What to talk about on dates...

[lawyerguy]

My first date ever was a disaster. I asked this girl out to see a movie (after months of preparing myself). I was estatic when she said yes. The date started out fine I picked her up at her moms place (this was in high school) but it went downhill from there. I couldn't find anything to say on the way to the movies. She was just sitting there awkwardly in the car while I drove racking my mind to find something interesting to say. Then in the movie theater it got worse. I was just sitting next to her being completely silent and I could tell she was getting more annoyed with me. Well by the end of the movie I think she was completely pissed at me. She made some effort at conversation but I was so nervous I could only muster one word answers. Finally when the movie ended I just blurted out the first thing that came to my mind "do you believe in true love?"...and after I said it I immediatly realized what a cornball thing that was to say. She just looked at me like I was crazy :roll: and I took her back home (again sitting silently in the car) Most of my dates since then have ended up the same way...and that was 9 years ago. My thing is..even IF I muster up the courage to talk to a girl and ask her out..I'm afraid the date will end up turning terribly due to my lack of conversation skills. how do you think of things to say on a date???

 

[Anonymous]

wait, this story happened 9 years ago??
i would say get over that one date as its history now.

you screw it in things to say bcz ur nervous.
shyness = nervousness i suppose. you need to:
1)relax
2)enjoy
3)be funny ( YES, this is the though one i suppose)
4)don't plan the date. let it happen, while remembering ur supposed to be funny, by being funny i mean making ur girl laught at all cost.
5)dont struggle in things to say, sometimes silence is not akward,
(dont say anything that doesnt come out naturally?)
6)touch her if she laughs or invites ya to do so.

sometimes i start shaking in nervousness but i still manage to say things like: i'm sorry i just turned on the motorcycle.. but this doesnt make all girls laugh i guess. in any case i let them know i can't control these movements of my body at all. just enjoy ur date. everybody says stupid things in lots of moments of their lives, and most of the time people dont take it too hard, so don't let this let you down, hope it helps.

 

[GettingThere]

There is a book titled "How To Talk To Anyone" which I haven't read but which has good reviews. You might find it to be a handy read.

 

[Hamble]

The movie theatre and car are horrible places to strike up a conversation with a virtual stranger. For one thing you're not even facing each other which I think is vital to enable you to gage the reaction of what you say, by the other persons facial expresion. I recommend not going to the movies on your next 1st date. You need to be in a relaxed environment where you can sit face to face. Try meeting up in a quiet bar someplace which you know well and feel relaxed in. Have a few drinks. (Not too many) and just relax. And don't pick her up, she has two legs (probably) so she can get a bus / taxi / drive herself.

Tell her you're nervous, lay the cards on the table. Chances are she's likely to take that as a major compliment, or even be relieved because shes feeling the same and is embaressed by it.

Women don't come with instruction manuals I'm afraid. We're just simple genetic matter, who think and feel the same as you do. Its not about pushing the right buttons (personality wise)

Also, the most important thing is to go on a date with someone you have loads in common with and who has the same personality as you. If the date goes wrong, it's because shes not right for you and vice verse. Don't pin all the blame and embarressment on yourself. Split it 50/50.

For the actual conversation part, you can't go wrong with asking her all about herself. But leave the spotlight and thumbscrews at home. Aparently that's taking it too far.

Just give it another go :wink:

 

[tommydog]

ok lawyerboy. the resident pimp will now advise you (thats me) :lol:

1. focusing on improving on things to say on a date, or just having a good date in general .. is not really for you. YOUR situation is your mentally screwed with this sp fuckin thing, and when that improves in general, you will improve in everything .. including dating. simple.

General guidelines for successful date though .. relax, dont try and "think" of anything to say, just say whatever like you would with a mate, this is why you have to relax. Dont work yourself up "omg omg omg im going on a date with this hottie".

nope. "im seeing some chick tonight, if it goes good then great, if it dosnt who cares".

Remember, always keep it light, and lots of joking around, lotsa laughs, and lotsa touchy feely. But like i said, this is what it takes to have a successful date .. but you cant do any of it cause of your anxiety .. so you just focus on improving that and everything will come in to place.

 

[Hype1010]

Just genually show an interest in her.

As in:
- What is she into? Like music, films, books, sport, blah blah blah... compare... tell her the stuff you like. Surely you'll find common ground and stuff to talk about from there.
-Where does she work? does she like job, what does she have to do... you get the picture...
-what does she do in her spare time, pubs, clubs, favourtie restaurants etc... again compare... maybe even suggest going to one with her on another day...

But the most important thing is to genually be interested in what she says!!

Hype1010

(Use at your own risk... My love-life started at 16 before I got bitten by the SA bug a year later... It worked for me in that short short time but you've only got my word for it.)

 

[Anonymous]

Why not talk about the footy?

I've found that if you want to get a girl into bed, talk to her about the latest goings on in the Premiership, discuss the performance of referees, the passive off-side rule and stuff, and before you know it, she'll want to hit the sack. Of course, she'll not be hitting it with you, but at least you got to talk about footy for a while, which is always a good thing.

 

[Yossarian]

Why not talk about the footy?

Depends if she's an Arsenal fan, in which case it might be best to leave it a while.

I don't really have anything to add to what's been said but remember the purpose of a date. You date to find out about each other. It's not some audition where to HAVE to please this woman. You should try and find out if she's the type of person you are looking for. After all it is possible you might not like her.

Maybe try and think of it as having nothing to lose. If it doesn't work out you haven't lost anything. It should be a positive thing, two people coming together with the possibility of friendship or something more.

Not that I know whatI'm talking about :lol: