When your parents get mad at you, do they mention anything about your SA? My Dad doesn't really bring it up, but my Mom likes to throw in the line, "No wonder you have no friends." Thanks for reminding me. She's also called me a fag on more than one occasion (when she's mad), which I assume is because I've never had a girlfriend. I'm definitely not gay, but those comments do sting a little bit. It almost seems like that's what she really thinks of me but only says it when she's angry.
When your parents get mad...
- Thread starter chris87
- Start date
My mom says the "no wonder you have no friends" when we have an argument and attributes my not having any friends to me and that it's my fault. According to her, it's also my fault that I get depressed.
Never been called a fag by my parents. But it kinda sucks when closet gays have had more girlfriends than me.
Never been called a fag by my parents. But it kinda sucks when closet gays have had more girlfriends than me.
Chod77
1
Thats terrible. My parent's don't really say anything about my SA but they have said something about me being a lesbian just because I have never had a boyfriend. It hurts a lot and its not fair. Sorry your parents make fun of you. Your mom just says that stuff to be spiteful. People mock what they do not understand.
PhantomPod
Well-known member
My mom has never really said the "no wonder you have no friends" line directly to me. Although I have beat her to the punch and have said it for her on more than one occasion, like, "yeah, I know, no wonder I have no friends, right?!"
Richey
Well-known member
i'm shocked a parent used the word "fag", that is really extreme and i'm not sure i'd put up with it for long, i don't even think i'd want to be living under the same roof as someone like that unless they had nagging tourettes or a nasty drug habit but even so its till no excuse ..
ive had phrases like "your not my son", "do you have some sort of social phobia", "why arnt you out drinking like everybody else" ..
not really helpful but very critical desperation to see me as the social butterfly every other youngster in my family have become and something my parents can brag about while comparing their kids qualities with their work colleagues and friends, its understandable but they really don't offer any encouragement or advice, any wisdom that helps at all its mostly whinging comments that lead to ongoing resentment that cuts to the core ..
i usually just respond with "Lets get a party going, you are invited" and it shuts them up
ive had phrases like "your not my son", "do you have some sort of social phobia", "why arnt you out drinking like everybody else" ..
not really helpful but very critical desperation to see me as the social butterfly every other youngster in my family have become and something my parents can brag about while comparing their kids qualities with their work colleagues and friends, its understandable but they really don't offer any encouragement or advice, any wisdom that helps at all its mostly whinging comments that lead to ongoing resentment that cuts to the core ..
i usually just respond with "Lets get a party going, you are invited" and it shuts them up
_Brittany_
Well-known member
Yes!
:evil:
:evil:
decadeOfSA
Well-known member
My parents have come to understand that I have this problem called SA. My mom is very supportive, but by dad thinks I'm making excuses and thinks I don't really have a problem and I can go out and get a job and everything will be fine. Either that or he doesn't care. Probably some of both. Unless you suffer from it, it's hard to understand what it is really like. I wish everything would be fine as I would go out and get a job immediately if I thought I could handle it. I know I cannot though. You have some bad parents if they call you a "fag". They are probably partly responsible for your SA from parenting methods and genes they gave you.
decadeOfSA said:
Agreed. My parents have always been supportive and understanding, maybe part of it is that they didn't push me hard enough when I was younger. I dunno.
decadeOfSA
Well-known member
Rodox said:
Yeah my dad says similar things. But facing your fears is easier said than done. You have to face your fears to overcome them though, but you have to do it gradually and use therapeautic techniques and/or medicine to help you get through it. If you face your fears and put yourself in social situations that make you extremely anxious and you have nothing to buffer the symptoms of SA, then it will just make it worse. The reason we all have SA is partly biological and partly psychological. At some point in your lifetime or gradually over time, we have felt uncomfortable around people. Your mind makes an association between people and feeling bad and that's why you have SA. You need to gradually desensitize yourself using gradual exposure techniques, relaxation exercises, cognitive behavioral therapy and maybe some medicine too. The goal is to replace the bad association of fear and people with relaxation and people. Then when you are around people, your brain automatically things "relaxation", instead of "fear".
ljwwriter
Well-known member
My Mom has told me to "get a life" before and that I'm not only wasting my own life, but wasting her and my father's as well. The latter was just last week.
Also I've had my Dad say some pretty nasty things in heated arguments which I'd like to think he doesn't mean, but I suspect, deep down, he really does a lot of the time. Once he told me I was nothing/not shit, another time he said that I thought I was a girl. He once yelled at me to go sit at the park and read or do whatever it is that "weird guys like you do". And another time soon after some suicidal ideation's of mine that he found out about he told me I could go take a whole bottle of pills for all he cared. These were all said in the heat of the moment, mind you. But it didn't make them any better to hear.
Then again, my Dad has the bad habit of saying extremely cruel and spiteful things when he's angry. Just last month he was in a foul mood and during an argument with my Mom said that he was embarrassed of her because of her weight and laziness. The reason for all of his anger was absolutely ridiculous, but I won't go into that.
Also I've had my Dad say some pretty nasty things in heated arguments which I'd like to think he doesn't mean, but I suspect, deep down, he really does a lot of the time. Once he told me I was nothing/not shit, another time he said that I thought I was a girl. He once yelled at me to go sit at the park and read or do whatever it is that "weird guys like you do". And another time soon after some suicidal ideation's of mine that he found out about he told me I could go take a whole bottle of pills for all he cared. These were all said in the heat of the moment, mind you. But it didn't make them any better to hear.
Then again, my Dad has the bad habit of saying extremely cruel and spiteful things when he's angry. Just last month he was in a foul mood and during an argument with my Mom said that he was embarrassed of her because of her weight and laziness. The reason for all of his anger was absolutely ridiculous, but I won't go into that.
Chod77 said:Thats some bullshit! After reading some of these responses I can see why a lot of us have low self esteem.
For me, these things are only really said when my Mom gets mad about something. She'll apologize a few days later and say something like "I didn't mean it...it's just that you make me so angry sometimes, and I end up saying terrible things."
I just feel like that's what someone must really feel about you and that under normal circumstances, they won't say it to your face. When they're angry, they say what's truly on their mind. Maybe I'm making no sense!
VioletTears
Well-known member
Wow, this whole thread is really sad... My parents were never like that. I don't know why I became how I am, I have just been like this for as long back as I can remember... I guess I was sort of born this way.
I hear parents talk that way to their babies sometimes though, at work, and it breaks my heart... I can't imagine ever saying such things to my son... Not now or ever. I don't think there's anything he could possibly do that would make me love him any less... There are decissions that could hurt/dissapoint me, but I would still be there for him... Your parents should have been, too, and it's NOT your fault that they weren't. Parenting isn't SUPPOSE to be easy but it's a parents job to be there for their child no matter what.
I hear parents talk that way to their babies sometimes though, at work, and it breaks my heart... I can't imagine ever saying such things to my son... Not now or ever. I don't think there's anything he could possibly do that would make me love him any less... There are decissions that could hurt/dissapoint me, but I would still be there for him... Your parents should have been, too, and it's NOT your fault that they weren't. Parenting isn't SUPPOSE to be easy but it's a parents job to be there for their child no matter what.
I don't think they truely understand the graveness and consequence of SA. They seem to be perfectly fine and contended I have no friends. Therein lies part of the problem why I am upset with my parents. They see it as normal that I don't have any friends, nor are they concerned. They think it is perfectly fine to cage me up, just work, return home, dinner, sleep. Rise and repeat. Nothing wrong that I have no other interests or activities outside of this routine. Its not normal yet to them it is and they are happy. I am not, I feel tremedous hurt and unhappiness.