why are people like this with me!!!!!!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

i have sp and i do try to make a difference by meetin up with people and trying to socialise, even though i obviously go the wrong way about it cos i meet up one on one instead of bein with more than one person, so basically thats when the awkwardness kicks in and I seem to be the one in control, cos i start running out of things to say and they dont say a fucking thing, they just sit there quiet and cos im quiet too it makes the whole situation look like its all my fault and their not even talkin either! iv had this with several people so i know its not just a certain person, bu with anyone else i just know theyd find them intreaging and start gabbing away, but with me they always keep their gobs shut and it doesnt help me at all so i end up wavin goodbye and feeling like shit and that person never wants to see me again or pay paticular interest in....never askin me questions, im always the one doing it.ITS DRIVING ME INSANE is it just me? i feel like the most borin person the world WHY ARE PEOPLE LIKE THIS WITH ME?!

 

[Anonymous]

no, it's the same with me

it sucks big time but the only way i can handle it is to accept that i'm not ever going to be mr. popular, but i hope i will meet a few people over the course of my life who i really click with

 

[Crimefish]

Don't forget: Just 'cause it's a silence doesn't mean it has to be awkward. Every second doesn't have to be filled with talking. Some of the best conversations I've ever had were mostly silent.

 

[gen1cummins]

Its the same way for me too, but keep tryin and you'll meet someone, I met my wife, I've never had any problem talking to her I can be myself and not get embarrassed. But It cuases problems in our relatoinship when we try to make new freinds, we have very few freinds, mostly because of me, even if i try and talk to a normally out going person they just keep quiet too, then of course it gets akward, and of course my wife doesent understand or even belive me that the other person won't talk either, cause she doesent understand what a person with SA/SP is going through. my only explaination for it is that humans like animals, insects, whatever, give off some sort of frequincy to one another, ya know what we call vibes. I think people with SA/SP either dont give off any, cause its somehow being blocked, or we give off something kind of bad or akward to other people, which makes them uneasy or even akward also. Not nessasarely a bad vibe like some creepy serial killer, but maybe just a mixed signal, that confuses the other persons signal reader, and makes them feel funny too.

 

[Dedication]

Gen1cummins is right...all of us give off a certain frequency. I like to think of it this way:

Each of us are made up of little, tiny strings that vibrate. When they vibrate they give off a certian musical note or tone...kinda like a guitar or violin or harpsichord...you get the idea. Now when we get near another person our musical notes either resonate together and we harmonize...kinda like the nicest song you've ever heard...or we don't resonate at all...kinda like the worst song you've ever heard. There's in-between resonation, too...like you're not sure if you like the song or not...or you think the song's okay...or it takes a while for you to really like the song.

For people like us with SA/SP, however, we tend to distort our own musical tones...I think by whatever chemical is released in our bodies when we're anxious. This also blocks us from receiving the musical notes of others...or we're not allowing ourselves to open up to the musical notes of others...thus making any kind of meaningful connection impossible. This is all speculation, of course...maybe if there's a biophysicist out there he or she could offer a little more insight into this theory.

 

[Anonymous]

I used to soo want to be mr popular, but im learning to like myself, and frankly i like myself better than other people, so why would i want anybody elses adoration?
Although i believe i will meet ppl i click with, but few and far between

 

[Anonymous]

lol... this giving off frequencies / vibe thing is making me paranoid now... that people can sense my nervousness 8O

 

[LazerCarp]

there's a lot of people in the same position mate, see it as a struggle you will overcome in the future rather than thinking about how bad it is at the time. every time i fail socially i use the embarrassment to drive myself to get more focussed in curing it.

 

[LazerCarp]

i used to think that too but the reality is elephant man style ugly people still do fine in society so long as they have the confidence to get on. what you've gotta do is strive for that confidence.

 

[Yossarian]

I think it's great that you have taken that step to meet people. Nothing will change unless we face the fear. Sorry to hear it hasn't worked out well but I don't think anyone can say because we don't have enough information. Conversation is a skill that can be improved so I hope you keep on trying.

I guess if they all seem uncomfortable the key might to be to find ways to make them feel at home. Find something they are passionate or at least very interested in and let them do their thing maybe. Be complimentary. Don't talk over them or criticise etc. It's hard to say without being there.

Keep trying though. It's the only way to get better and you will in time.

 

[Hamble]

Gen1cummins is right...all of us give off a certain frequency. I like to think of it this way:

Each of us are made up of little, tiny strings that vibrate. When they vibrate they give off a certian musical note or tone...kinda like a guitar or violin or harpsichord...you get the idea. Now when we get near another person our musical notes either resonate together and we harmonize...

From now on, I'm only going to have a conversation whilst sitting on a washing machine during spin cycle, playing my guitar

 

[Chilling__Echo]

rofl hamble! sounds more like good sex... now i sound like a troll...nevermind


i feel like this alot, i hate it when people tell me that i'm quiet. how am i supposed to respond to that?!? but yeah, i've deffinately had my share of awkward moments. :roll:

 

[Hamble]

rofl hamble! sounds more like good sex... now i sound like a troll...nevermind


i feel like this alot, i hate it when people tell me that i'm quiet. how am i supposed to respond to that?!? but yeah, i've deffinately had my share of awkward moments. :roll:

Whilst playing a tune and having a chat at the same time? I wish I was that good at multi-tasking :lol:

I hate it when people state the obvious and mention how quiet I am. Just makes me more withdrawn. Silly people.

 

[Mici]

I hate it when people state the obvious and mention how quiet I am. Just makes me more withdrawn. Silly people.

I hate that too. When someone says that it more or less guarantees I'll clam up completely. I also hate the "Cheer up, mate, it may never happen" type of comment. Not to mention all the "why can't you be more friendly?" comments.

I'm not so bothered these days about silences, though. It takes at least 2 people to have a conversation - so why should it be just my fault if it goes quiet? If it goes totally quiet, or you can't think of anything to say, then leave if it bothers you. Why should we live our lives trying to please other people?

I think if you meet with other socially anxious people the silence issue is going to crop up fairly often. You could plan for it in advance, and decide not to let silences bother you - realising that the other person feels just as nervous as you do anyway.

 

[Hamble]

Why should we live our lives trying to please other people?

I think if you meet with other socially anxious people the silence issue is going to crop up fairly often. You could plan for it in advance, and decide not to let silences bother you - realising that the other person feels just as nervous as you do anyway.

I think that would be funny. You'd both laugh about it because you'd both know exactly how the other person would be feeling and that would make for a very laid back amusing time. That's if you both had stuff in common to chat about and the same sense of humour in the first place

 

[Hamble]

Why should we live our lives trying to please other people?

I think if you meet with other socially anxious people the silence issue is going to crop up fairly often. You could plan for it in advance, and decide not to let silences bother you - realising that the other person feels just as nervous as you do anyway.

I think that would be funny. You'd both laugh about it because you'd both know exactly how the other person would be feeling and that would make for a very laid back amusing time. That's if you both had stuff in common to chat about and the same sense of humour in the first place

I think I just completely echoed what you just said, sorry, ignore me I'm high on flu meds :roll: :wink:

 

[dontbeshy]

i have sp and i do try to make a difference by meetin up with people and trying to socialise, even though i obviously go the wrong way about it cos i meet up one on one instead of bein with more than one person, so basically thats when the awkwardness kicks in and I seem to be the one in control, cos i start running out of things to say and they dont say a fucking thing, they just sit there quiet and cos im quiet too it makes the whole situation look like its all my fault and their not even talkin either! iv had this with several people so i know its not just a certain person, bu with anyone else i just know theyd find them intreaging and start gabbing away, but with me they always keep their gobs shut and it doesnt help me at all so i end up wavin goodbye and feeling like shit and that person never wants to see me again or pay paticular interest in....never askin me questions, im always the one doing it.ITS DRIVING ME INSANE is it just me? i feel like the most borin person the world WHY ARE PEOPLE LIKE THIS WITH ME?!

 

[dontbeshy]

i have sp and i do try to make a difference by meetin up with people and trying to socialise, even though i obviously go the wrong way about it cos i meet up one on one instead of bein with more than one person, so basically thats when the awkwardness kicks in and I seem to be the one in control, cos i start running out of things to say and they dont say a fucking thing, they just sit there quiet and cos im quiet too it makes the whole situation look like its all my fault and their not even talkin either! iv had this with several people so i know its not just a certain person, bu with anyone else i just know theyd find them intreaging and start gabbing away, but with me they always keep their gobs shut and it doesnt help me at all so i end up wavin goodbye and feeling like shit and that person never wants to see me again or pay paticular interest in....never askin me questions, im always the one doing it.ITS DRIVING ME INSANE is it just me? i feel like the most borin person the world WHY ARE PEOPLE LIKE THIS WITH ME?!

I feel like this a lot...sometimes its with people who are normally quite talkative so it seems like i totally kill the conversation. I'd be sitting there going blank and cannot think of a single thing to say and feeling that they hate me.
I think its the vibe thing maybe, i have one friend who i can actually talk to but we've known each other for about 12 years so she knows what im like. she said i seem to give off a vibe that makes people not sure what to say to me. i think i convince myself that they will not/do not like me, or that they think im boring, which kinda makes me distance myself from them and appear unenthusiastic. this also happens when im getting on well with someone cos i start wondering why they even like me and i want to avoid them in case we have nothing to talk about next time i see them. i used to think it was just my personality but i recently found out i had SA so im still abit confused and working things out in my head.

And yea its annoying when people say im quiet! i remember one time in primary school, the teacher, who was this scary woman with cold piercing grey eyes, she was taking suggestions and suddenly she just wheeled around from the black board and pointed a sharp finger at me and accused me of never putting my hand up to speak. which had the effect of shutting me up even more, i was so mortified

 

[blackbird]

it bothers me when people make some comment like, "why are you so quiet?" as if i'm supposed to have some rational explanation for the way i am. it makes things worse cause it just reinforces the idea that something is wrong with me......... i don't even realize how much i come across as being so quiet; i can be in a group for only a short period of time and it's like everyone senses that i'm different even though i don't realize how different i'm acting. i was reading some of the things here about giving off signals or vibes to other people and it really seems true; whenever i meet people it's like they immediatley know i'm shy and uncomfortable. of course it's most likely partially just my being paranoid, but i really feel like i give off vibes warning people to stay away cause i'm no good in social situations....... college life is so stressful as it is; the social part is supposed to be the fun part but for me it seems to create more stress than anything else....

 

[IamJack]

I just came from a party tonight and the exact same thing happened to me, well it happens all the time. I meet someone and even if their outgoing we both end up being quiet and extremely awkward. this sucks ass. I just feel like the biggest loser ever. I ended up sitting alone watching others. I've racked my brains thinking of what I could do to change this, but nothing comes to mind. And its really not about being mr. popular, but just meeting people and connecting with them and having a good time. Also this vibe thing makes allot of sense. I did have an old friend of mine tell me that he felt a weird vibe around me that made people tense. I also have had old friends who ask whats wrong with me and I just tell them I'm going through a phase. I'm really starting to hate myself . I'm thinking if maybe I were to make an ass of myself in front of others the awkardness might somehow go away. I think maybe I should see someone about my SA, but if i did I would just make them uncomfortable as well.


I apologize for my rambling...