when i'm out in the world, i'm away in my mind

[Anonymous]

uhh...hi i guess. well umm this sounds dumb but...when i go out to the store (hardly ever) and am paying at the register i feel so dumb and watched under the cashiers eyes...and i um i just try and dissappear. not dissappear but i pretend i'm not there. in my mind i just put up a wall. well i mean i'm scarlet in the face and shakey but i try and hide. ug i dunno i feel dumb for posting such a um pointless topic. sorry! but does anyone do stuff like that?

 

[Orlando]

Hi, -!

Weirdly, yes! I have this weird fear of my neighbors. I always feel that no matter what I do I have somehow insulted them. There are days when I just try to avoid them and when I see them trying to avoid me, I say, "*&^&^%, I pissed them off. As usual, I do this to all my neighbors." There are days when I approach them and talk. Afterwards I think, "#$%^$#, I won't be able to talk to them the next time I see them because I'll be so anxious (so probably the next time I'll see them I try to avoid them and then I'll insult them because I avoided them.)

Simple and Stupid! Yes, these are my stupid fears. Fears plant my cold feet solidly at my front door. I look twice before I leave my house so I don't have to speak to any neighbors. If some neighbors are out and talking, I usually wait until they finish talking and leave. That's just stupid for me because I'm always waiting for other people to finish before I can get working on my objectives.

That's just nutty!

 

[Regal70]

I feel a bit like that. LIke when I walk out of my house, everyone is watching me (the neighbors). I still have some of that feeling, but it generally doesn;t stop me from going out any more!!

 

[McKnight]

When I go to the store I usually get my money all ready and sort of feel embarrased if I have to go digging in my wallet or pockets.

 

[Anonymous]

hiya,

i think know exactly what you mean!! I think its because i get so embarrassed that you start thinking negative things about them looking at you and if you do something wrong. This makes me feel like im not actually there. Im so concerned about certain things and find myself deep in thought. It feels as if you are in the situation but there is some sort of barrier between you and the people in the shop? is that what you meant? like your in your own world?

 

[Orlando]

Hiya,

I also feel that same. I feel like, when I'm around people, I am a few steps behind....like I'm really moving very slowly. I can really keep up with their conversation. I feel invisible. I feel different from my friends/cut off!

 

[richkid]

Yeah thats maybe why the people want you to come out your shell. Its a perfect way to hide or run away whilst not actually going anywhere. I feel traped by my thoughts fucking hating my situation at the moment i just keep going aimlessly at the mo. Bollocks!

 

[Orlando]

Hi, richkid!

I understand your frustration. It is like running a race. Now, to run a marathon, there is a certain amount of pain that you must endure to get better (i.e., have a better time, longer milage, or better rank). Runners have to sweat and pant to get through the next mile (and the next mile after that). All runners have to go through the same pain. The difference with SP people is that we fear the sweating and the panting (i.e., we think that they are signs of a heart attack). It is certain difficult to improve performance when you are frightened of performing. However, I understand that frustration of 'trying to get better.' I understand it each night I stay home alone watching TV, reading a book or playing guitar. I understand it when I go to parties with friends and remain silent (I don't enjoy it). I hate that my silence and depression pervades all my relationships especially with my family.

Even with this SP, I going to run this race. My pace may be slow and I may move awkwardly but I'm going to finish it. I might have athlete's foot, two broken legs, a fractured nose, a torn ligament, a broken clavicle, a ruptured spleen, and a very bad bad case of halitosis....however, i'll finish. I may be mental and physical wreck so much so that people will not be able to recognize me from a pound of putrid molding flesh....however, I'll finish.................
I don't have anything else other than hope. (Hey, I can't depend on my looks. I have a fractured nose!)

P.S.
What does "Bollocks" mean. I really like how that word sounds. I think I'll use it myself!?! I just got to know what it means.

 

[richkid]

I know i know i'm still here managed to get through high school, uni, i'm fairly strong just started to get pissed of agian. I know what you saying I know how to get better.
Hope is a dangerous word for me, you can fall off a cliff and hope you want die knowing you will. You have to have faith that your may survive.

I just want to stop trying to be and just be.

 

[Orlando]

Richkid,

My post did not have the intended effect. I guess it was just my sad attempt at humor.
You made a very insightful point, "to try to stop trying to be and just be."
I definately have problems with this. There was a time when I was totally overly obsessive about my shyness. Every day, I would think how can I prove to myself that I'm not shy anymore. I would talk to people I didn't know. I would go to parties. I would do a lot of things that I would not typically do. Yet, I still felt the anxiety, even after I challenged myself and won the contest. Weird?
Now, I try to balance my focus on shyness. I try to improve my skills and my thoughts but I try to not let it take over my whole life.....It was like I was a social phobic.....not a person with social phobia. That's a big difference.

Thanks for making me aware of that. I had forgotten it....Thanks again :wink: