I was an atheist since a very early age.
Yes, the old cliché: "If my life is so hard how can God exist?"
Suicide was a common thought, almost an objective, just a question of time to do...
I used to be cold with other humans and arrogant. My dad started to say to me that I was a bad cold person.
And few years passed and I started to listen some music from a band called "Soulfly" that have very impressive songs (for me) about endurance, strengh, fighting fears, faith in God, feeling hate, angry, desperation, and I somehow started to want to be more than a materialistic "new age" kind of person.
Words like hope, strengh, peace and nature became much more important in my life. I realized I didn't want life to be just about studying, working, eating, sleeping, sex and death. My miserable depressive life would not be worth fighting for if life is just about that.
People that say they can leave alone and don't need no one, and just need to be rich and powerful to be happy will never be happy. We, social phobics, know that, don't we?
And I started to seek stories about suffering at the bible, a member here called "worrywot" wrote to me to read about the "Ecclesiastes" book of the bible. And I read and that had a huge impact in my life.
And suddenly I was not an atheist anymore, because if I was an atheist my life would be just a blank failed life without a purpose!
A meaningless existence is what I don't want for me. That would be very hard to understand. "This guys life is a nightmare and he just keep living, doesn't he know that his life is a silly joke and all Universe exist for nothing?"
That would be a cruely. And I can't believe that. I simply can't.
If God does not exist and our lives are just so important as the lives of flies, I see no reason why enduring so much pain. We would be just a joke in this case. And I see no reason not to do mass suicides.
But if life is about persistence, hope, love, dreams, defeating the evil, seeking freedom and peace, I assume life is worth living. And the only way, for me, to keep waking up and fighting my demons every day is to believing at this last option.
What's the purpose of keep fighting depression and social phobia in a world without a purpose and meaning for you?
Yes, the old cliché: "If my life is so hard how can God exist?"
Suicide was a common thought, almost an objective, just a question of time to do...
I used to be cold with other humans and arrogant. My dad started to say to me that I was a bad cold person.
And few years passed and I started to listen some music from a band called "Soulfly" that have very impressive songs (for me) about endurance, strengh, fighting fears, faith in God, feeling hate, angry, desperation, and I somehow started to want to be more than a materialistic "new age" kind of person.
Words like hope, strengh, peace and nature became much more important in my life. I realized I didn't want life to be just about studying, working, eating, sleeping, sex and death. My miserable depressive life would not be worth fighting for if life is just about that.
People that say they can leave alone and don't need no one, and just need to be rich and powerful to be happy will never be happy. We, social phobics, know that, don't we?
And I started to seek stories about suffering at the bible, a member here called "worrywot" wrote to me to read about the "Ecclesiastes" book of the bible. And I read and that had a huge impact in my life.
And suddenly I was not an atheist anymore, because if I was an atheist my life would be just a blank failed life without a purpose!
A meaningless existence is what I don't want for me. That would be very hard to understand. "This guys life is a nightmare and he just keep living, doesn't he know that his life is a silly joke and all Universe exist for nothing?"
That would be a cruely. And I can't believe that. I simply can't.
If God does not exist and our lives are just so important as the lives of flies, I see no reason why enduring so much pain. We would be just a joke in this case. And I see no reason not to do mass suicides.
But if life is about persistence, hope, love, dreams, defeating the evil, seeking freedom and peace, I assume life is worth living. And the only way, for me, to keep waking up and fighting my demons every day is to believing at this last option.
What's the purpose of keep fighting depression and social phobia in a world without a purpose and meaning for you?
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