ImNotMyIllness
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Wanting too much out of life
- Thread starter ImNotMyIllness
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MikeyC
Well-known member
What a person wants out of life differs from the next person. Some do want the big house and fancy car and sexy wife/husband - that gives them fulfilment. Others just want to live basic and free.
If you're happy doing what you're doing, and you're not hurting anyone (in fact, you appear to be helping), then it doesn't really matter. You said you've discovered your talents - what are they? Just being a compassionate, giving person? Or something more?
I do understand the need of wanting too much out of life. It's what we're told to do - find a nice man/woman, settle down, get a good job, buy a house, and so on - but that's not the be-all-and-end-all of the time we have.
Your needs change every 18-24 months, anyway. Your idea of living in the present time and listening to what you need and want is good.
If you're happy doing what you're doing, and you're not hurting anyone (in fact, you appear to be helping), then it doesn't really matter. You said you've discovered your talents - what are they? Just being a compassionate, giving person? Or something more?
I do understand the need of wanting too much out of life. It's what we're told to do - find a nice man/woman, settle down, get a good job, buy a house, and so on - but that's not the be-all-and-end-all of the time we have.
Your needs change every 18-24 months, anyway. Your idea of living in the present time and listening to what you need and want is good.
I see what you're saying. I too have learnt to compromise in life. I can't have everything that I wanted. I started off having high hopes for myself, thinking I'll be a well-respected professional and making buttloads of money in the future. Before long, reality hit and I realized how far away from this dream I am. I also ended up living with my parents. Failure made me appreciate the little things in life. The house, food, and clothing that I took for granted - now I've come to appreciate what I have. The all or nothing mentality can be destructive. Considering all things in perspective, very few people in the world struck it rich, and many rich people actually inherited their company/wealth/connections from their parents or relatives. You're right that life ain't fair, nothing personal.
MikeyC
Well-known member
Yeah, like my friends. Damn them! :no::
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Odo
Banned
LOL... I can relate to this.
I think there is merit to the idea that our culture fosters a narcissistic sense of entitlement in young people... and I'm not just bashing young people here because I was the same way. I always thought I was wonderful and everything would just fall into place because I was creative and original and was constantly receiving all kinds of encouragement and praise from everyone around me. But then I realized that young people are just by and large less critical of each other, more willing to support each other as opposed to being honest, and this is in addition to adults wanting to take it easy on you because you're 'just a kid'.
Then you grow up and realize that nobody is going to pay you for making your friends/teachers happy and you're not 'special' and it's not even about you so much as it's about what you can either take or give back.
It's not enough to be great at something, you need to be great at something that people want/need, or something that is in demand. You need to be good at asserting yourself and discovering and taking advantage of opportunities. There are all kinds of skills that you need to be successful and you definitely can't learn them in a university... and some people just don't have it in them, or the opportunities just aren't there.
It's good that you're content as long as you're not complacent. I think you can live and be happy without a lot of money, but you can't live or be happy without goals, a sense of purpose, or acceptance by a community... so I would focus on finding the latter, impossible though it may seem.
I think there is merit to the idea that our culture fosters a narcissistic sense of entitlement in young people... and I'm not just bashing young people here because I was the same way. I always thought I was wonderful and everything would just fall into place because I was creative and original and was constantly receiving all kinds of encouragement and praise from everyone around me. But then I realized that young people are just by and large less critical of each other, more willing to support each other as opposed to being honest, and this is in addition to adults wanting to take it easy on you because you're 'just a kid'.
Then you grow up and realize that nobody is going to pay you for making your friends/teachers happy and you're not 'special' and it's not even about you so much as it's about what you can either take or give back.
It's not enough to be great at something, you need to be great at something that people want/need, or something that is in demand. You need to be good at asserting yourself and discovering and taking advantage of opportunities. There are all kinds of skills that you need to be successful and you definitely can't learn them in a university... and some people just don't have it in them, or the opportunities just aren't there.
It's good that you're content as long as you're not complacent. I think you can live and be happy without a lot of money, but you can't live or be happy without goals, a sense of purpose, or acceptance by a community... so I would focus on finding the latter, impossible though it may seem.
MollyBeGood
Well-known member
Yes Wow doesn't life just kick you in the arse?!! I was so on top of the world in my early 20's. Well not really but I felt like I could have anything to a degree. My ex and I were making huge plans like once we were planing on buying a piece of land with a river on it and it needed a bridge so were were planning out how to build this bridge-I mean really!! Yes, and I was stronger then and had not messed up my body physically from too much work or playing too hard so I had that going for me..now it is not so easy to be so spry since I did some crazy stuff then..I was not thinking so much about anyone but myself because it is the time of your life to try to make something of yourself what ever the hell that means. It's like you still believe in Santa.
Then time passes. You don't measure-up and everyone else doesn't either and who cares really since it was all a bunch of B.S. anyways. Everything you were taught was lies pretty much and then you're left empty-handed and older, trying not to be jaded and still still you have dreams. I know I do. I have the same ones I did when I was little. I just now know the game is rigged and you have to have dreams still but you have to find peace in NOT having anything either. That's the key.
At the end of the day for me, it's about having someone to love and someone who loves me back. The rest is crap.
Then time passes. You don't measure-up and everyone else doesn't either and who cares really since it was all a bunch of B.S. anyways. Everything you were taught was lies pretty much and then you're left empty-handed and older, trying not to be jaded and still still you have dreams. I know I do. I have the same ones I did when I was little. I just now know the game is rigged and you have to have dreams still but you have to find peace in NOT having anything either. That's the key.
At the end of the day for me, it's about having someone to love and someone who loves me back. The rest is crap.
ImNotMyIllness
Well-known member
What a person wants out of life differs from the next person. Some do want the big house and fancy car and sexy wife/husband - that gives them fulfilment. Others just want to live basic and free.
If you're happy doing what you're doing, and you're not hurting anyone (in fact, you appear to be helping), then it doesn't really matter. You said you've discovered your talents - what are they? Just being a compassionate, giving person? Or something more?
I do understand the need of wanting too much out of life. It's what we're told to do - find a nice man/woman, settle down, get a good job, buy a house, and so on - but that's not the be-all-and-end-all of the time we have.
Your needs change every 18-24 months, anyway. Your idea of living in the present time and listening to what you need and want is good.
When I say talents, I mean a little more. Like having a special shine, something that attracts or draws people. Although, I keep to myself in the workplace, I always have a group of people that seem to really like me. That's because I'm kind, understanding, funny and give great advice. I don't need to tie my self worth to accomplishments.
This is not about being complacent. Far from it. It's about being grateful and looking at the positive side of things. That takes practice, effort and patience. I'm no longer in a rush to go to Grad School or land an awesome job. Those things will come when I'm ready. Now, I need to focus on understanding and conquering my fears. I can't best the very best version of me, until I stop being scared and anxiety ridden. I don't need to climb a huge mountain for a sense of accomplishment, the greatest mountain is within ourselves. To climb this, we need to be bold, patient, strong and forgiving, when we slip.
I'll eventually have a rewarding career. I'm very ambitious. But for now, I am going to focus my energies on my biggest project, me.
Bo592
Well-known member
My life started to suck during my adolescence. This was also the beginning of my mental illnesses. I began to get this idea in my head that in order to have a decent life, I had to make it big, to compensate for all of the misery that I had experienced. It's like I needed something tangible to say, "I'm not a loser". It's strange, even though I had very little self esteem, I simultaneously thought highly of myself. I knew I had a lot of talent and had the potential to go far but I thought that everyone looked down on me, and as a result, I too looked down on myself.
I was certain that at some point in my life, I would commit suicide. It was almost guaranteed. Unless, that is, I redeemed myself, and realized my full potential. My life would include: A beautiful and expensive house, very nice car, gorgeous wife, and an amazing career (I would need something to pay for it all). This I thought was the other side of my destiny. It was either success or death for me.
So, where did this mentality get me? I'm a broke, unemployed adult living in my parent's home. I wanted it all or nothing, and nothing is what I got. You might think that my desires were materialistic or based on greed but neither is really true. I was just someone who thought he was nothing and wanted something to prove that he was special.
I'm learning to be grateful for what I have. I have a roof over my head, food, my health, I can experience love and joy. Those are all things to be grateful for. Many people don't even have their basic needs met.
It doesn't have to be all or nothing. It can be somewhere in between. I may never have a career where I will utilize my talents. Is that fair? Who said life was fair anyway? What I do have under my control is how I react in life. I can either be positive or negative, grateful or bitter.
I don't know what will come of my life. And, I don't think it really matters. I'm not worried about it. What matters is being the most compassionate person that I can be. Being kind and helping those around me. Smelling the flowers and just being in the now. I guess in the end, anything beyond that, is extra.
I'm learning to be content and making the most of what I have. And you know what, I like the new me too!! I have realized my talents. In the end my true talents weren't professional in nature but of the heart. I don't think I will be committing suicide in the future. I can't believe I've said that.
Good job everything you say is right. you have the right mind set for making your dreams come ture. Keep telling yourself to think this way so you don`t forget.
MikeyC
Well-known member
You have a great focus and attitude to all of this. If you persist with this determination, you'll do great. Good luck, my friend!
ImNotMyIllness
Well-known member
Great point! I need to remind myself this constantly. Moving from bad habits and bad attitudes to good ones requires repetition and time. I use to have horrible eating habits. But, I decided to force myself to eat at least two servings of vegetables and two servings of fruit a day. It took about six months before the habit was ingrained and second nature to me. Now, at almost a year, I eat well beyond that and have lost a lot of weight. I feel great too.
To have permanent change in your life, requires making your desired behavior (e.g positive thinking etc) into a habit. Habits must be practiced over and over before they become a part of you.
Thanks Mikey! I'm going to persist. No sense in being miserable my whole life, even if that is my comfort zone.
MikeyC
Well-known member
Using your vegetable servings as an example, did you relapse? If so, how did you get back on track?
ImNotMyIllness
Well-known member
No, I eat well beyond 2 servings each. I now eat about 3-5 servings of fruit and 3-4 servings of vegetables.
That's doesn't mean I don't allow myself to pig out on junk food now and then. Everything in moderation. Sometimes the body just craves fat. I don't mind obliging...if, I over do it. I make sure, to stick to a strict diet for a couple of weeks.
Eating healthier now is a lifestyle. It's no longer a diet. It's just a part of my behavior. It would be hard to imagine not having my veggies each day..What would I do!
LOL......Two years ago, I couldn't imagine saying such a thing.
MikeyC
Well-known member
That's some fantastic work. Your body will thank you. You said that you do pig out every now and then, and that's what I kind of meant by relapsing. Once you pig out, how do you mentally get back on track? How do you keep to that strict diet for weeks?No, I eat well beyond 2 servings each. I now eat about 3-5 servings of fruit and 3-4 servings of vegetables.
That's doesn't mean I don't allow myself to pig out on junk food now and then. Everything in moderation. Sometimes the body just craves fat. I don't mind obliging...if, I over do it. I make sure, to stick to a strict diet for a couple of weeks.
Eating healthier now is a lifestyle. It's no longer a diet. It's just a part of my behavior. It would be hard to imagine not having my veggies each day..What would I do!
ImNotMyIllness
Well-known member
It's easy. Because I forced myself to eat healthy for six months, it became a habit. I don't even think about it. When I want to eat something, I think of fruits and vegetables. I use a lot of hot spices which makes my bland meals taste really good.
Once you make something a habit it's easier to stick with it. I don't have to get back on track mentally. It's like a rubber band. My thinking snaps back to eating healthy.
Just like before when my habit was eating junk food. Eating healthy was an aberration and I would snap back to my old ways. Now, it's the reverse.
If you want change. Make your desired behavior a habit.
MikeyC
Well-known member
Man, you make it sound so easy. :bigsmile: Unfortunately, I'm having a lot of trouble resisting temptation. If I could take a leaf out of your book, I think I would have an easier time. :thumbup:
You should be really proud of this.
ImNotMyIllness
Well-known member
Thanks! I shouldn't say that it is easy, because I've been yo yo dieting much of my life. I failed at most of my attempts at eating healthy in the past. But, here's a couple tips to help.
What is your WHY and what is the BENEFIT. If you don't have a clear understanding why and the benefit of eating healthier then you won't stick with it long. It has to be more than just cosmetic reasons because once you lose the weight or achieve your desired physique, you will revert to your old ways.
For me a big part of it was mental health and improving my self esteem. I knew that eating poorly adversely affected my mental health and made me feel bloated, fat and crappy. This contributed to a lower self esteem.
FOOD PORN! That's right, I said it. Not the X-rated kind. To get me in the mood, I research different fruits and vegetables. It's amazing all of the nutrients they have that you could never get in a vitamin. It's like having butt kicking Ninjas in your body. Eating junk food does the reverse. Your mental and physical health is compromised. You heal and think slower, age faster and set the foundation for major health issues down the road, which will give you new reason to be unhappy.
MikeyC
Well-known member
I guess the "why" and the "benefit" are the same thing: to feel healthier and happier. I know that when I have eaten healthier, I've felt really good. Unfortunately I've never been able to keep it going.
You're absolutely correct that bad food compromises mental health just as much as physical health. I've felt lots better when eating good, nutritious food. I can see that the same thing is happening to you.
Food porn sounds good...even the X-rated kind.
ImNotMyIllness
Well-known member
I guess the "why" and the "benefit" are the same thing: to feel healthier and happier. I know that when I have eaten healthier, I've felt really good. Unfortunately I've never been able to keep it going.
You're absolutely correct that bad food compromises mental health just as much as physical health. I've felt lots better when eating good, nutritious food. I can see that the same thing is happening to you.
Food porn sounds good...even the X-rated kind.
Hey Mikey. Also remember, it's not an all or nothing proposition. Can you add an extra serving or two of fruit and another extra serving or two of vegetables a day?......That's easy, isn't it? Just eat healthier. Don't get fixated on Healthy which has stricter connotations. I think we all tend to strive for perfection. That type of thinking leads to major failure and disappointment.
Work on small improvements. And remember, balance and moderation to everything.
MikeyC
Well-known member
I probably could, yes. It wouldn't even be that difficult, either. In theory, anyway, haha.
Moderation for sure, but I tend to overdo chocolate all the time. Ripping myself away from an unfinished packet of cookies will be an achievement in itself.
At least I never crave things like Big Macs or Whoppers anymore. Sometimes I would have two fast food meals a day. That was not good!