Would you show interest in someone then shy away once they show interest back?

[inspirer]

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[Josette]

It's possible she's trying to send the message she's not interested without straight up saying it, but I don't think so. The first reply sounds pretty friendly and encouraging. The second reply is also promising too, I think; she wouldn't apologize for not getting back to you if she really just wants you to buzz off. I think you should try again. Maybe be more specific though? Specify the day and approximate time? For example, "want to get dinner after work today" or "want to catch a movie this Saturday" or you could be super bold and say "I'd really like to get to know you better. Can I take you out sometime? Maybe this Friday?"

If it were me, I'd be unnerved by the vagueness of "want to go for a walk". But that's just me, a fellow social phobic. ;-)

 

[Kiwong]

I don't show interest, I show anxiety, which can apparently be seen as interest.

 

[missjesss]

hmmm stop over thinking this situation and just be straight out with her, maybe ask her on an actual date or a coffee or too see a movie that way she can't use the weather as an excuse and she will see straight out that your asking her out then she can give you a straight answer, it's not the end of the world if she says no there are plenty more fish in the sea

 

[Josette]

hmmm stop over thinking this situation and just be straight out with her, maybe ask her on an actual date or a coffee or too see a movie that way she can't use the weather as an excuse and she will see straight out that your asking her out then she can give you a straight answer, it's not the end of the world if she says no there are plenty more fish in the sea

It's not the end of the world, but it can sure feel like it sometimes with SA. ::

 

[Beatmetrics]

it's not the end of the world if she says no there are plenty more fish in the sea

Yep! Cause I'd smile right back at her and say yes your right, there are! and go about the day.

I think your good though by what your saying it doesn't sound like she's hinting at not being interested.

 

[inspirer]

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[FountainandFairfax]

I've done this every time a girl has shown interest in me. It takes me so long to assemble the troops that by the time I'm ready to go into battle, the war is over. Ha Ha

I always miss my window of opportunity and then either do too little too late and look like a complete wimp (NOT ATTRACTIVE), or just ignore the situation altogether until it's too late to even do anything.

Life with SA is hell.

 

[Feathers]

Inspirer, some people actually really don't check messages until late in the night or so... (me included sometimes) Or leave phone at home.. It doesn't mean anything, just messages not checked...

For me walking (or events out in the open) is often easier than more 'formal' things too..

It would be good to ask her a few days in advance, not just a few hours in advance... Maybe have a backup plan if it rains though? (You might both go to a gym/event or something?)

I'm not sure if I'm supposed to say this lol, probably not, the book says the girl shouldn't tell, but since this is spw - hmm.. here it goes: Some 'manuals' even say a guy has to ask by Wednesday for a date on Saturday, or she must politely (and in a friendly way! ) say she can't make it until he gets it right. Even if she *is* very interested... I can see how this could confuse some shyer guys though... Though if you really like her you would like to have her 'pinned down' for a day well in advance (not too far ahead then though either) - maybe she's just a person who likes to plan things and keep control of her schedule.. 'Spontaneous' things can sometimes be nice, sometimes they can kinda wreak a schedule though.. So in a way it shows respect of her time to ask her well in advance...

I think it's good she's independent and not waiting around for some guy to call her, no?

If the weather is 'moody' then asking for a walk (especially via text only) can be seen as 'maybe he's not really wishing so much for my company' or 'maybe he'd just like a walking buddy..' or 'why didn't he call or make more specific plans?' or maybe she likes texting better too and doesn't know your intentions lol..
Some guys take girls for granted if they 'drop everything and run' to them when they beckon...

I think it's good if you do get together and get to know her in person and then you'll know better where you're standing and if you're compatible or not...!! Also, take time to get to know her - you know that already!! And for her to get to know you too...

I've shied away from some people when they showed interest too, sometimes it was just because of being shy, or I somehow managed to convince myself they wouldn't really be right for me (that we wouldn't be compatible), though sometimes they still had a chance...
So even if she did shy away (for whatever reason) you might still have a chance - but you never know until you get together and speak in person... (And even then there might be some time when neither of you will know where you're standing and that's perfectly normal too!!)

Attraction > not sure/exploration > finding out if compatible or not > maybe more (something like that, if I remember it right )

 

[inspirer]

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[inspirer]

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[armadillo]

Whatever the case may be, it looks like she's using the busy talk stuff. I saw her in the hall today and she smiled and we both said hello, stopped for a minute to talk asking how's it going.
Now I didn't mention anything about trying to get together, just usuall small talk. The only thing she could say was on how busy she is and how she's going out of town tonight, I think where her parents live. And she just happens to mentions how we're supposed to have bad weather all weekend (though I see different, at least one good day). I was just like "oh yeah, I heard it was supposed to be nice". She goes "oh really, well I guess I'll find out when I wake up on Saturday". Then we said bye and see you later.
So yeah, I can take a hint, it's not hard to tell her avoidance.

Do you think it would be ok to mention to her that I can take a hint, and I won't persue her anymore (in different words of course)? It's killing me inside not fully knowing, I'd hate to keep seeing her and doing the awkard small talk and her thinking I'm going to try to ask her out or something. The reason is that I see her often because of work (we are in a big place and we are in different departments so it's not that often, but often enough).

The tragedy with Social Phobia is that when you are nervous, it makes the other person nervous, and people don't like feeling nervous, so they tend to shy away from people who make them feel that way. That's what I'm seeing from the situation you're describing. This girl probably likes you just fine but because you're nervous about her, she's picking up on that and it's putting her off.

Please don't introduce that topic into your conversation with her. It'll make things worse. You need to create a relaxed, casual tone with her if you want anything to work. Make her feel like you can take it or leave it, that you're happy to walk away or hang out with her, but it's her choice.

You need to bluff your way through this--and it's a win/win for you if you do it this way. If she's at all interested, she'll be attracted to your casual self-confidence. If she's not interested, you've created friendly 'no worries' relations with her which will help keep things from getting awkward.

 

[inspirer]

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[Josette]

I'm sorry it didn't work out. You should be proud of yourself for trying at least. And it's better to know, so you're not still wondering.

Don't let this get you down! This experience surely sucked but it will be easier next time.