Two questions for good looking males with SA

nodejesque said:

However, I have only had had two men in my life and both of them were also Latino. I think that what draws people to those like themselves is familiarity and acceptance. You're comfortable and you know what you're going into to.

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Let's be honest, latinos are the sexiest, deal with it other races.

On a more serious note, I find disgusting how much skin color matters to some americans. I know you can find racism everywhere but the US culture is obsessed with it.

Megaten said:

Im fully aware that no impairment = no disorder. But having a girlfriend or 3 isnt the end all be all of whether or not someone is impaired. We dont know anything else about fate12321 from that post indicating the other areas of his life social anxiety could be impairing. I said that by him asking that question, I could myself ask Moses if he really has SA. He regularly walks up to strange women and throws "his game" at them. While other guys here cant utter a single word to women. You see this is why he thinks his race is a problem and not his anxiety.

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I get you now. Quickest to pounce, slowest to understand. What can I say... I'm a strange one.

theslowesthand said:

Here's a couple of links that could fill-in some gaps:
How to Meet Women Without Really Trying – An Example

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I can translate this article for anyone who wants a more succinct explanation.

"Become high status AND a people person"

Which will not work for most of us here.

This reminds me of the handsome actor who was so nervous he climbed out of the toilet window rather than talk to Daryl Hannah.

Bronson99 said:

I get you now. Quickest to pounce, slowest to understand. What can I say... I'm a strange one.

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Its cool.

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Bronson99 said:

I can translate this article for anyone who wants a more succinct explanation.

"Become high status AND a people person"

Which will not work for most of us here.

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yep, high status will never work for peope like us, ive tried and didnt even get close to attaining high status..

extreme introverts arent people person, we avoid people at all costs..you can learn how to fake it in short bursts but it doesnt get you far..

bsammy said:

yep, high status will never work for peope like us, ive tried and didnt even get close to attaining high status..

extreme introverts arent people person, we avoid people at all costs..you can learn how to fake it in short bursts but it doesnt get you far..

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Better living through chemistry? Just something to consider.

Megaten said:

Im fully aware that no impairment = no disorder. But having a girlfriend or 3 isnt the end all be all of whether or not someone is impaired. We dont know anything else about fate12321 from that post indicating the other areas of his life social anxiety could be impairing. I said that by him asking that question, I could myself ask Moses if he really has SA. He regularly walks up to strange women and throws "his game" at them. While other guys here cant utter a single word to women. You see this is why he thinks his race is a problem and not his anxiety.

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Haha i could say my SA is probably the worst in here. Not even lying.
I'm homeless right now because of my SA. It's is different from most people. It doesn't just stay in basic level. It develops new branches of sub-SA disorders.

The only reason why i went out and approached girls is because i exposure is the only thing that has elminated one sub-SA disorder i have which is focusing on people peripherally. While i was going out to speak to girls, i was being tormented with alot of my SA disorddre that's why i stopped going out because i realized even if i were to get a GF i would never be able to maintian the relationship because of my simultaneity phobia a thing SA developed.

I have around 6 SA disorders.
1. simulenity phobia: fear of simultaneous actions. My thread about it http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/are-you-scared-of-your-neighbors-making-sounds-61157/
2. Mind Reading - believing people can read my mind, when i have a thought about someone i have fear seeing them cause i think they knew what i thought about them mentally.
3. Mental tourretes - involunitariy saying insults/violent/sexual things when in SA state
4. Not making noises - When in an aparment i don't make any sounds because i don't want the neighbors thinking i exist. I close doors/cabinet slowly and tip-toe around.
5. Peripherally focusing on people: making people socially uncomrtable because of intense focus. People stop wanting to be around me because i made them uncomfortable. People new i was weird and made my SA obvious as paint. I couldn't watch TV outside with my family anymore cos i feared they would get uncomfortable so i stayed in my room all time. Desc: http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/overactive-peripheral-vision-has-made-me-miserable-53657/
6. Thinking people are starring at my butt, eventhought there is nothing weird about it and i'm not homosexual one bit. I usually get scared to stand up.

I would say the worst is simlueniety phobia because i can't live around people anymore or places with sounds/body movements or else i will kill myself. It's 24/hr anxiety. That's why i decided to be homeless. When i had basic SA i could at least escape to my room and hide from the world and it's social situation, now the fear found it's way inside my hiding spot to keep tormenting me leaving me with no place to hide, with only option is going to secluded area where i can't hear anyone or see anybody. But i know if i do that my simlulneity phobia would grow even more. This is just to show you my SA isn't normal level, i'm in the high end of severe cases.

Moses, some of these things could be related to the autistic spectrum or Asperger's, in my opinion.

I'm just saying this because it seems some of your problems have a sensory component (I also have sensory issues.)

I'm far from being any kind of diagnostician, though. I could very well be completely wrong. Just suggesting it might be something to look into.

I would consider myself an above-average looking guy. Getting hit on whether it be in-person, online, or just hearing that someone thinks you're attractive is a short-lived ego boost.

I do have a girlfriend; we have been dating for 4 years and she is the only girl that I have every dated (I am 22). It is a very long story, but just trust that our relationship came about in very unlikely circumstances. I can elaborate if needed, but I want to keep this post as short as possible so people don't skip over it lol.

Good-looks are an added bonus, at best. Women like men for so many different reasons. Unfortunately, they really really like men that have great social skills. This includes story-telling, confidence, humor, and so on. For me, it is impossible to connect with anyone, men or women, because my anxiety makes it so difficult. My girlfriend is the only person on Earth that I can say has an accurate picture of who I am. Everyone else either has no idea who I am or has an opinion that is dead wrong (including my family).
I have social anxiety, but most people write me off as weird, awkward, shy, or just a flat out loner. It is what it is and I really don't hold it against anyone.

I mean, to really sum it up, I'll share a joke that a former co-worker made about me. For reference, we had a joking relationship and this might sound more malicious than he intended it to be.
He said, "When I saw him interviewing he just looked like a cool, normal guy. But then you meet him and he is way different." So basically, he was implying that I am awkward and weird.

You can look however you want, but if you can't connect with a girl, it's flat out useless to be good-looking. That is why although I consider myself good-looking, most girls think I am weird after meeting me; probably even more so since I don't look like what most people "think" a loner should look like.

So that is my experience...I am not trying to claim that I should be an Abercrombie model or anything like that. But over the years I have had girls that I would have been very interested in, based on looks, express interest in me and it never once came close to going anywhere.
And I have little to no confidence in landing another girlfriend if my current relationship were to ever end. MAYBE a good-looking guy could get a girlfriend based solely on looks if he dated waaay below his league, then maybe. I presume this thread is focusing on girls that would be in our league if it weren't for SAmg:

That's about as pessimistic and depressing as it gets.

You're essentially saying having social issues of any kind, negates everything else.

Why do I even bother reading anything in this forum, anymore? This is not what I come here for.

Bronson99 said:

That's about as pessimistic and depressing as it gets.

You're essentially saying having social issues of any kind, negates everything else.

Why do I even bother reading anything in this forum, anymore? This is not what I come here for.

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Well no because if that were the case he wouldnt have a girlfriend. He did say that people have called him creepy. Think about the implications of that.

Megaten said:

Well no because if that were the case he wouldnt have a girlfriend. He did say that people have called him creepy. Think about the implications of that.

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Right, but he still implied that the most important factor is social fluency, and if you don't have it, the rest doesn't matter.

Dude Confidence is more attractive than looks period, it's cliché as hell but there's a reason woman say it over and over. The same reason hot women are with less attractive men, in the end you settle for what you think you're worth. That's why self worth or self image is very important. If you believe you are average looking to some people then you will be and people will treat you as you wish. If you are happy with what you have which is how the creator wants I assume, then you will focus more on the unique characteristics you can add to the interactions as opposed to obsessing with how people view you. If you have SA dude just read up a tonne of confidence and success self help books. you'll realize everything is in the head and what you say to yourself is far more influential than what others will ever say to you if you choose to accept it. I know I'm good looking to any race and everyones opinions and tastes are different so if youre disappointed that you are attracted to certain woman that don't give the same back I'm sorry dude but you haven't asked enough woman to know truly if a certain race favours your looks over another. To suggest that is pretty general and unless you interview every single straight woman of the 2 races you talk about in your post then you won't know for sure.

Hope things turn out well for you man.

Bronson99 said:

Right, but he still implied that the most important factor is social fluency, and if you don't have it, the rest doesn't matter.

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To be honest Im not sure what to think anymore. Nothing we do in life really makes any sense and is all pretty pointless.

Bronson99 said:

That's about as pessimistic and depressing as it gets.

You're essentially saying having social issues of any kind, negates everything else.

Why do I even bother reading anything in this forum, anymore? This is not what I come here for.

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I'm sorry if my post rubbed you the wrong way, that wasn't my intention. Really, it was just based on my perspective of my life and I wasn't trying to lump people with SA together in the same exact situation.

I didn't mean to say that social issues negate everything, but you have to find a way to connect. SA makes that difficult for me. I know I'm a great person and I feel that you are probably a great person, as well Bronson.

But like it or not, most people make snap judgements and stick to them until proven wrong or told otherwise. I have made friends throughout my life but almost all of my friends are outgoing and made a persistent effort to get to know me. Those types of people are much less common to come by and you can't reasonably expect many people to do that.

SA puts up a wall in front of all of our great qualities and in most cases, you have to find a way to overcome that.

TLB said:

Nope, SA usually comes with a low self-esteem, so no matter how many people call you good looking, even if you believe it, you would assume people still wouldn't like you!

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I agree. very true.

Megaten said:

To be honest Im not sure what to think anymore. Nothing we do in life really makes any sense and is all pretty pointless.

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Good point. Maybe "magical thinking" is the way to go, then. If you're in your 30s and a genuine loser with some limitations (myself) maybe it's better to hang on to modest dreams, rather than destroy them with "brutal realism" and claim it'll never happen. I should clarify that the kind of "magical thinking" I mean is not delusion of grandeur, though, but more along the lines of naive optimism (what is called "positive delusion" in psychology, which is actually healthy.) Maybe that's the big change many of us need to make. Essentially, stop with the damned "I have no chance, there's no hope" crap. It's a tall order for some, of course. Especially myself, given that I've been thinking this way for a long-azz time.

A low quality, bottom-of-the-barrel guy can be higher quality if he thinks he is. I guess that's the gist of it.

Bronson99 said:

Good point. Maybe "magical thinking" is the way to go, then. If you're in your 30s and a genuine loser with some limitations (myself) maybe it's better to hang on to modest dreams, rather than destroy them with "brutal realism" and claim it'll never happen. I should clarify that the kind of "magical thinking" I mean is not delusion of grandeur, though, but more along the lines of naive optimism (what is called "positive delusion" in psychology, which is actually healthy.) Maybe that's the big change many of us need to make. Essentially, stop with the damned "I have no chance, there's no hope" crap. It's a tall order for some, of course. Especially myself, given that I've been thinking this way for a long-azz time.

A low quality, bottom-of-the-barrel guy can be higher quality if he thinks he is. I guess that's the gist of it.

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Hold on you've got me confused. I didnt exactly say all that. I just said I dont know what to think anymore because I dont have enough personal experience to call myself an expert. Also Im going through a bout of depression lately so its hard to be positive all the time. But I can give my opinion, and it is that there is some truth to what everyone is saying but its not absolute truth. People can only give opinions based on their personal experiences. Anyways from my experience the biggest issues that I have had thats made me a late bloomer is 1) not trying and 2) feeling worthless. Having social difficulties does make it hard for people to get to know you, but it doesnt immediately turn everyone off. Everyone has different standards. My current girlfriend told me that it was refreshing that I wasnt up in her face trying to sweet talk her when we first met and in fact told me that would have scared her off if I had. Which taught me that not all women are carbon copies that respond the same way. How many of them are like that...I dont know. Thats where my uncertainty is. Anyways, you gotta learn to like yourself more. Not so you can just be accepted people, but just because calling yourself some bottom feeder male just emotionally and mentally cripples you. It makes it hard for you to flourish and specifically express your good qualities. Because believe me when a person feels good about themselves and show people their better side, they'll be quick to ignore any vices you may have unless they are aholes. Not saying its easy to do. But think its a better hand to be dealt than being judged solely on how you look or your skin color, as was asked earlier. So you can put a positive spin on it.