Your Vent For The Day :)

[dan_e]

Hey everybody! I started this post so we can vent. So what's eating you today? (or if something good happened say so)

Feeling very sad and alone. Still struggling with when/how to tell someone about my SA problems, especially after a mini meltdown the other day that further complicated things. Exercised. Taking the rest of the day to relax and try to sort out my thoughts. Glad to hear from my friends here on the boards and a good day to you all.

 

[de]

a bad day

i qiut rugby the other day,i was sure it was the right decision at the time after spending 6 weeks obsessing about what i should do i decided that i wanted to move to a knew club(again) where my brother plays because i thought everyone in fact i was sure everyone hated me at the club i just quit then i spent 2 weeks agoniseing over what i was going to say to my coach, i even wrote out a list of possible reactions from my coach so i could be prepared for every possible scenario i did it though 1 of my finer mments despite the broken voice it sounded like i was crying at 1 stage but i got through it without getting a heart attack or panc attack it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders but then i went to the gym tonight and bumped into 1 of the players that i played with at the club i have just quit i have been going there for years and had never seen any 1 at that club at my gym,i didnt see him first otherewise i woulkd have gotten the fuck out of there,awkward bloody small talk well it felt very awkward i kept trying to end the bloody conversation but he kept dragging it out ,he then asked me for my phone number (what!!! is this guy taking the piss he probably wants it so he can give me abuse over the phone) so he could give me a buzz the next time he is going up to the gym he obhviously hasnt found out the good news yet,after the huge wait and burden was taken off my shoulders yesterday after finally quitting i thought that would be the end of at least part of my anxiety not having to go training twice a week and play at the weekend i could just hide, the anxiety is now at a peak i guess i wont be getting any bloody sleep tonight. I HATE S.A
ps sorry about the bring me down message had to tell someone may as well be people i dont know coz i cant tell anyone else

 

[toothpastekisses]

..................

 

[ghost_train]

Well, I actually got into college early today and was in a pretty up-beat mood. I made it my aim to try and be sociable (I always do this but it spectaculary backfires usually). So in I went to my first lesson, I was all fired up to make small-talk to the people who sit with me about the easter break...and got completely IGNORED. I wanted to cry right there and then, noone said a WORD to me. So I thought, "okay, fuck you" and just sat there in silence pretending to work for the whole three hours. We were doing about psychopathology and someone made a remark about it being "always the quiet ones" who turn out wrong. I swear, all eyes were on me, it was like they were laughing at me. Break time was the same as usual, I hid in the toilets for half an hour as my only close friend there wasn't in. As I walked to lesson some twat shouted something out at me, with all his chav mates taking the piss. I wanted to die there and then. Lunchtime was the same as usual, got the bus home then back again to look like I have something to do rather than hanging around alone again filling time in the toilets like a weirdo. And when I returned home to my sanctuary my brother's friends were round which meant I hid myself in my room until they left. Now I am writing this hoping someone doesnt come in my room and see the name of this site as nobody aside myself knows about my problems.

ah sweetie, don't give up- I know all about getting psyched up and flattened in quick succession- feeling like you can take on the world but then blown away by the breeze. I also know a few things about hiding in the toilets. "it's always the quiet ones"- that statement will inevitably get a reaction- the opportunity for a joke is just too easy and obvious for most people to overlook. Learn to just roll with it. Either that or just go with the 'fuck you' approach. Whatever you do- do it because you want to, not because you think that's what other people want you to do..

 

[toothpastekisses]

..................