worrywort
Well-known member
What do you think it is that makes you feel bad about your social difficulties? Is it the loneliness, or is there guilt involved?
I know that sounds like a bleak question but I think it could be a potentially encouraging distinction to make because I think for me I've noticed that the guilt is the real reason why I sometimes struggle. For example, if I think of myself as an artist who has a mission, and part of the job of being an artist is to isolate myself and to make sacrifices to my social life so that I can master my art, suddenly my lack of a social life makes sense. It becomes a noble choice; my cross to bear; and I don't feel guilty about it. In fact I feel slightly proud. And when loneliness strikes I can see it through this lens and deep down I don't feel so bad about it.
But on the other hand, sometimes when I isolate myself and I reject invitations and keep my distance from other people, sometimes I feel rude and I feel like I have a bad attitude and I am the one who is responsible for it. When the whole world is out socializing, and it's constantly drummed into you that life is all about love and relationships, it's hard not to feel like I've missed something, that I've failed somehow, that I'm a bad person. And it's when I have thoughts like these that my loneliness feels so much worse because it's mixed with guilt.
So does anyone find that this distinction rings true with them? How do you frame your situation? What stories or justifications do you tell yourself to make yourself feel better? How can we lessen the feelings of guilt and see our loneliness in a more dignified light?
I know that sounds like a bleak question but I think it could be a potentially encouraging distinction to make because I think for me I've noticed that the guilt is the real reason why I sometimes struggle. For example, if I think of myself as an artist who has a mission, and part of the job of being an artist is to isolate myself and to make sacrifices to my social life so that I can master my art, suddenly my lack of a social life makes sense. It becomes a noble choice; my cross to bear; and I don't feel guilty about it. In fact I feel slightly proud. And when loneliness strikes I can see it through this lens and deep down I don't feel so bad about it.
But on the other hand, sometimes when I isolate myself and I reject invitations and keep my distance from other people, sometimes I feel rude and I feel like I have a bad attitude and I am the one who is responsible for it. When the whole world is out socializing, and it's constantly drummed into you that life is all about love and relationships, it's hard not to feel like I've missed something, that I've failed somehow, that I'm a bad person. And it's when I have thoughts like these that my loneliness feels so much worse because it's mixed with guilt.
So does anyone find that this distinction rings true with them? How do you frame your situation? What stories or justifications do you tell yourself to make yourself feel better? How can we lessen the feelings of guilt and see our loneliness in a more dignified light?
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