what's wrong with me..

[lonelee1]

I'm so shy around everyone. Family members, friends. I mostly only use technology to communicate. Im a nice person. But sometimes i'm so inside my head I don't even understand or listen to what others are saying. I dunno how I'd even begin to talk to someone romantically, in real life. I met someone online who I thought was so great. A guitarist who showed interest in me, we talkrd for a year
now I dunno what happened. I guess he just liked me because I idealized him so much. I feel alone, scared. Just thoughts, i'm glad I found this website.

 

[vitalis]

A lot of people here will understand perfectly how you feel. Love is a crucial aspect of life, and being extreme-shy people like us with few experiences we miss it a lot. I used to feel almost identically as you describe, until something quite similar than you happened. An online relationship I had with a girl ceased when we were just about to meet in person, and I felt absolutely abated. But after the initial depression period, I made up my mind and I started to changed the way I approached this problem.

I think we're wrong in thinking that an external love may come to our rescue and help us in overcoming our fears and shyness. It may have happened to a few lucky people, but I think it's not the ideal situation. How can we intend to give (and hence receive) love to/from another person when we're so unsure about ourselves?

So I'd tell you please keep being nice, never fall in bitterness, find ways to interact with others, don't mind of the first 3 or 4 times it goes bad, keep trying on doing activities you may like and force yourself step by step to reach minor achievements you've never done before. Don't be too ambitious at first so start looking for friends first. Then I bet love will come without even noticing or looking for it. I really hope so.

 

[kilojoule]

^ That's great advice ...much better than what I was going to say haha nicely put vitalis


Welcome to the forum lonlee1

 

[lonelee1]

A lot of people here will understand perfectly how you feel. Love is a crucial aspect of life, and being extreme-shy people like us with few experiences we miss it a lot. I used to feel almost identically as you describe, until something quite similar than you happened. An online relationship I had with a girl ceased when we were just about to meet in person, and I felt absolutely abated. But after the initial depression period, I made up my mind and I started to changed the way I approached this problem.

I think we're wrong in thinking that an external love may come to our rescue and help us in overcoming our fears and shyness. It may have happened to a few lucky people, but I think it's not the ideal situation. How can we intend to give (and hence receive) love to/from another person when we're so unsure about ourselves?

So I'd tell you please keep being nice, never fall in bitterness, find ways to interact with others, don't mind of the first 3 or 4 times it goes bad, keep trying on doing activities you may like and force yourself step by step to reach minor achievements you've never done before. Don't be too ambitious at first so start looking for friends first. Then I bet love will come without even noticing or looking for it. I really hope so.

You're very right. Thank you very much for this, helps alot

 

[Engulfed707]

hello lonelee1
I just want to say that nothing is wrong you. all of us here are just different, and i think the best thing is to just embrace how we are unique and learn to put aside our differences to figure out how to interact with the world...
Anyway, I agree with vitalis... my problem is I don't have much to be happy about/be proud of right now. so I try to focus on little things, small victories that boost confidence in whatever way possible. Try to do that with communicating and building relationships. Sorry it's not much help.. I kind of like being a lone wolf so its a different story for me.
best of luck to you

 

[laure15]

I think good communication takes practice. If we want to improve our one-on-one social interaction skills, we need to practice more. But with so many of us relying on technology to communicate (i.e. texting), we don't need to confront each other face-to-face anymore so overtime, our communication skills deteriorate.

So, I suggest to try to improve your social skills before getting into romantic relationships. Start with baby steps.

 

[Srijita52]

A lot of people here will understand perfectly how you feel. Love is a crucial aspect of life, and being extreme-shy people like us with few experiences we miss it a lot. I used to feel almost identically as you describe, until something quite similar than you happened. An online relationship I had with a girl ceased when we were just about to meet in person, and I felt absolutely abated. But after the initial depression period, I made up my mind and I started to changed the way I approached this problem.

I think we're wrong in thinking that an external love may come to our rescue and help us in overcoming our fears and shyness. It may have happened to a few lucky people, but I think it's not the ideal situation. How can we intend to give (and hence receive) love to/from another person when we're so unsure about ourselves?

So I'd tell you please keep being nice, never fall in bitterness, find ways to interact with others, don't mind of the first 3 or 4 times it goes bad, keep trying on doing activities you may like and force yourself step by step to reach minor achievements you've never done before. Don't be too ambitious at first so start looking for friends first. Then I bet love will come without even noticing or looking for it. I really hope so.

Nice advice and I agree completely. I hope things get better with you lonlee.

 

[lonelee1]

hello lonelee1
I just want to say that nothing is wrong you. all of us here are just different, and i think the best thing is to just embrace how we are unique and learn to put aside our differences to figure out how to interact with the world...
Anyway, I agree with vitalis... my problem is I don't have much to be happy about/be proud of right now. so I try to focus on little things, small victories that boost confidence in whatever way possible. Try to do that with communicating and building relationships. Sorry it's not much help.. I kind of like being a lone wolf so its a different story for me.
best of luck to you

Thanks for the luck, you're right, small victories do count. We just have to learn to recognize them..I usually just tear myself down all the time.

 

[lonelee1]

I think good communication takes practice. If we want to improve our one-on-one social interaction skills, we need to practice more. But with so many of us relying on technology to communicate (i.e. texting), we don't need to confront each other face-to-face anymore so overtime, our communication skills deteriorate.

So, I suggest to try to improve your social skills before getting into romantic relationships. Start with baby steps.

thank you. baby steps indeed. It'd be more realistic to learn to engage in a few conversations first and improve social skills before hoping to dive into a relationship