1) Popular forum-users usually post very frequently, and can be found in almost every sub-forum, and often write long posts. Or, if not that, they usually post frequently but write very short and witty posts, which (to me) is often pointless banter.. but for whatever reason, it is well-responded to and does confer popularity, over time. May I now specify--this is not about this forum--this is about every forum that ever existed, because these patterns have been observed by me in *all of them* !
2) Popular forum users will usually have colorful profile pages.. many of them will have a picture of themselves there, if not 10-20 available in an album!
3) Similar to point #1, popular forum-users very often will play the forum games religiously
4) Popular forum users will often be found in the "official forum chat" if there is one, or within the Skype group (if there is one).
5) Popular forum users will often band together within a clique, and will tend to condescend to, or simply ignore, anyone that just *one* member of that clique doesn't like.
Now... let me get this out of the way: None of this would bother me if it wasn't happening in the same forums that folks with social difficulties use! And also, in defense of *this* specific forum: I have seen less of this behavior in this place, than I have in most other forums.
But, that is beside the point. The point is to help me--and anyone else who has this problem of "always being the third wheel"--figure out what we are doing wrong, so we start doing something right!
We can start with the 5 points I listed above, and try to understand *what it is exactly* about such things, that somehow magically confers enhanced status within the group.
Personally: I have no interest in any "group dynamics" BS, don't want to put an actual picture of myself in my profile (anonymity anyone?), have zero interest in playing forum games (don't have the need or interest, nothing against those who do!), and most of all I never want to set foot in a chatroom or Skype group (I have been in chatrooms before and if you want to learn about nasty group behavior, go ahead and enter at your own risk!)
I'm, therefore, a bit more aloof and not interested in politics.. but it's an introvert's world online.. so why would my guarded personality seem to downgrade likability, every time?
Doh! I think I hit the wrong button. New here..:blushing:
I've had the experience of "being" popular online.
1) A) was an agoraphobic (I'm recovered), & I lived online & I did post a lot! Spending several hours/day posting on a forum or two or more. Usually health forums at the time. I posted, in an excited manner, happily, engaging with others. I had a lot of energy & didn't have any very real stresses in my life. I kept up with people's posts, so when they'd post a few days, weeks, or month's later, I genuinely KNEW what they were talking about & would acknowledge them. I never let people know about my health background, not until much later when I started to leave my confinements of aggy life. However, by that time, I had friends online. & I tended to attract a lot of other posters that were like me.
Also, I NEVER excluded any one person. I accepted all people, even if they'd only posted once, or never posted at all. **This is HUGE** Upon being new to a forum, I would explore every inch of it. Games, & I made myself a welcome wagon. I paid attention to all comments, all birthdays, & I was living the life that the forum upheld, so I had a ton of my own experiences to share.
2) I did, I had a very colorful profile page, the one place there wasn't much of a background to choose from, but I exaggerated my typing. For Example:
:applause:~~~!!!LEt
uS
GeT Exc
iTED!!!~~~:applause: woot woot!
I had a funky playlist & pictures you could go through. I also really LOVE looking into other people's lives & I would peruse all of the pictures. That was usually the very first thing I would do. This one site had about 6000+ pics, & I spent 2-3 weeks, going through all of them, commenting & liking (ahem..that was B4! it was a thing) It was just something I did. & than I'd hit up the chat on the forum. I wasn't big at the time on being on "real chat" however. Just the forum chat.
Another forum I was a part of at the time, I was able to have my own colorful background, music, sparkly gifs, ect ect. Plus I interacted with everyone on their pages too, by dropping comments & PAYING ATTENTION to them. To the point where we'd have HUGE convo's that moved to PM's & than it would go from there, you know? I would see them post, or they would see me (I was a bit of a excitable person/poster at those times)
A lot of these people they were also on, on a daily basis. I've known a lot of people that lived a life online such as I did. & they had real 3D lives.. I don't know how they did it. They must've felt so alone in their hecticness.
I rarely had any pictures of myself online. I showed myself from time to time, but have a lot of anxiety around that. It was rare that I did so.
3) sometimes
I don't even think the one's that I gained I guess, popularity on, had games to play. Older one's did.
4) Wasn't my thing. The second place I was at, had one, & I tried it out, but the very young crowd hung out in there, & there was nothing going on.
5) It's sad, & it REALLY does matter where you are in your life, & what forums you're a part of.
Here & another forum I've joined in the last couple of years again...I tend not to make myself known. Eventually my post will be lost to hundreds of others. I like to post, have an opinion, & not go back to the thread. & not be remembered... if that makes sense, sometimes I just want to get lost in the crowd.
I guess if popularity is what one if after, than perhaps they're trying to be a part of something that isn't the right fit for them to begin with.
Later when I left those forums, & was beginning other chapters in my life, my anxieties, depression, paranoia, & embarrassments kicked in. (bare with me, I rarely end my thoughts) I made friends, that I added & spoke to off of the forums, I followed them & they followed me on other forums that were the same. Not that they were "followers" per se. I had someone write a poem about me too. People came to my aid when I was down, as I'd come to theirs over the years or months.
It just depends on what you do & how you do it. There's a right time & place for everything too. I find that if someone doesn't have the knowledge, advice, or a genuine sense of involvement than people tend to pick up on it too.
I don't like "cliquey" & I have been a part of those forums too & it is not nice to experience. There are ALWAYS going to be those, maybe that 1 or 2 people that think - that they can belittle you because you have less experience, & that the knowledge you hold are myths because you've not done enough in depth research to know the facts. Those are not nice people, online or off. They struggle with themselves.
I find that when I'm new to a forum, & that person with "17,354" *elite member* & joined in 2006, posts under their name, talks to me like I'm a nitwit in my VERY first post, where they can see I have an interest but it's not theirs & they talk down to me. I tend to get the feeling that, most other people that stick around on a place like that, & post regularly are going to be very similar & I don't care to mingle, & find somewhere else to go.
Okay, I went off, but I had to get that off my chest. I found your post very interesting!
A lot of the forums I've been a part of that were very uplifting & not degrading (depending on the percentage of youth at the time) I've found to be a most positive experience.
