Why do some people overcome SA while others don't?
- Thread starter Moses199
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Argentum
Well-known member
Environment is going to play a role in the starting point. Our experiences either lift us up or give us burdens that might need to be worked through before we can make progress in another area. There's a very big mental and emotional aspect to life that I think can be ignored in favor of goals, goals, goals. How people see themselves and the world around them is massively important.
The desire to change also plays a part. For every person who seeks out reading material or professional help to shed light on what's happening, who they are, and what they could do, there's one who sits at home and refuses to expend any effort, learn anything, or face any form of discomfort.
I used to write very long posts on some forums about things like how I was recovering from a difficult childhood without therapy (though I don't recommend people skip that, I just did), but they were ignored for much shorter, more general posts. People didn't want to know how to survive a dysfunctional home from someone who grew up in a dysfunctional home and had talked to many survivors of abuse and neglect in adulthood, they wanted a hit of sympathy or controversy to feel better short-term.
The desire to change also plays a part. For every person who seeks out reading material or professional help to shed light on what's happening, who they are, and what they could do, there's one who sits at home and refuses to expend any effort, learn anything, or face any form of discomfort.
I used to write very long posts on some forums about things like how I was recovering from a difficult childhood without therapy (though I don't recommend people skip that, I just did), but they were ignored for much shorter, more general posts. People didn't want to know how to survive a dysfunctional home from someone who grew up in a dysfunctional home and had talked to many survivors of abuse and neglect in adulthood, they wanted a hit of sympathy or controversy to feel better short-term.
hoddesdon
Well-known member
shield, the OP of the thread I referred to, is saying that he did.
Sacrament
Well-known member
I don't think it's something you get rid of. Even public speakers with years of experience get anxious before a lecture. They see it as something that's normal and they deal with it by accepting it and letting it be. By going through with the lecture they see their anxiety for what it is (just being nervous, whether to a larger or smaller extent), they turn a scary, rabid rottweiler into a harmless puppy they can tame.
rockchick46
Well-known member
That is exactly what I feel like, when I have to give an oral presentation, in my uni class.
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Megaten
Well-known member
I personally cant say Im completely void of social anxiety, but I can say Im a lot better than I was a decade ago. I used to not be able to carry on conversations with people unless I was intoxicated first and I would tremble during oral presentations. Now however its still a little uncomfortable but its not something that'll ruin my week. Also Ive learned to bounce back from awkward encounters faster as they are always going to happen regardless. But like I had said earlier there are still things that scare me to death, like dating or job interviews since rejection is a regular occurring thing there, but I think thats a bit normal tbh. People just have to get to a place where they stop beating themselves up so much and thinking they are doomed, as that old post said.
nodejesque
Well-known member
I don think people overcome. They just get better at functioning outside of their comfort zone.
Odo
Banned
I was nervous once in a situation where people usually get nervous, therefore I had social anxiety.
But I'm not nervous now, therefore I'm a hero who has overcome SA by the sheer force of my superior willpower... and I must tell others how I did it. Everyone should follow my words of wisdom!
:applause:
Sometimes it's hard to post here because I feel like people really experience that! Nervousness in a situation or two or even three is not social anxiety. It's like some folks are saying, "Oh it's no big deal," when their experiences are far different from my own. Then when I say I have or had a hard time dealing with it, their response is along the lines of "you're just not trying hard enough," or, "quit making excuses."
Odo
Banned
I think the problem is that SA is defined pretty vaguely in the resources people will typically use to self-diagnose/understand it, and that those resources are sketchy.
Anxiety vs. Nervousness 101: Managing ‘Mild’ Anxiety
And
https://anxietybytheanxious.wordpress.com/2015/10/10/10-things-people-just-dont-get-about-anxiety/
^The last article sums up what some people seem to think pretty accurately... all of it wrong, of course.
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PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
I have made great improvements in dealing with my SA. Over time that included a few different things but the biggest factors where;
1) wanting true change. You can only truly improve if YOU are willing to make changes.
2) seeking help. keep seeking help. dont give up if the first few people aren't 'right'.
3) becoming self aware day to day. Becoming aware when you are thinking the wrong way, acknowledging that you're doing so and self correcting.
The last point is perhaps the toughest one. You first have to acknowledge you're thinking is patterns are faulty, become aware of them when they are happening, and continually self correct. This can be mentally fatiguing.
One trait of SA is, it gives you the impression of security, sort of like a security blanket. For me it was what I thought a source of inner strength for many years. Now I know different.
1) wanting true change. You can only truly improve if YOU are willing to make changes.
2) seeking help. keep seeking help. dont give up if the first few people aren't 'right'.
3) becoming self aware day to day. Becoming aware when you are thinking the wrong way, acknowledging that you're doing so and self correcting.
The last point is perhaps the toughest one. You first have to acknowledge you're thinking is patterns are faulty, become aware of them when they are happening, and continually self correct. This can be mentally fatiguing.
One trait of SA is, it gives you the impression of security, sort of like a security blanket. For me it was what I thought a source of inner strength for many years. Now I know different.
Kiwong
Well-known member
Rock on, Kiwong
Cheers Sacrament. 1980s rock all the way for me.
rockchick46
Well-known member
hippiechild
Well-known member
I don't know if you ever can truly overcome social anxiety, but it certainly can be managed.
People who tend to relate to their social anxiety in terms of a disease or externally applied condition seem to fare better than those who identify with it and make it a part of their identity: "I have social anxiety" versus "I am socially anxious". Social anxiety is not a personality, the commonalities between sufferers do not extend beyond the condition. *
The other major factor, I feel, is access to a novel environment. I believe that it is absurd to expect changed behavior to emerge from old environments. That's not how conditioning works. If you want to recondition yourself, one of the best ways is to put yourself in situations with novel stimuli. Moving away from home, going on a road trip, camping, etc. The key is that you be around people in an environment where your behaviors have not had time to become ingrained, freeing you to experiment with other ways of being.
Another one, which probably is rarely mentioned and perhaps frowned upon... but I will mention because it can be effective... is psychedelics. It is my experience that strategic, intelligent use of psilocybin and LSD in the right environment can help with reconditioning people's behavior. It has a tendency to give you a perspective that is, more or less, free of social constructs, which allows you to sort reasonable and unreasonable beliefs in a tangible way. They also utilize neural pathways that are often unused, allowing for a reconstruction of behavior through the exercise of fresh pathways.
Therapy is the last major one that I can identify. It speaks for itself and really can be an effective stepping-stone if you get a good counselor/psychologist/psychiatrist.
.. probably a certain acceptance of discomfort... as you will have to continuously push yourself into uncomfortable situations to improve.
becoming competent and thereby confident in abilities that you see as valuable...
Since the body is a unified whole, there is no real distinction between your mind and your body, as the body and brain are one system. So, a strong, healthy body is the absolute foundation of good mental health. If I had to organize this post as a list descending by importance, this would be first. You also will build confidence when you realize that you owe it to yourself to be healthy.
People who tend to relate to their social anxiety in terms of a disease or externally applied condition seem to fare better than those who identify with it and make it a part of their identity: "I have social anxiety" versus "I am socially anxious". Social anxiety is not a personality, the commonalities between sufferers do not extend beyond the condition. *
The other major factor, I feel, is access to a novel environment. I believe that it is absurd to expect changed behavior to emerge from old environments. That's not how conditioning works. If you want to recondition yourself, one of the best ways is to put yourself in situations with novel stimuli. Moving away from home, going on a road trip, camping, etc. The key is that you be around people in an environment where your behaviors have not had time to become ingrained, freeing you to experiment with other ways of being.
Another one, which probably is rarely mentioned and perhaps frowned upon... but I will mention because it can be effective... is psychedelics. It is my experience that strategic, intelligent use of psilocybin and LSD in the right environment can help with reconditioning people's behavior. It has a tendency to give you a perspective that is, more or less, free of social constructs, which allows you to sort reasonable and unreasonable beliefs in a tangible way. They also utilize neural pathways that are often unused, allowing for a reconstruction of behavior through the exercise of fresh pathways.
Therapy is the last major one that I can identify. It speaks for itself and really can be an effective stepping-stone if you get a good counselor/psychologist/psychiatrist.
.. probably a certain acceptance of discomfort... as you will have to continuously push yourself into uncomfortable situations to improve.
becoming competent and thereby confident in abilities that you see as valuable...
Since the body is a unified whole, there is no real distinction between your mind and your body, as the body and brain are one system. So, a strong, healthy body is the absolute foundation of good mental health. If I had to organize this post as a list descending by importance, this would be first. You also will build confidence when you realize that you owe it to yourself to be healthy.
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