I have never had a girlfriend in my life
- Thread starter rko74
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mrb
Well-known member
SJG74006
Member
Well, I'm 34 going on 35 and I've never a had a relationship with another human being of any kind (!) I 'discovered' that I had difficulty relating to other people when I was at school. I was not popular and realised that I would be better off going through life alone. It saved on the humilation and embarrassment that attempting to mix with people brings.
Low self-esteem is probably to blame as I consider that I am not the most attractive person in the world and have no charisma or charm (in fact I'm probably a bit 'on the spectrum') so I have no qualities that would endear me to anyone.
Unfortunately, life can be lonely at times and I haven't achieved the things I would like to in life but I'm generally contented with my lot provided I don't dwell on my situation too much.
I'm aware that other people can make you happy but I think if 'being sociable' doesn't come naturally, why force it? Maybe there's a reason why people like us are meant to stay single.
Low self-esteem is probably to blame as I consider that I am not the most attractive person in the world and have no charisma or charm (in fact I'm probably a bit 'on the spectrum') so I have no qualities that would endear me to anyone.
Unfortunately, life can be lonely at times and I haven't achieved the things I would like to in life but I'm generally contented with my lot provided I don't dwell on my situation too much.
I'm aware that other people can make you happy but I think if 'being sociable' doesn't come naturally, why force it? Maybe there's a reason why people like us are meant to stay single.
SavannahRose
Member
Well I am 26, and never had what you might call a proper relatioship- be it living with someone, going on proper dates..all the nice normal stuff. I miss that. I was always either casual, or a rebound..or in the case of my last- they thought they liked me, but just liked idea of having a gf! sometimes you feel like a spare tool, to put it politely. I hate it, cos I got so much I wanna give to a relationship- if only it were right.
I'm 29 and never had a girlfriend either. I'm very shy and quiet. I've never even chatted up a girl. I'm not a very good talker. I'm not good at talking to my best friends or my family so i can't understand how on earth I'm meant to be able to talk to total stranger??
I went to an all boys school so have never had much experience talking to girls. When i was 15 a girl asked me out but i was shy so said no. After weeks of everyone telling me i broke her heart and presurising me into going out with her, i did eventually go out with her once. I think the fact that all my friends pressurised me into doing it, put me off going out with girls.
Over the last 10/15 years when i should have been interested in getting a girlfriend I havent really bothered with girls. For example i never once thought that on a night out " i will try to find a girl tonight" or i never felt dissapointed after a night out that i hadnt met a girl (i never tried to meet a girl just hoped it would happen). I actually felt relieved that i never met a girl.
Its only now as i head towards 30 that ive started thinking about meetibg a girl but i still am not able to walk up to a stranger and talk to them. I've tried online dating but it hasnt really worked. I dont have much confidence in myself, either in my personality or my looks. I know I'm ugly but i still hope i might meet someone, but i cant see it happening. I see myself being alone. I dont know what to do. I'm too shy to talk to family or friends about this. Can someone give me some advice please?
I went to an all boys school so have never had much experience talking to girls. When i was 15 a girl asked me out but i was shy so said no. After weeks of everyone telling me i broke her heart and presurising me into going out with her, i did eventually go out with her once. I think the fact that all my friends pressurised me into doing it, put me off going out with girls.
Over the last 10/15 years when i should have been interested in getting a girlfriend I havent really bothered with girls. For example i never once thought that on a night out " i will try to find a girl tonight" or i never felt dissapointed after a night out that i hadnt met a girl (i never tried to meet a girl just hoped it would happen). I actually felt relieved that i never met a girl.
Its only now as i head towards 30 that ive started thinking about meetibg a girl but i still am not able to walk up to a stranger and talk to them. I've tried online dating but it hasnt really worked. I dont have much confidence in myself, either in my personality or my looks. I know I'm ugly but i still hope i might meet someone, but i cant see it happening. I see myself being alone. I dont know what to do. I'm too shy to talk to family or friends about this. Can someone give me some advice please?
Mikeyz
Member
Wow! You just described me my friend. You just described me to a t. I am currently 31 years old and I still live with my parents, and I have never had a girlfriend either. I have been struggling with Social Anxiety Disorder along with alot of depression and loneliness for years now. As I write this, I am currently in a very bad frame of mind. It seems as if the depression has worsened ALOT over the past few months - alot of it has to do with the holidays and seeing people around me so happy - and I feel like I am reaching the breaking point. I feel really really helpless and really really ashamed and disgusted with myself. I honestly wish that I could be someone else.
I am glad that I registered with this site and it's helpful to read other people who are going through the same things as I am. However, I feel like I am reaching a point with my depression that is scaring me. I keep having persistent fantasies and thoughts of ending my life and checking out of this world. I drove around in the car earlier today going absolutely nowhere - just driving around town, and I was literally crying as I was driving. I was going over in my head how bad things are and how so damn lonely I feel, and I couldn't stop crying. It's been a bad, bad time and I am tired, tired, tired of this condition and of all the things that go along with it: depression, loneliness, shame, missed opportunities, tons of regrets, e.t.c.....
I look around and I see guys and girls who are 18,19 years old who are outgoing, happy, who are dating and having relationships, and I get really sad. I never did any of that. I realize that because of this SA and because of all of the depression and the self-esteem issues that I have blown a large portion of my life; I virtually wasted my youth because of SA. And you know what? It really hurts! I will never know what it was like to date as a teenager, to kiss as a teenager, to have sex as a teenager because I was too busy being afraid. Damn guys, this really really hurts. I don't know what to do. It's hard to press on and to continue on with life when you feel like there is no way out or no better way. I'm not sure what is worse: the social anxiety disorder itself, or the god-awful depression and loneliness that results from the SA.......Not to mention the serious blows to a persons self-esteem and self-concept.
O my god man you made me cry, this is me to the exact tee.. Everything you said is exactly how I've been feeling. I'm 28 and I've just about given up hope on ever finding someone to love me. It's just so damn hard (at least for me) to find a nice girl that understands what we are going though, and give a guy a chance. It seems they all want that outgoing and talkitive guy.. May god help us all find a cure soon, so we can stop living this life in what feels like hell.. No one should have to live this life alone.
U
userremoved
Guest
Hmm, we're in the same boat, Im 28 and turning 29 in a week or so. People say I have my whole life left to turn things around, but they dont realize Im not even sure what to do or how to go about it. Things that are common sense to people by the time they're adults are still a mystery to me. Im looking on OK cupid and the ladies on there have such high standards listed on their profiles and honestly seem like they're a little fed up with guys that didnt work out or something. So I highly doubt they'd be interested in dating a guy that knows nothing about relationships. All the little mistakes I shouldve learned from as a teen Im likely to make them now as an almost 30 year old. All I know is it would take someone with either a lot of patience or just plain desperate to put up with us.
spect01
Well-known member
I am 20, but I'm living this life too so don't think you are the only one, it begins at an early age. There's probably millions upon millions of guys dealing with this. Women as a whole are jaded. Jaded in all areas of life pretty much. This gives me a little more peace of mind when I look at myself and realize I am alone and dateless, without a clear path to get out of it.
It's worse when the females have never shown interest in you at all.
It's worse when the females have never shown interest in you at all.
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A friend
Well-known member
Um, okay, guys? First, if you haven't had your first girlfriend when you're 12 or 13, the ladies are going to want you less than the stuff found in garbage dumpsters that are filled with black mold.
(I can't reply to all of these quotes at the moment, but I'll give a general statement)
Like most of you, I was also depressed from being single and I was very lonely...Despite living in a house with seven other individuals.
Basically, try what you can, but my advice is this:
Don't obsess on finding a girlfriend/future wife, because there's nothing else you can do unless your SA is 90% (or more) of the problem.
What I'm saying is that if your SA wasn't the reason why you've failed, then I wouldn't bother putting any more energy into this.
I haven't experienced a real special romantic relationship, so I can't really determine if it's worth all the work and the effort.
But I will say this:
Forget about trying to find a girlfriend/wife, focus on what makes you happy, and focus on your career. Was your dream and life's ambition really dedicated to finding true love at the very beginning?
If you really want a girlfriend that badly...Well, I do have advice that might help somewhat:
1. Don't tell them that you're a virgin, and that you never had one first kiss or girlfriend unless they ask you about that.
Ladies aren't fond or virgins (AT ALL IN ANY WAY) or guys who haven't had their first girlfriend in their preteen years.
2. Don't tell them that you like them until they like you.
3. Try to act positive. They don't appreciate depression. Of course, they like it better than much more than virginity, but that also gives them massive fuel deposits for rejection.
----
Overall, don't set your life's goal on finding love if you can't obtain it.
Waiting is an emotional counterpart of the physical pain you get from having all of your limbs cut off of your body while being caught on fire.
But you know what? Is dwelling on the pain of being single going to solve anything? Is dating the only good thing in life?
I haven't had a REAL dating experience yet, but I know that you can end this depression nightmare without finding love.
If you can't remove your SA, then there's no way to find true romance. And if that's true, then you have to find another option.
Being single isn't an ailment that needs to be cured, but depression is something that needs to end.
There is a way to end the nightmare we all refer to as loneliness, and as with a lot of diseases, there is more than one cure.
Your lives aren't over. If you think being single means that there isn't anything else to live for, then why are you still here?
How are you able to type on your keyboards? Why didn't you disappear when you were children?
The answer:
There is more to life then love.
I experience many things other than that every day. There is so much more to life than romance.
It might be the best thing in life, but at this point...It can't be obtained.
Your lives aren't over, you can still find happiness, it's entirely possible.
Even people living on the streets find happiness occasionally, so why can't all of you?
Yes, it's natural for us to all want to find a lover, but sometimes it can't be done.
Just find something else to do, if you can't have some of the things you want, then there's no point in trying to have it if you didn't get it on your first three tries.
Doing the same thing over and over is insanity, and for most of us...We're trying to obtain love, and no matter how much we change our methods...We don't get the woman that we desire.
Giving up isn't really a good thing, but sometimes...You have to quit. There are some things that some people weren't meant to have, and although you might want it all your life, you may never get it.
So don't assume life is over. This depression might last a very long time, but it will go away.
Trust me, the depression will come to an end. It WILL end. Have no doubt, have no worry, don't ever think that you'll be trapped forever.
This nightmare could have been prevented from happening for you guys...Yes it could have, but why can't it stopped now?
You will all be happy eventually. Yes, you don't know how or why now, but you will be happy. Trust me, there is no reason why that won't happen.
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U
userremoved
Guest
Wtf, is this really true or are you being extremely pessimistic?
U
userremoved
Guest
^ Ah ok, that makes more sense thanks. At least confidence can be faked. But theres not much we can do about not having luck with love at 12 years old unless time travel becomes available.
U
userremoved
Guest
LOL that just makes it worse, you know where those dog tongues have been?! xD
Thelema
Well-known member
You've been frenching your dog!!!? The kids were just tricking you when they said that's what the cool kids do.
U
userremoved
Guest
Heck no, I reject all doggie kisses. My friends dog tried to do that when I first came over his house but I pushed her away from me. I think that pissed her off because she wont come near me anymore lmfao.
U
userremoved
Guest
Speaking of doggie kisses, you made me think about Fable 3. Fast forward to 30 seconds, he goes overboard with it lol
Fable 3 New Dog Breed! - YouTube
Fable 3 New Dog Breed! - YouTube
LOL guys, all of you who despair over this: IT'S NOT TRUE!!
Check some posts by girls earlier on in this thread or in other threads: better a guy who hasn't dated than someone who has been all over town and collected all stds possible, or has too crazy exes who won't stay out of his life (and/or badly behaved kids with them)...
(Some guys who have been overly sexual early on even become asexual by the time they're 30 or so...)
Honestly, a guy who made a baby to another preteen at 12 would be more to worry about... (Though some may turn out nice too..)
A friend has had some bad experience with some mean girls at his school, check some of his older posts if you want to... Some girls may expect and want experience in 'those' areas, for others, other things are more important...
What he says about not obsessing over finding a girl is GOOD - too much desperation is not attractive... And yup, it's good to work on making your life more FUN and interesting, work on the career etc. At the same time, it's good to meet other people, some may become friends, some maybe more...
Other people may see interesting things in you, even if you don't like yourself much... but if you really hate yourself it may be difficult to believe that other people really like you... It's good to work on becoming a person you'd like to date or be with, and to be 'easy maintenance' (= work on the depression, sa etc, a girlfriend is not your therapist etc.) watch Gossip Girl if you have to (season 1) lol
A friend
Well-known member
That is the behavior many of them have demonstrated towards me and many others in the area that I live in.