When I first came here I wanted a Soda-Stream cos I thought it was e-bay. :lol:
Mmmm....no this is a good question but one that's hard to answer because I'm not sure. As much as I like a giggle I came here for a serious reason that I do know. Hey you asked for this!
What I was expecting I wasn't sure but I needed something to change. I still do. I'd tried medication which didn't help and when I was referred to a Mental Health clinic by my GP I was refused treatment because my condition wasn't serious or enduring. I should also mention I have virtually no human contact at all. I have my Mum but talking or seeing her makes me feel like shit. If it was up to me I would cut all ties but I couldn't hurt her like that. I do have a supported housing worker who visits once a week and we talk of football etc. That's it. Unless you count the odd hello to a checkout girl. So human contact was and is an important reason for coming here. Not just to do with SP but I figured other SPs would be easy for me to approach. Maybe some day I'll move on to other sites, other forums which have nothing to do with SP. Until then I'm afraid you are stuck with me :wink:
As for help and advice. No I don't think that was why I came. I was interested in finding a support group where I live but I guess it wasn't as important as just finding another human being to talk to. Funny that my first post was in response to you LMT slagging people off for not replying to a previous post of yours. A warm friendly welcome indeed. :lol:
"What! You didn't come here for help on curing SP!" No. I had all but given up. For ten years I have been fighting myself so I can lead a fulfilling and happy life. I have always, no matter what believed I am a decent person who could go on to a decent career and in time meet someone special and who knows maybe marry, maybe children. Until recently. 2 years at College, 3 years at University, IF, it all went smoothly and then who wants someone in their 30's with a history of mental health problems when they can have some bright young thing. I have been alone for so long, even if an opportunity of a relationship occured who am I kidding. I don't know what the hell I'm doing anymore. I'm too old to go through that embarrassing, clumsy teenage stage again, once was more than enough. Life had simply passed me by. What good would a cure be to me now?
"Don't give up!" Why? I've spent 10 years fighting myself and for what? To sit alone in my flat while I just fade away. 10 years of hopes and dreams crushed over and over again. 10 years of failure, disappointment, misery and loneliness. Theories are all well and good but 10 years of hard proof suggested I should accept my fate and make the best of it.
So I did. Almost. The reason I'm lonely? I need people. I can't change this. No matter what I do, what I tell myself, I need and want people in my life. O.k. so I'll never have a group of mates, or that someone special but something's better than nothing. This was that something.
It was hard as well. The first ten or so posts I made left me feeling deeply humilated. Also where to start? I felt like an outsider and everyone here had their cliques which I dared not interfere with. The next ten I could still barely bring myself to read any replies. Until eventually I am now pretty confident, although I do wonder if people get pissed off with me posting so much. It's progress.
"It's not the real world!". Really? You mean you're not real people? You guys have been interesting, stupid, warming, depressing, annoying and funny. To me that's better than being bored stupid whether I can see your face or not. Isn't it what lies beneath the skin that matters anyway?
You see a strange thing has happened. I've enjoyed reading the philosophical arguments between people because they make me think again whether I agree or not. I've been moved by peoples' personal stories whether good or bad. I've become interested in the ideas on how to overcome SP whether they come across as patronising or not. As for the more comic moments....well they've made me laugh. ALL of these things in one way or another have for a small time made me happier.
Even stranger, since I've started feeling comfy here and got to know a few people, I've become more positive. Simply connecting with a few people even if it is on the internet has given me a taste again for socialising. I want more. I'm not completely alone, and by pushing myself to post more I've gained some positive experiences. Something I haven't had for a long time. Okay so it's not real life but it's a start. I am in a better position now than before I came.
Guess that's what we all want isn't it? In one way or another, what ever our situation we want to leave here in a better position than when we came.
"What it's taken you all this time just to come up with that stupidly bloody obvious statement?". Yeah, it's called progress. :wink:
