life experiences, definitely. The way I grew up. My perceptions. The way I was treated. The way I treated others. Support. Possibly having a genetic pre-disposition to get depressed/anxious.

And.. Last but not least. Potatoes. I blame potatoes.

 

[RedRibbons]

I think it is genetic also. Mine kinda hit me out of know where when i was around 22 if i remember correctly.

Yarp. I was about 18/19ish?! I did enough stupid crap to really draw out the anxiety!

 

[Noca]

Lifetime of abuse/bullying and a little bit of genetics.

 

[cws971]

Iv always been a shy person... ever since I started high school. seems when my SA started..... when I was a young kid I was outgoing. also Im a neatfreak and a prefactioness so that might have sumthin do to with it.

' Every day is a good day. If your above ground "

 

[mitchellb999]

I always remember having it. Being rejected all the time certainly didn't help.

 

[limetree]

It's most likely a combination of nature and nurture. I have an introverted, sensitive personality like my mother and if I wasn't picked on in school for it, I probably wouldn't have such a problem with fearing humiliation/rejection, feelings of inadequacy and being wary of people exploiting my friends (sometimes on their behalf).

 

[neko]

I'm pretty sure it's more likely to happen when it's genetic but also things must have triggered it.

When I was little, I was quite outspoken and I was very intelligent for my age. I was rejected by other kids. I had a few friends but sometimes others played behind my back and got them to dislike me too and tease, call me names and all. They also made up things about me. I never understood why they hated me like that.

When I was 10, I became a woman, had my periods and I was different from others now, inside and out. My parents weren't together, I didn't see my dad often and he took drugs... My mom didn't work, we didn't have much money and she had a fiancé but he was a drug user and abusive to her. She got into a depression and almost killed herself with meds. I found her unconscious and barely breathing.

I started missing school a bit, pretending to be sick. Then at 13 an old perv (who my family knew) put me against a wall and forced kissed me and all over my neck and wanted to give me money so we could go "shopping"... I wasn't stupid so I told my mom about the shopping thing, he backed away, but I held the kissing part in for about 8 months, in which I missed a lot of school. I became very depressed, thought of suicide a lot.

Then it went worse and worse over the years and I've quit school. Tried to go back several times, just to get more bad stuff to happen when I did. Got to see a psychologist that said I was suffering of SA, anxiety, panic attacks and some school phobia (can't remember the term).

All of it contributed to trigger the SA, I know it. I just don't know how to get over the past and some of my fears (like rejection). Btw, sorry for the wall of text.

 

[GraceKelly]

Before I even read the thread and just read the title, I immediately said, "My mother...and the kids at school" It's interesting others are saying the same thing. The thing is, I rarely admit this because who wants to be the whining moron who is always complaining that their parents screwed them up, right? Society has this whole stigma around people who come out with "My parents were assholes" after they are out from under their parents' wings...but it's all true. There are a lot of awful parents out there.

My father died when I was 7, my mother quit talking about him. I was made to feel stupid if I even brought him up. She was in a serious relationship and had some other guy move in 6 months after he died. They both acted like I was a hindrance to their new life together. My mother didn't give a crap about my appearance and didn't teach me to bathe regularly or take care of myself so I looked and smelled awful, which brought me grief from classmates because I lacked what should have been "common" knowledge. Kids in school treated me terribly and subjected me to all kinds of abuses, as you know how kids can be.

I grew up, came into my own, with ZERO self esteem because my mother never said one nice thing to me (honestly, I can't remember her EVER praising me for anything and that's not an over-exaggeration). I started clinging to boyfriends because I was literally love-starved. Unfortunately, I also became attractive as I grew up which garnered unwanted attention and has only contributed to the confusion of who I am.

It definitely all started with my mother's treatment of me, which really began right after my father died. I'm still going out of my way to make her proud of me and to elicit a single compliment from her...to no avail. Some good has come of it all, though - I'm very loving with my own kids. The house might be a wreck, Mom might be an agoraphobic, OCD, panic-having nutcase (haha), but I do love them and make sure they are praised when they do something well. I DO NOT want this cycle to repeat for them.

 

[Liekki]

Like most, I was always shy and I think my parents sheltered me too much; When I started school I was really sensitive and was the "smart kid" of the class. Most other kids were fine with it but this one kid who everyone thought was my best friend started bullying me for it. He kept kicking me and abusing me physically and I didn't know how to defend myself. Many years I remember praying that it would stop, I even prayed for his death.

During these same years, my sister came down with schizophrenia to the point that she became violent. I remember waking up in a middle of the night to screams, I ran to look what had happened - my mother had been sleeping and my sister was sitting on her screaming, she had pushed her fingernails into my mother's head and she was bleeding. My father had a bad heart, and he was having a heart attack as a result of this attack.

My sister's room was above mine, and she would also walk in circles pretty much every night so I couldn't sleep until I moved away from home at 19 years of age.

I think all this is still haunting me, even though for many years I was okay. I feel like I've been slowly falling deeper and deeper...

 

[GraceKelly]

Thank you, by the way, to others sharing their thoughts...Just read your post, too, Neko. I'm so sorry all of you had to endure all of this. It's interesting how it seems most people who have this had a lot of real trauma during their formitive years, isn't it?

 

[slapstick]

Apart from being generally quiet as a kid my father was looked up to by many in our community and church..He was wise, assertive charismatic etc and I was a just a smart kid who loved sports..He used 2 say to me that his wish was 4 me 2 become a lawyer..I couldnt hang out wit friends play sports in school or for clubs join the boyscouts, martial arts all things I attempted and was never allowed 2 do...at about the age of 9 I was abused by an older cousin which lasted for several years..I would jus ly there frozen and wish I could die..wasnt till about 6 months ago when I got over the fact that it wasn't consent but submission to my abuser..cos when ur that age there is no consent..I had that view that boys are hard and that I wasnt effected well clearly it has because it popped out of nowhere when I was about 20...I constantly blame myself for things and feel sympathy 4 people when I odawise should be angry, that is why I feel I am the way I am..Always try 2 please people, easily angered, and excited, emotionally shallow, cautious, pessimistic..and much more.. Buttttttt coping and doing very well compared 2 where I was 4 years ago...

Peace and love...