Work

[Hauntedhead]

Anyone work ? Ive been at this place now for 2 weeks and I find I go threw the day hideing my anxiety but i know it shows all over my face that im a nervous wreck,some days are good better then others and I never have all out anxiety to its highest peak all day just certain parts of the day depending on the situation really,but I think people judge me for the way i look ,,because alot of the time i look angry or "worried" and its so hard because im really a nice guy and im fairly outgoing and i know i look angry and worried i know i look like somthings wrong but i cant do anything about it,,its just who i am,becuase there is somthign wrong with me and i know it shows but how do you tell someone at your work like your boss or other employees that you suffer from anxiety and depression you know? Its kinda embrassing and id rather just keep it to myself .Anyways I would say most people at my job like me but it seems my boss the guy who hired me doesnt like me because I always look angry and worried or that I just hate my job which i dont ,,I hate the anxiety but i dont mind the job i actually kinda like it,I think most people there know that im an anxious guy just because im always chewing gum and have an intense look on my face,,anyways today there was this big boardroom meeting with all the bosses and all the people from the company and we had to all answer questions about the company and how we should solve them and so on,,anways finally my turn to speak and i felt really anxious as expected but i didnt do to bad i guess, but my boss was sitting on a table behind me and i could just feel his eyes burning into my face,I dont know what it is but everytime i see him and the way he looks at me like im a freak i want to punch him in the face really bad ,,I didnt blush for the first time in a long time in that kind of situation i hate those meetings,,I fear that shit like crazy while to the average person its just a way to slack off and do no work and laugh. I want to tell everyone "wtf are you looking at I have social anxiety,now stop fucking stareing at me like im a fucking circus freak"you know? but I dont say that for obvious reasons,plus im new plus its personal shit and it will just make me feel akward around them since they know so its kinda lose lose situation,,but i know in there minds they might be wondering whats wrong with me why do I look worried or anxious and it bothers me but im afraid to tell my boss that because he might fire me or think its not good for the company,,but another part of me says fuck em ,,like i never once did or said anything bad to this guy or anyone at this job for that matter, im always on time for work and im a hard worker i give 110%and do what im told with no lip. Just today i had to leave early to go fill up on medications so i left about half hour early to go see my doctor and as i was walking out i walked by the 2 big bosses and i felt like shit and i just said "im just off to my appointment"which i informed him a couple days before and the dick looked at his watch and kinda gave me the dick look the one where i want to punch his fucking teeth out look, anyways I dunno im just frustrated again over and over same thing with people..But as for my boss maybe hes just a dick to begin with ..I guess i just feel bad because i cant help the fact i feel and look anxious and worried or angry and i want to look happy and look like a plesant guy and a happy guy even if im not inside so i dont look so misrable all the time but you just cant hide being misrable if you really are, I know that from years and years of having this this nightmare. Thats what im frustrated about and i cant, and if you can relate you know its hard..Basically what im trying to say is do you guys think that he wouldnt like me because i look mean or worried or that somthings wrong with me? and and another part of me says fuck him why should i care about what he thinks or anyone else for that matter,,but doing that hurts inside to think that they might not like me or think im a freak , I pretend like it doesnt but it really does deep down. Sorry for rambeling on about this..But if you can relate or have any suggestions id be greatful to hear them. I know I know im a fucked up dude

Sorry for the long post and bad grammer and spelling and so on..

 

[Ddarko]

People with SA/SP often overanalyze the expressions or reactions of other people. So when you think your boss is giving you "the look" or something, just take it in and remind yourself that you are someone who has a tendency to interpret criticism where criticism is not necessarily present. I know because I have the same problem. I say something and then the other person's facial expression changes and I analyze it during and after the encounter endlessly. You can try an experiment: observe your boss sometime as he talks to someone else. See if his expressions are the same as when he responds to you. If so, then you know that that's just the way he is. I've found that this is most often the case: what you think are critical reactions are really just the way that person reacts to almost everybody.

Oh, and one very important thing: force yourself to smile when you approach others to converse. You'll be amazed at the difference it can make. Don't do it every single time (some people get annoyed with very happy people), but judge when its the right time.

 

[Hauntedhead]

Thanks for your advice ,,great advice, means alot and i see you have a good point ,but i find it really hard to smile most times...whats a good way to make yourself smile ?

 

[Ddarko]

I think it is hard for everyone to smile authentically on command. I would say that it is probably better in most circumstances to try to smile, even if it is a little fake, than to not smile at all. Of course, it is perferable to have an authentic smile (people can tell when a smile is authentic versus when it's fake). And the best way to smile authentically is to actually feel like you want to smile, i.e. to be happy or feel good--which can be difficult. It probably helps if you are doing something you like to do.

One thing I've found helpful is to think of something funny or even extremely hilarious just before meeting the person. It can be a thought or a memory of something, a joke or comic you've read. Pick something pretty darn funny that you relate to personally, preferably something that is quick and short but sets you laughing on the inside easily. Sometimes I do this and then wonder at what I laughed at and realize how strange life is... the idea is to lighten your mood a little and remind yourself that life need not be so serious. I'm not sure how well this will work for everyone though.

In the end, perhaps the only way to be happy is, well, just to be happy. What I mean is that when you interact with someone, they will almost always be happy or at least happier if they see you are too. So in reality, your happinness lies simply in telling yourself that happinness really does begin with that first spark of optimism that will set things off... don't know how much that helps.

Oh, and you can practice your smile too in a mirror or something. Fake smiles usually just involve the lips being pulled back over the teeth. Authentic smiles are when your whole face is engaged, especially up around the cheeckbones and eyes. It doesn't need to be a huge silly grin or anything, but you want to the person to recognize that you are smiling in reponse to them as an individual rather than just smiling at a random person in passing.

 

[dzerklis]

Ddarko cool avatar 8) do u have full size version of it? sorry for offtopic..

 

[Ddarko]

Yes, I have a 1203x1668 jpeg (318K). I originally got it off google images but can no longer find as large a version there (it's an ansel adams). I can email it if you give your address.